Woman shouted because Dd wee’d in the car park

[Hetoldherthatmagicdoesntexist]

Dd, 6 and I were at the supermarket today
We were in a rush, had walked all the way back to car, I was struggling with three large bags, putting them in the boot.
Dd was moaning and difficult most of the day, she said she was desperate for the toilet. I said to just wait a moment as I had to put the bags in etc and we’d go back. She started getting upset saying she was really desperate and about to wee and could she wee by our car quickly. I let her.
As I was fastening her car seat, an older woman walked past and shouted’There are loos inside you know!’ in not a very nice way. I shouted back ‘Excuse me?’ She said she was just saying there were loos inside that can be used (again, it wasn’t said in a nice way’ I said to her ‘She’s 6 years and was desperate and couldn’t hold it in, she’s 6!’ She pulled a face and got in her car.
Dd was upset and asked if she’d done something wrong and felt scared of the mean lady.

It really pissed me off, was I out of order??

Most if not all are judging the mum/op not a 6 year old child, it’s op’s fault that her child is upset at the comment made

Your 2 year old can hold a wee if they were absolutely desperate?!

I've got to say I don't agree with the people acting as if the child's urine is going to kill them. I agree there are worse things on the pavement.

I don't think the argument that 'dogs do it and therefore it's ok for humans to do it' stands up though.

There are different expectations for different species. You just cannot justify antisocial human behaviour by saying....but dogs do it! That's just ridiculous!

then perhaps actually support the OP rather than replying to as many posters that disagree with your viewpoint as you can.

People are allowed to say something is wrong: it’s not automatically a pile on to say that. I agree a lot of the posts have been harsh. Personally I don’t think mine was. I stated a brief piece of factual information to say, yes it’s wrong to encourage that behaviour with your child. But also gave advice for future situations and acknowledged parenting is hard. We’ve all done things that aren’t correct in the moment, it’s how we learn that matters. That is not a pile on. You arguing with every poster that disagrees with you isn’t helping the OP.

The woman who made the comment is at fault.

I certainly didn’t ask my children every 5 mins if they needed the loo at that age. I may have asked when passing one but when at a supermarket i am 100% sure that it was not at the top of my mind when shopping. I would expect at that age the child was old enough to ask but as I have said I have been on road trips with my kids and at random times they have just announced they were desperate for the loo even after we had just passed somewhere to stop. Kids aren’t automations. They don’t always do rational things and sometimes you ask and they say no and then decide 2 mins later they did, in fact, need to go desperately. They might be great 99% of the time but sometimes they aren’t. This occasion seems like the 1%. This was a learning experience for the child and her mum can now say, remember when you couldn’t hold it in- you need to ensure you think to go more regularly even if you don’t think you need to.

The mother made some bad calls mainly not turning around when DD mentioned the toliet given she knows DD has trouble holding it. But that doesn’t mean she deserves such harsh judgement either in the car park or this pile on.

I’m afraid that in that case your child (and OP's child) needs to learn that they must take the opportunity to empty their bladder when it’s convenient rather than wait for it to be urgent, or perhaps wear incontinence pads just in case if there’s a medical need. I’d be surprised if your child doesn’t get a lot of unpleasant teasing / comments from other children. That would be unkind and distressing for your child but not really surprising. Peeing or pooing in public after a very young age is a social taboo in virtually all human societies.

Op has made no mention of any issues which I’m sure she would have if this was the case.
Toilet training is not a one day fix at this age, Op is at fault for not reminding her DD, it’s just lazy parenting which is why the woman was annoyed

Can you leave me alone. Leave me alone please. Just leave me alone

I feel like you’re piling on me. I can reply to who I like without your judgement.

Leave me alone

My youngest DD went to school aged 4 in pull ups. She was the exception, not the norm out of my three DC. My older two had no problems toilet training at all. My youngest was just very stubborn and unwilling to co-operate using the toilet, in spite of many techniques and rewards.

Sometimes you have to sympathise with the way others are.

My son is 6. I wouldn't let him do this. Bush wee in a park if no toilets about but not a carpark when there is a toilet near by. She's 6 and needs to learn to read her body not leaving it to the last minute otherwise there are consequences like she wets herself.

@Hetoldherthatmagicdoesntexist potty sounds a good idea for emergencies

With a toilet nearby? Absolutely.

Though I would've taken him before going back to the car.

Genuine question @Hetoldherthatmagicdoesntexist

How many times have you seen children wee in public in this way?
The answer should tell you that YAB(V)U.

I just think it's not nice for your DD.

I used to check with mine going into and leaving a grocery store. We are raising adults so they have to have basic dignity.

But you were up against it so you did what you thought was best.

A 4 year old on the spectrum is different than a 6 year old not on the spectrum.
Saying that it’s not advisable to allow your child to piss regularly in public regardless, if he’s got so little self control he’s not really toilet trained and should be in pull ups or carry a potty, your choice, but pissing in public shouldn’t be considered an acceptable option.
parent of two autistic daughters, one with LD, before anyone says I don’t know what I’m talking about

It’s not a big deal to shove your shopping in the car and rush to the toilet. A 6 yr old can hold it. Can you imagine if we all let our children do that 🙄

For me this is so simple
Mummy why is that lady telling us off
Don't worry darling, it's mummy's fault. You're not really meant to wee in carparks, but we were desperate so it couldn't be helped, but some people like that lady don't like it.
Is she angry at us
Yes a bit but she's angry at mummy not you

I'd probably check she hasn't an urine infection at that age.

We all do things in desperate situations but ordinarily a 6 year old doing this is not normal. Wild wee maybe but not in the public domain. I'd just ensure if you did do this you had a bottle of water to rinse the floor a little at least.

I'd also be worried as a 6 year old she is weeing in public and at risk of exposing herself, unfortunately you don't know who is watching these days.

A 6 year old is not a small child. A small child is age 2 or 3 and likely just recently potty trained. A 6 year old is at school and should be able to hold her wee while you walked back inside

Averse

She should have put the bags in the boot, grabbed the trolley and the child and gone straight back inside.

I have no idea what on earth she's on about anyway, putting bags in a car boot is a matter of a couple of seconds and by the time DD had said "I need a wee," it would have been done.

What's actually happened is OP was tired from a whingey child and shopping and couldn't be bothered going back into the supermarket before taking the trolley back.

At 6 a child should know that you don't undress in public. Aside from the fact it's disgusting, it's really unhealthy for a child of that age to think it's normal to pull down your knickers and wee in front of anyone who happens to wander past.

Grim, but also imagine this was caught on CCTV and who knows who could have seen it passing by- is this how you want your children to be put in danger?

I have a 6 year old daughter.

I'd not let her pee in a supermarket carpark. Like others, a wild wee if we are out in the middle of nowhere with toilets nowhere to be seen is one thing, but in a carpark where others will clearly see and step into it getting in and out of a car...nope. Hold it for a couple of mins to get back inside and use the toilets.