Woman shouted because Dd wee’d in the car park

[Hetoldherthatmagicdoesntexist]

Dd, 6 and I were at the supermarket today
We were in a rush, had walked all the way back to car, I was struggling with three large bags, putting them in the boot.
Dd was moaning and difficult most of the day, she said she was desperate for the toilet. I said to just wait a moment as I had to put the bags in etc and we’d go back. She started getting upset saying she was really desperate and about to wee and could she wee by our car quickly. I let her.
As I was fastening her car seat, an older woman walked past and shouted’There are loos inside you know!’ in not a very nice way. I shouted back ‘Excuse me?’ She said she was just saying there were loos inside that can be used (again, it wasn’t said in a nice way’ I said to her ‘She’s 6 years and was desperate and couldn’t hold it in, she’s 6!’ She pulled a face and got in her car.
Dd was upset and asked if she’d done something wrong and felt scared of the mean lady.

It really pissed me off, was I out of order??

The answers to this post have reminded me why I dislike mumsnet and stopped reading it for a while.

If my four year old needs a wee anywhere in public where he can be hidden away a little, he’s going right there. He’s on the spectrum, doesn’t like busy and loud places, and probably wouldn’t be able to hold it properly until we returned. I don’t care for other people’s judgment on it. You know your child and her ability to make it to the toilet. Others don’t.

The only thing I have been doing in the hotter weather where we’ve had very little rain is washing it away with a bottle of water so it’s not stagnant there but,,,Christ. It’s a bit of urine. If the old lady doesn’t like it, she can avert her eyes.

I'm sorry - but 6-years-old is not a "small child" in this context.
"Bush wee's" are generally emergency wee's for 1-4 year olds who are still learning about their bodies and how long they can wait before it's "too late". At 6 she's aware of that first hint that she needs the toilet and should be communicating it to you then. At what point are you making it clear that she cannot pee just anywhere? What age do you expect this to stop?

We have two 4-year-olds and I cannot even remember the last time one of them had to pee anywhere besides a toilet - not to mention the safeguarding issue of having your child expose themselves in a car park.

She’s not ‘quite little’. She’s 6, she’s at school. What does she do there? Just piss in the reading corner when she needs to go? Absolutely disgusting and well done to the lady who called you out.

Letting a 6 year old piss in public when there's toilets nearby means one of the following:

1. Your daughter has a medical condition which means she has issues with her continence - in which case, you need to get her to a doctor.

2. Your daughter is scared to tell you that she needs the toilet in a timely fashion, in which case you need to ask why.

3. Your daughter could have held it in until reaching the toilets, but you couldn't be bothered to go back into the store. In which case, you really need to look at your parenting skills.

Six is far too old to be pissing in public when there's toilets nearby. I'm not surprised that the woman was shocked, and it's not fair on your daughter.

OK great
And if someone walks past and expresses that they don't approve, that's fine
People are not mean just because they don't agree with everything you do

Just because you think it's no big deal for a child to pee in a car park if they're on the verge of wetting themselves and if that is an unusual circumstance for the child and parent concerned to find themselves in, doesn't mean you'd be comfortable with a piss apocalypse with everybody pissing freely wherever and whenever they liked and with Enoch Powell-style rivers of piss flowing through the streets. But obviously this is the internet, where nuance goes to die, so if you you think one you DO have to think the other.

Her child has additional needs!!!

I mean it’s illegal under the Public Order Act, so yes it was wrong. You’re saying you were in quiet part of car park, but this lady obviously saw.

i get it, parenting is hard, and i think you need to treat it as a lesson learnt - if you know your child cannot hold her bladder long (she should really be able to hold for a couple of minutes at the age of 6), then ask her before you leave the supermarket whether she needs the toilet (it’s something at this age you should ask as standard at regular intervals anyway, as children can get easily distracted when out and about). But you should absolutely never let your child do this again!

6 really isn't little. Do you think her primary school lets her piss on the floor?

A 6 year old is not going to be prosecuted for a public order offence for needing a wee. Obviously!!!

Again circumstances & nuance.

The OP has described a bad afternoon with a young child (if we are not allowed to use “small”) in a supermarket (not usually a relaxing outing with kids!). DD is likely back to school & tired & emotional. The Op should have taken action sooner but she’s a parent who made a mistake.

It doesn’t mean she is going to pee on her classroom floor!!

This! There's puddles of dog wee everywhere, why is a kid weeing any different?

I'm quite sure plenty of 6 year olds have had accidents at school too. Ours kept a supply of underwear and skirts/trousers for when this happens.

It sounds like a one off and she doesn't wee in the carpark every time she goes shopping with her mum.

Absolutely this.

I think it really shows that a lot of people here are just biding their time and waiting for posts to be unkind on.

It’s just wee.
We are humans with bodily functions that sometimes require immediate attention.

I actually feel quite strongly that you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Don’t listen to these comments. People apparently have no empathy or compassion.

Yes it does!!!!! Thanks to this incident the OP's daughter now faces a lifetime of being unable to control her urge to piss in public, social services will take her away and she will inevitably eventually be thrown in prison for it for the rest of her life.

This would be okay at 2 or 3 years old, but not six.

Keep your comment to yourselves if you’re in public and don’t approve.

Nobody asked the old lady her advice. Or for her to rudely interject. Her ‘expression of disapproval’ was completely unnecessary.

People need to grow up don’t they.

Exactly, it’s the parents fault, child is very young so onus is on parent to still be reminding child to go or “try” when near a public toilet.
Maybe as I have autistic kids and I work with disabled kids and previously adults, I’m very aware of ensuring we know where public toilets are and to check whether anyone needs to go, particularly if we are a little while from home.

Agreed. All this pearl clutching. Nothing better to do on a saturday morning than foam at the mouth over a small child weeing next to a car.

get a fucking life folks.

That's really not the case for all of us who are strongly disagreeing with what's happened. A lot of us have spent months, while working full time jobs, toilet training our kids so they'd never be in this situation, and can hold their wee long enough to find an appropriate place. I wouldn't even want my 6 year old to be exposing herself like that in public, let alone weeing in a public place where people walk, put kids/bags on the ground, etc. If the OP's child has a genuine medical issue or neurodivergence I totally understand, but saying it's totally normal and that anyone who disagrees is "waiting to be unkind" is wrong.

It is just wee, and on the face of it doesn’t matter - but what if your DD’s school friends / other kids from school had seen her ? She would have been embarrassed? It’s the sort of thing that could earn her a nickname that will stick with her (thinking of a poor lad in my class who wee’d on stage in about Yr 2, and his nickname was still in place at uni).

The solution would have been to take her to the loo in the supermarket before she got to that point.

there’s no harm done , no one likely to tease her saw it, but maybe next time preempt it for her sake ? And even if she isn’t embarrassed by it - other children at 6 and those in the years above - would recognise it as unusual and potentially jump on it.

But did you have a potty? If she struggles that much you should have a potty with you that She could use in the back of the car. Why is it mean to point out that someone is doing something socially unacceptable?

No, she wasn't.

Understanding that human beings use toilets to urinate and defecate and not public spaces like car parks doesn't make her any of those things.

Calling out antisocial behaviour when you see it is brave. If more people did it the world might be a better place. Certainly fewer car parks, subways and alley ways would stink of piss and I think the majority of people who be happy with that tbh.

It’s not ideal that someone might step in a puddle of pee.

But the reality is those same people are walking through dog pee & poo at times, actual tarmac is gross anyways and full of off gassing chemicals.

This thread has lost the run of itself so much that OP has been accused of all sorts and the mother of a SEN child received a nasty comment.