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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to message my friend?

353 replies

Roundmirrors · 05/09/2025 13:40

My best friend went into labour 5 days ago messaged me to say it was all happening, very exciting, she was about to go into hospital etc etc... we have been through thick and thin together and besties since we were little.
It's now 5 days on and I still haven't heard anything more. I have messaged her, but she hasn't read my message (it has been received). I'm really worried about her/baby.
Aibu to consider messaging her family members to check everything is ok? The more time passes, the more worried I am. It's just so unlike her to not message... 😢

Sorry title is wrong! Should say 'message my friend's family'!

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 07/09/2025 23:35

If I were being silent for medical reasons to do with me or my baby in this scenario I absolutely would not at all mind my best friend messaging my sister to check in. It must be excruciating waiting to hear and your friend could not want that for you, just because she isn't able to contact you herself for whatever reason. You know her best though OP, if you feel she wouldn't want that then you're right to hold off.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/09/2025 23:45

I am guessing it is one week tomorrow ( Monday )
I would by now be messaging her brother, you are best friends so he will know who you are.
It may very well have been a false alarm and she wasn't actually in labour last week - if so I would have expected she would have told you.
Maybe she did have the baby a week ago and is busy.
or of course maybe the worst has happened, if so I expect the brother will know.

I do so hope for a happy outcome from this thread.

tinylegoscars · 07/09/2025 23:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Bunny65 · 08/09/2025 00:27

It’s really not that complicated. This is the OP’s best friend who even messaged her when she was going into labour. Why should she mind if her bf messages her brother if she’s not up to it? Presumably in those circumstances she’s got other things on her mind. I really don’t understand the mindset of someone being offended by it.

Crownit · 08/09/2025 06:19

do you live locally to her OP?

fatphalange · 08/09/2025 07:39

LovelySunnyDayToday · 07/09/2025 21:46

FFS. If it was my best friend, I would absolutely respect the fact that she’s not in a place to talk and let her tell me when she’s ready for a face to face visit. That’s loving and putting someone else’s feelings before your own.

To visit unannounced now when there’s been no reply to texts would be all about OP’s feelings. Give her space to let you know when she’s ready. That’s what I meant by just popping on round would be obnoxious.

Show quote history

‘FFS’ we are all different. The friend could be wondering where her mate is. I would be. It wouldn’t be in my mind to pick up the phone myself. I’d have assumed someone else had passed on any bad news and saved me the awful job. But me and my sisters and best mate really do love each other and don’t see tragedy as a reason to get precious with each other we just want to be there. Hopefully there is no bad news. It’s not ‘about our own feelings’. What a horrible way to twist real well meaning and concern.
Hoping for happy news for OP’s friend
To make my point again. Everyone is different. ‘FFS’ 🙄

RubySquid · 08/09/2025 07:40

NorthenAdventure · 07/09/2025 21:35

My dd had a stillborn baby, she fely abandoned enough by friends not acknowledging it and " avoiding her" ( her words exactly)

But in this scenario the OP has already sent messages, and has no idea what's going on, so there's hardly any abandonment or lack of acknowledgement going on is there! If her friend messages her and the OP doesn't get back to her, then sure!

Show quote history

Friend hasn't actually read the messages though

LimbOnTheBranchBranchOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheBog · 08/09/2025 08:52

don’t see tragedy as a reason to get precious with each other

@fatphalange do you really think someone going through the worst thing you could imagine and needing some space is being precious?

Thats quite the selfish, me-centric attitude you have there.

Plastictreees · 08/09/2025 08:58

We do not know she IS going through the worst thing imaginable. There is a lot of assumptions and projections on this thread. We also do not know she doesn’t want to hear from the OP; it could be that she is not in the position to get in contact at present. Considering she let the OP know when she was going into labour, I’m sure she wouldn’t want her to be going out of her mind with worry about what is happening now, a week on.

Very appropriate to contact her brother at this point, to ascertain what is going on and what the OP’s friend needs, rather than speculating.

Mumoftwoandcats · 08/09/2025 09:03

I really hope everything is ok with your friend and her baby, I would love to know what you decided to do.

LimbOnTheBranchBranchOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheBog · 08/09/2025 09:10

Plastictreees · 08/09/2025 08:58

We do not know she IS going through the worst thing imaginable. There is a lot of assumptions and projections on this thread. We also do not know she doesn’t want to hear from the OP; it could be that she is not in the position to get in contact at present. Considering she let the OP know when she was going into labour, I’m sure she wouldn’t want her to be going out of her mind with worry about what is happening now, a week on.

Very appropriate to contact her brother at this point, to ascertain what is going on and what the OP’s friend needs, rather than speculating.

If that was aimed at my post above yours then I was replying to the poster saying that her and her friend don't see tragedy as something to get 'precious ' over.

As for the rest of your post, you're also making assumptions.

Surely it's better to go off what op does actually know, and that is that the friend hasn't been in contact, hasn't posted anything on social media, and hasn't opened her messages so clearly isn't in the space to deal with anyone atm. So why would it be appropriate to think "my friend clearly doesn't want to tell me anything just now, so I'll just bypass her because I want to know."

fatphalange · 08/09/2025 09:43

LimbOnTheBranchBranchOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheBog · 08/09/2025 08:52

don’t see tragedy as a reason to get precious with each other

@fatphalange do you really think someone going through the worst thing you could imagine and needing some space is being precious?

Thats quite the selfish, me-centric attitude you have there.

Not at all
hth

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 08/09/2025 10:16

You need to stop reaching out. I’ve ready countless posts from soon to be/new mums that hate being bombarded with text messages asking for updates over the years. Just wait to see if she contacts you.

Plastictreees · 08/09/2025 10:42

@LimbOnTheBranchBranchOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheBog I am not assuming anything, or projecting either.

I am stating that we do not know what has happened here.

And that it is perfectly reasonable to reach out to find out the wellbeing of such a close friend in these circumstances.

Bondiblues · 08/09/2025 13:22

Perhaps she has left her phone somewhere.

HevenlyMeS · 08/09/2025 13:30

Yes, completely concur with you 💚🙏

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 08/09/2025 13:37

Hope all is well with your friend op x

ToeSucker · 08/09/2025 13:53

Roundmirrors · 07/09/2025 13:03

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate everyone's insights and I should probably have put tw in the title. I am sorry for the loss of those who have been through really hard times.

It isn't about me being selfish and just wanting news for my own benefit. I love my friend like a sister and her the same to me. If I got in touch with her family, I would just say that I wanted to pass my thoughts and love on and I hope she is ok. And I hope they would know I'm just being kind - not out for selfish gain. I wouldn't demand information or put any burden on her loved ones to answer me.
This is a sister-like friend who was beyond excited to share her pregnancy news as soon as she found out - before she'd even told family etc... Of course sent on scan photos as soon as she'd had the appointments, etc.... told me about the labour. It is very, very concerning that she hasn't made contact for days and days. If I'm honest, I'm worried that she may be gravely ill or worse. I had a distant relative pass away after labour and also know someone who passed away and thankfully was revived after CPR. Time will tell, but it's a gruelling wait, not knowing what the outcome has been following her last contact. I care so deeply for her.

Thanks for the hand-hold everyone.

Please update us OP

Original poster
Roundmirrors · 08/09/2025 18:12

Hello - a happy update 🎉 🎉 🎉 Thankfully everything is now fine and both my wonderful friend and beautiful new baby are doing well ❤️ They are both home! Sorry I didn't update sooner - I've been at work.

It turns out that baby was born quickly after she messaged me, totally ok etc... but my friend took a turn and was very poorly. I won't go into details as it's not my story to share, but she was in hospital for a week and too poorly to message. She didn't even pick up her phone until she got home as it ran out of battery and she didn't bother charging it, because she understandably wasn't with it ❤️‍🩹

She even apologised for not getting in touch sooner - I of course told her not to be silly and I was just grateful she is fine!! I didn't tell her that I was starting to fear the worst ❤️ But hopefully she's going to go from strength to strength now. 💕 Thanks everyone.

Bubba is super cute and I can't wait for cuddles!!!
... I'm still don't think that I'll be getting my friends husbands numbers 'just incase' though 😂 😂 thanks mumsnet! X

OP posts:
Bunny65 · 08/09/2025 18:16

So glad everything worked out fine

Wasitabadger · 08/09/2025 18:19

Delighted to read Baby and Mum are home and able to be with after a challenging entrance into the world.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 08/09/2025 18:20

Sorry she was ill, but happy that all is excellent now!

Letsgoroundagainnow · 08/09/2025 18:21

Good news

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 08/09/2025 18:32

@Roundmirrors That is the best possible outcome. You and your friend both sound like lovely people. Now enjoy all those precious baby cuddles.

ButterPiesAreGreat · 08/09/2025 18:40

Ah, so happy your friend and baby is ok! That’s the problem with situations like this, the permutations are endless. Totally understandable she didn’t feel up to getting in touch in the circumstances.
Hope you get a baby cuddle soon, when she’s up for visitors.