men on mumsnet

[LittleMi55Nobody]

ladies..just wondering..are you fed up of men posting on mumsnet..why don't they start their own "dadsnet/mansnet" group..im getting fed up of obvious "male" comments undermining our woman issues....quite honestly id like them to fuck off cos im not interested in their opinons on womanship

I have mixed feelings about men on mumsnet.

I do think that they've joined a space designed and set up by women because it's much easier than setting up their own space, but mumsnet themselves state that it is for all people, parent or not, male or female, and it's their site, their rules. Some of the men are here exactly for the purpose of supporting women, so this is the right place to be for them.

I think there are actually some really good male members of mumsnet, who contribute to discussions really well, educate themselves on topics, and really care.

What I don't care for is the "as a man" type comments/posts. Nor the endless posts about "my wife won't have sex with me, we have 5 kids, she's a stay at home mum, I'm the breadwinner so why shouldn't I be out playing golf all weekend and then not get my congratulatory blowjob" type posts. I just choose not to engage with them, but wish others would see it for what it is too, and also choose not to engage with them.

I have mine locked out. No-one can send me any. Probably a good idea to do that (the people who are getting unwanted PMs.) A bit annoying as nice, decent posters can't get to you message you, but if someone said to me (on the forum) 'hey Zov I want to PM you about something,' I could PM them, and then they would be able to message back. (I think.) I not, If could release the block for a few minutes.

To me it is a women’s forum. Only women can be mums. Just like only men can be dads. The clue is in the forum name.

Women’s and men’s experiences differ significantly biologically, culturally, socially and emotionally. Women are not one homogeneous group but our experiences are shaped and shared as a result of the way in which society is constructed and how we understand experience is a result of that. Women seek out the opinions of other women because of these shared experiences and understandings.

Men can never understand women’s experiences because they are not women and are not consciously and subconsciously subject to the societal forces which women are. So for example, I might ask my DH’s opinion on a range of subjects like where to go on holiday, what to have for dinner, which sofa to buy. But I would not seek his opinion on what coercive control looks like, how to deal with bullying in the workplace (although I’d want his emotional support) or the best way to deal with menopausal symptoms, as examples.

You might want to do that, other women might want to do that, but I don’t. I can’t stop men from posting and I would respond to a man if I felt like it - I do draw distinction between genuine men asking for advice (and like I said before, I get embarrassed if there’s an unjustified pile on) and those just generally pitching in with advice in response to women’s issues/concerns. That does give me the ick.

MN might now be “for parents”/anyone but it didn’t start out like that. If it was “Parentsnet” and aimed equally at women and men, I’d bet my last dollar that it wouldn’t have been as successful. Women liked having a safe space to chat and discuss their issues - given as many as 1:4 women have been victims of SA, many women are understandably cautious and downright afraid of men. The male voice almost always dominates when a space is shared because we live in a patriarchal society.

At the end of the day this is my opinion - that’s it - just my opinion. But sometimes I just want to scream “FFS just let us have something just for us - stop always having to encroach on women’s spaces!”

how to deal with bullying in the workplace
Men don't get bullied in the workplace?

Women liked having a safe space to chat and discuss their issues
Online is not a safe space. Online anyone could be anyone. Even if this site was 100% just for Mums then childless women or men could lie/fake details and access it. Cyber attacks could release anyone's details. Heck even governments could demand details.

Exactly.excellently put

Yup, another one who agrees with you.

I have said it before, the tone of Mumsnet has changed over the years as more men and more have started posting. There’s a lot more misogyny about.

The decent men, like my husband and adult son, would have no interest in this place at all

Not even if they were single parents? That's a shame.

What is it about a website that's predominantly full of intelligent women that means they would have no interest in it at all?

Nice passive aggressive try at making @thebabayaga2025 DH/DS sound like the problem (ie suggestion they somehow cannot cope with intelligent women) but I think we all know what @thebabayaga2025 means - well at least those of us who are not male apologists do.

As has been said up thread - there are plenty of resources for males/single dads etc - why can’t they just post there where they are more likely to chat with other single dads etc?

It’s fascinating that a website like Mumsnet can attract men to talk about all sorts of mainly female issues behind the anonymity of a screen yet if you started a conversation about such things in say, the pub or at work, they’d likely run a mile!

Maybe because they would assume that the intelligent women may want to hear from other intelligent women? And that as men, their voices tend to dominate pretty much everywhere, so that it might be polite to back off a little, because the intelligent women just might have it covered without them?

I'm asking @thebabayaga2025 a very simple question.

And as I take it you are not them, and you don't know her husband or son, you won't be able to answer why they would have no interest in this place at all.

So I'll wait for their answer thanks.

but you see ,To me it is a women’s forum. Only women can be mums. Just like only men can be dads. The clue is in the forum name.

for many of us, it's NOT a women's forum at all, anymore than it is a "mum" forum.

I don't believe much in "women only" forum, because I fail to see why men are not involved?
Parenting: both, sometimes only the dad - and being a single dad is much harder because of the lack of support. Gay couples? Widower? Why wouldn't they belong on here?

Why can't the read about periods, first bra when their own daughter will be dealing with that, and they have no partner to take care of that?

Don't we want fathers, and men to know about periods in general, menopause, PND?

Pregnancy and birth? While only a woman can experience it, it would help if men could understand, and as I said, medical staff dealing and helping us are male too

Women seek out the opinions of other women because of these shared experiences and understandings.
but we don't have shared experience and understandings?
For women screaming they HATE men because in their experience men hate us, and they are abused and assaulted on a nearly daily basis, many of us have totally different experience.

And if something is that obvious to us, does it hurt for a partner to read and suddenly think: I didn't think of that!

Women liked having a safe space to chat
an anonymous forum is only ever going to be this, anonymous - and safe in that aspect, but it's naive to pretend it's a bubble.

I don't want "women's space" I want equality. Banning men is going backward in my opinion.

Maybe it was created for mothers, but most of the issues have nothing to do with motherhood, so if we accept non-mothers on here - and non-motherhood issues- I can't see why we have a problem with men.

Agree. Had to report a man twice this morning before 7am for offering to be a sperm donor. Twat! 🙄🙄🙄

You do you.

as I said - just my opinion.

"Male apologists" for being ok with men being where they have every right to be. Ok then.

And plenty on here isn't "women's problems". AIBU can sometimes be almost wholly politics which don't specifically target women for example.

Other topics are about benefits and housing and useful things like that.

Yes, I do me.

Otherwise I would just start a female-forum, or at least not go on a forum opened to anyone and everyone where you can discuss plumbing issues, dog breed and the acceptable time to message a friend on whatsapp and completely random issues😂

It can't be renamed PEOPLENET because pretty sure that name is already taken.

On the threads that are nothing to do with a person's sex, there would probably be no cause to know if posters were male or female, so unless the guy does than "man here..." thing, it's a non issue.
Where some people have an issue is when men are on here behaving badly, being disruptive, interrupting discussions about VAWG to tell us what nice men they are and how we really should say 'some men' not 'men' and the inevitable story about how a woman they knew once did something worse.
Then the popping up to offer the 'male perspective', like the whole of the male population has elected Colin from Crawley as their spokesperson on whether 'men like women with curves' or some other nonsense.

Yes. That's what dadsnet is for surely. Males sharing their experience of parenting from a male perspective.

Some men is correct... but anyway

People aren't saying "men shouldn't be allowed on X, Y and Z board" but they shouldn't be here at all

"Speaking as a man" type starters are no different to "speaking as a gran/childless auntie/teacher/30 year old" starters. It's to place the experience behind the comment in context

I have no issue with the sane ones. It’s the misogynist ones that perplex me.

Its irrelevant that some men is correct. The point is that a man is on a thread reading about VAWG, often containing distressing personal disclosures from women posters, and his take away is to make it about him. Him and his hurt feelings that in the discussion about rape women didn't pause to remember the lovely men who aren't rapists. I mean, what decent man reading those posts would even think to centre himself?

It's not irrelevant. MEN aren't one single entity, neither are WOMEN

Treating them all as one entity is the problem

I think this is what's known as a straw man. You are vehemently arguing something when I've not said anything to the contrary.
While choosing not to respond to my point about whether a decent man would insert himself onto a thread where women are discussing rape, often their own, to tell them off because they don't say NAMALT? Do you think a decent man would do this?

I must have missed the post listing all the resources for male lone parents. Can you link to it please?

It's definitely the case that when I became a single father some years back I looked around a lot and I found nothing comparable to the wealth of UK-specific parenting advice that I found here. Netmums was close but, frankly, all the huns and tickers made my teeth itch. But if that's changed then I'll definitely look in to it.

Do you think the only involvement men have here is to insert their opinions into threads about VAWG?

You’ve presumably heard of Google? Or are you just used to asking women to do the grafting for you?

Gingerbread Single dads
Dadmatters
Dadinfo
dadsnet
Families need fsthers
the breaking dad

basically there’s plenty of you can be arsed to look