To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

Tell her you don't want her getting in the way or opening the oven while you are cooking and say that if her son will only eat pizza it would be best to get a takeaway for him.

and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA)

Then let them have pizza.
I don’t see what the big issue is.

Tell your sister to not open the oven door (it’s either rude or she just feels comfortable in your home).

Then tell your kids they can choose between pizza or roast (or a bit of both).

Pizza for kids, roast for adults. You can make them do their own toppings

@Woompund

why does she sound insufferable??

OP, I think you sound lovely. You are a
saint cooking for that many people!

Your posts are very amusing, even if they have not landed well with some of this humourless lot. I bet you're a great host thats why your whole family are piling in at yours.

Pizza for kids and roast for adults sounds like a good idea. You're valid for being annoyed last time and hope it goes smoothly this time!

Why is it? OP clearly wanted to make a special effort for her sister which is a nice thing to do. A slow cooked roast lamb at easter sounds lovely. Clearly her family agreed that it was amazing as they all want her to do it again!

I find it utterly bizarre that instead of thinking "OP really went out of her way to do something nice" people are instead saying "ugh, what a martyr"

Get a slow cooker and a plug in timer.

A roast is the easist meal to prepare if all you serve is the roast meat. If you are also serving various types of potatoes, vegetables, Yorkshire puddings and gravy, it's a lot more work than other meals.

I get you OP. Sorry you have copped the Forum Foggers. Just ignore the fact that they love to deliberately misunderstand the OP so they can have a say.

Your sister was rude as anything. She should have let you know - a quiet word .. hey Johnny's autism is a pain in the arse, he needs feeding and pizza is the quickest way to avoid a food meltdown. She could then have offered up a pizza option for your children and worked out a time to cook said pizza that wouldn't fuck up your meal.

Suggestions of the side pizza party for the children are a good one - you could put your sister in charge of sorting it.

It’s a shame you don’t have any understanding or tolerance for your nephews autism.

If I was your sister (thank god I’m not) I wouldn’t bother coming over.

Does he eat spag bol? 🤔😉

You'd think. This seems such an overreaction.

Presumably, OP, you don't see them often? Go out to eat if you don't want to cook for them.

Urgh Mumsnet is so contrary - honestly if OP had not planned this lovely roast and just wanted to shove a few frozen pizzas in the oven everyone would be bleating on about UPF’s and how bad they are especially for children and berating her for her lack of effort at hosting her family who have travelled all the way from Australia! Just ignore, OP @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar

Oh give over. I have two autistic children and I am autistic myself. Managing neurodiversity without being a rude houseguest is perfectly possible.

dont make it a big thing. Let your sister be a mum to her kid and you be a mum to yours.

Asking if he can eat before he comes was ONE of the suggestions I made, yes.

And I actually thought it might be a good idea because he struggles with lots of people and really wpuldnt be bothered about missing out on eating with us. Wed still very much still see him. The idea was that I also feed my kids first too and they all play together while we eat.

I didn't think of the we all eat together and kids have pizza instead of roast thing because there's six kids in total and that's a lot of pizza to fit in an oven while cooking a roast for 12 adults.

I am not some nasty witch trying to exclude my nephew. I am retingvto make everyone happy and coming up with suggestions to do that.

This sounds like it's a family dynamic thing, Mum has pushed the hosting of everyone onto OP and OP doesn't mind that too much because she loves cooking. The trouble comes in when sister visits from Australia, in her mind she's at the family home cooked meal and everyone understands her son's needs so it's not a big deal to put his pizza in the oven. However it is a big deal to OP to have interference in the kitchen and now she wants nephew to sit at the table and watch everyone else eat because she doesn't want pizza served in her house when she's making a roast.

This all seems like a childish spat between the 2 sisters, sister from Australia shouldn't be demanding a roast and OP shouldn't be singling out her autistic nephew by excluding him from eating with everyone else because she's annoyed with her sister.

I’d have had a shit fit at the door opening, however I agree with others, do a roast for adults, pizza for the kids. Feed them earlier then you can enjoy a nice adult roast (and nobody messing with your oven, that really is out of order)

Super unreasonable. Poor kid thousands of miles from home and his aunty giving him evils for eating a pizza. You sound fun OP? Always this friendly and welcoming to guests or is it just this sister that gets such shocking meanness? No wonder she in Oz!

It's her sister that is insisting that OP cooks a roast dinner. OP suggested that everyone should have pizza, which her nephew can eat, and her sister said that she expected OP to do a roast because she wanted one.

It sounds like you've been sitting on this, festering on it, since she was last here. I get why it pissed you off, but I'm not sure it needs to be a big issue. Just head it off:

"Dsis, I'm making Yorkshires, so the oven needs to remain closed. However, I know that nephew won't eat roast, so I'm putting pizza in for the kids. It only takes 10 mins, so I'll do it while the meat is resting and the Yorkshires are done/ I'm serving up."

And then, at dinner:

"I really love hosting you all, but it would be nice next time to spend some time chilling out with dsis and nephew. Could someone else do it next time please, so I can make the most of some quality time with them? Dsis, I know you love an English roast, so I'll give someone else the opportunity to do it for you, so we can catch up properly like the old days."

You called your sister a psycho, though. There's some anger there, surely? Perhaps it was a joke.

Do you even like your sister?

If my autistic nephew wanted pizza - he’s having the pizza. He lives miles away so you hardly ever see him. Being a good host is making sure everyone is catered for.

These threads always contain a foolish comment or two on the length of time it takes to cook a roast. It is surely obvious that it depends on what you do?!?
from aunt Bessie’s, precut veggies, and a roast in its bag chicken and bisto (yes, two minutes) to making everything from scratch including marinates and sauces (which could be hours of work).