Woman shouted because Dd wee’d in the car park

[Hetoldherthatmagicdoesntexist]

Dd, 6 and I were at the supermarket today
We were in a rush, had walked all the way back to car, I was struggling with three large bags, putting them in the boot.
Dd was moaning and difficult most of the day, she said she was desperate for the toilet. I said to just wait a moment as I had to put the bags in etc and we’d go back. She started getting upset saying she was really desperate and about to wee and could she wee by our car quickly. I let her.
As I was fastening her car seat, an older woman walked past and shouted’There are loos inside you know!’ in not a very nice way. I shouted back ‘Excuse me?’ She said she was just saying there were loos inside that can be used (again, it wasn’t said in a nice way’ I said to her ‘She’s 6 years and was desperate and couldn’t hold it in, she’s 6!’ She pulled a face and got in her car.
Dd was upset and asked if she’d done something wrong and felt scared of the mean lady.

It really pissed me off, was I out of order??

Yeah that’s weird, a potty training preschooler I get but not a 6 year old, unless you’re going to come back and say she has special needs of course…

exactly this , some children do have issues with urgency and there isn’t a magic wand doctors can wave sometimes it’s just a case of the warning signals needing longer to develop, we plan and do toilet stops as much as we can but occasionally I have had to direct my daughter to wee in a bush or discreet corner of a car park because she has been very suddenly desperate and would likely wet herself and cause a puddle of wee in the middle of a walkway if I attempted to get to the toilets . Ignore her OP , not every child or adult fits into perfect boxes that some people want them to .

I can bet the same woman wouldn’t have the balls to walk into an alley to confront a group of men peeing. An actual regular problem.

But a mother & child dying for the loo outside a supermarket are an easy target. No balls needed.

Sorry but YABU

If you behave in an antisocial manner you should expect other people to judge and, if they're brave enough, comment. You don't have some sort of free pass to behave however you like. I can't believe that you think that you do!

To get that desperate that quickly is a medical problem go to the gp

Can you just leave her alone at this stage. Leave the woman alone. She doesn’t need to hear AGAIN that her child is not a toddler.

Dogs are allowed to piss outside, there are not toilet facilities for dogs to go to!
Dog piss is unlikely to be in the middle of a parking spot, more often by a fence, tree or lamppost, so more discreet.

I thought you were going to say she was around age 2 - 3 years and this was a wee accident.

A 6 year old who had said they needed a wee and there were toilets near by.... You should have taken her to the toilet before returning to your car. Yes it's a juggling act with bags, trollies etc but parenting is a non stop juggling act at times.

I never said anything about prosecution. I stated factually that it is illegal under the Public Order Act. For someone as young as the OPs child anything illegal would be seen as more of a welfare issue, but given it hopefully sounds like a one off, that wasn’t why I stated it was illegal. If you read my full post, I stated it was illegal to demonstrate that yes, it was wrong for the OP to encourage her child to urinate in public for people to see as it’s teaching her the wrong thing, and she should therefore use the opportunity to treat as a learning for the future. If you jump on that one fact I stated to have an argument for the sake of it then that’s your problem, not mine.

No, she probably wouldn't.

Because she'd fear being murdered. Isn't that a shame? That you can't call people up on terrible, antisocial behaviour incase they batter you to death?

There are plenty of violent women as well so she took a risk saying anything to the OP. But she's made the OP think about it so she's done some good there. A seed has been sown both for the OP and her DD.

Yes, the fact that it’s right by the car where someone is likely to park fairly soon afterwards (especially if it was parent space) and potentially walk in, is gross.

Yea, sorry but that’s really disgusting. At 6 (with the exception of medical issues) she should be able to hold it long enough to get to toilets/give enough warning to get to toilets. If she has issues with holding it, you should keep a portable potty in the car for emergencies to dispose of the pee appropriately.

Not really that different to dogs peeing everywhere though is it?!
People get far too worked up over tiny things and obviously had perfect children who could hold it in and would absolutely tell you before they were desperate 🙄🙄🙄 an adult is one thing, but not a child

If you are doing a wee in public, and in front of her, then "yes" it is her business.

My daughter is 6. Wild wees, hidden in a bush/ behind a tree, for 3 or 4 year old, when there are no toilets is fine. This is not. It is disgusting to urinates in a car park. I don't want to accidentally stand in that.

If she can't hold it for as long as it takes for you to put 3 bags in a boot and then go back in, then there is a problem. Consider doing a wee before you leave the house, when you arrive at the supermarket, telling her to inform when she first notices (not when she is desperate), seeing the GP if she may have a medical problem, or putting a nappy on if there is a behavioural issue.

This is poor parenting and anti-social, rather pikey behaviour.

For goodness sake the Op doesn’t need you to be lecturing her & being condensing to her about public order offences.

It is relevant that children are not prosecuted because it recognised between adults & children!

As you said yourself it sounds like a one off and she didn’t “encourage her”, the child suggested it and in a moment of desperation she agreed. She didn’t have a lot of options!

So I think her likelihood of peeing in public as an adult hasn’t greatly increased!

This about sums it up for me. A healthy normal six year old should not need to be peeing in a car park where they have only a couple of minutes earlier been in a building with a public loo in it.

I think it is likely that the moaning difficult behaviour was the child giving signals that something was wrong and OP ignored them for too long.

I remember wetting myself in a shop aged about 7 or 8 because my father was rushing, not listening to me and I was too scared to say to him that I was desperate. With hindsight, being so afraid of him as a child that I couldn't say I needed the loo should have been a massive clue that he was an emotionally abusive arsehole.

I have a 6-year old with adhd who had accidents at school up until 5 as they only remember to go when absolutely desperate. But I would have still made them wait if there was a loo just inside the supermarket. They can hold it for 2 extra minutes at 6, particularly if they didn't tell you till just then that they needed the loo.

I'd be miffed if I stepped in it pulling up to the same spot few minutes later.

OP, all you can do as a parent is make the decision you think is the right call in the moment. That’s what you did, it was fine. One person saw, they took offence. It happens.

You make the call knowing some people will disagree with you and some will think it’s gross etc, and some won’t mind at all! You just take the risk that no one who minds will see.

You have done the Mumsnet equivalent of weeing in the car park here though, by telling everyone it happened when they don’t need to know.

The best advice: make your calls based on your own judgement, modify those calls as you gain more life experience, and don’t retrospectively invite judgement of your parenting online.

Yes some children do and my child was one of them. One thing which she had to learn to do was try and keep holding the bladder a little longer to train it to hold a bit more each time.

As a one of you did what was best at the time for your child. Ideally yes go to the toilets. But you won't win with folk here
Im guessing it's mot an every day occurance. You were correct. Poor child. Years ago nobody would have commented and would of agreed

This is a very good point.

Apropos of nothing, but why I'm these supermarket carpark related stories, do people always "struggle" with shopping bags?!

You wheel the trolley out to the car, put the bags into the boot, and wheel the trolley back. What's the "struggle"?! 😂

I read it again, it pissed you off that someone had the audacity to point out you’re wrong to let your child piss in the car park instead of parenting her properly and ensuring she uses the toilet when one is available?
You sound very entitled, I see nothing in your post to indicate why you couldn’t take your child to the toilet, it was just easier to let her piss on the ground and you got caught out.
The general public don’t want to be standing in your child’s piss, the UK isn’t a third world country, this is basic level parenting.

Yeah I don’t think it’s ideal but IMO the woman shouldn’t have told them off either and yeah some responses on here seem a bit OTT. Especially given how normalised it is for dogs and even cats to leave pee and poo smears everywhere.

Also agree with @PeonyPanda

there’s no harm done , no one likely to tease her saw it, but maybe next time preempt it for her sake ? And even if she isn’t embarrassed by it - other children at 6 and those in the years above - would recognise it as unusual and potentially jump on it.

And aside from embarrassment I also think it’s best for privacy sake for her not to be doing this out in the open. There may be a creepy adult walking by.