extreme anxiety and depression following job loss - when will it end?

[strugglingseptember2025]

I am keeping details deliberately high-level as I am gripped by paranoia. I am suffering extreme depression and anxiety due to job loss. It is not a job I can replicate and the lifestyle I assumed I could provide for those I love has gone forever. My reaction has been complete devastation. I spend my days obsessively rewriting the past to give a different outcome - oddly, that is the only thing that comforts me. The fear for the future is all consuming and debilitating. The anxiety has now spread so that I am questioning every decision I have ever made (e.g. relocation, relationship) and berating myself for it. I imagine how life could have been had I made the 'right' decisions. I have medication, I have referred for therapy, I have contacted the Samaritans and MIND and dialled 111 for advice. I am not living, I am barely existing, every day is like an endurance test. I feel utterly boxed in by a series of poor decisions. I keep going because I have to for my wonderful child. My elderly parents and sibling are sick with worry about me and I am racked with guilt for that as I love them so much. I desperately want to live a happy life but I cannot find a way out of this mess. I have had lots of interviews and get good feedback but not the job. I find the uncertainty intolerable. If I do find a job it is likely to be less than half of my previous salary. I do not have an AIBU but I am posting here for traffic.

I couldn’t read and run, I’m so sorry you are going through such a difficult time but it sounds like you’re doing every thing you can - opting for therapy and going for interviews so well done for that.
How long is it since the job loss happened?

I am very cautious about detail but I have been living with this torture for months rather than days and weeks

anyone? please?

I have experienced something similar when I was forced to go back to a normal job after a solo venture into self employment. Instead of focussing on what had been, focus on the now. Listen to podcasts on how to get back up after a perceived failure. Start engaging in activities you enjoy instead of dwelling. Watch comedies to start getting your endorphins going. Take it day by day and know you can’t change the past. Accept that and start to walk forwards one step at a time.

The fact I cannot change the past is the hardest thing to accept. I was a high earner and a huge part of my identity is tied up in my job. Yesterday I was speaking to someone in the very stable job I left to go to the one I lost. I felt so envious that most of my team were still there and I was not. I am such a fool.

I am sorry to be pushy but is there anyone there that can help please? I am very distressed.

thank you to those who have replied.

You've had good advice already, but I think it's difficult to give more than that without the finer detail. People may have sector or job specific advice?

You're not a fool. You're struggling, understandably, after a big life change.

I think its great you've been referred for therapy. Do you know how long the waiting list is? What changes can you make practically until therapy begins? Are you exercising at all? Are you eating properly? Could you start a hobby to give you something to take your mind off everything? Can you write out your thoughts in a journal? Can you sit in nature out of the house for a little bit?

It will be hard whilst you adjust, for sure. But be kind to yourself. You're not a failure and you've got plenty to offer the world still. You're just having a tough period. The next few hours are all you need to focus on - what you can do in the here and now to bring you a bit of peace.

Someone I love used to tell me, if I was ever having a tough time, "The past is only ever worth a view. You're not going that way".

I understand. I am too frightened to provide detail. When it happened I assumed that this nightmare would be over by now but there is no end in sight.

I'm sorry you're so distressed. Job hunting is tough atm, which will understandably feed your current poor self-image of yourself.

The high paying job didn't work out. But you're clearly employable and have a lot to offer. If I understand correctly, this was a big jump up. So you have mostly lived on a lower salary.

You haven't let anyone down. You took am opportunity and it didn't work out. You've got a supportive family who are there for you.

I hope you can access RL support ASAP. I really hope you recover from this setback. Keep going

I am unable to exercise, eat or sleep. I am barely functional and feel catatonic. I was holding my whole future in my hands and it was swept away in the blink of an eye.

No, it wasn't a big jump up. I have been a high earner for a number of years. My role before this one was £££ but incredibly stable and flexible with hugely generous benefits that I know with absolute certainty I cannot replicate elsewhere. I regret leaving that job and should have valued the benefits more.

Might be a long shot but might you be able to return to the original "stable" job you left? At my work, we've had quite a few people leave and then return down the line.

Kindly, you'll feel even worse if you're not eating or exercising.
Go and put a potato in the oven. Anything, just basic food. Whilst its cooking have a big glass of water and stand in the garden. All you have to focus on is doing that for now, and once you've nourished your body a bit your mind will feel much more able to make plans for next steps.

There is no chance of returning to my old job, unfortunately. Things have moved on and changed a lot there. I have actually unsuccessfully tried for less senior roles there. I have fallen so far, so hard and so quickly.

I felt this way when my husband left me with a baby and a toddler. I was given lorazepam from the GP which helped but making sure I ate properly also made a huge difference as I wasn’t eating and it made me feel far worse. Please stop beating yourself up we all make mistakes and somethings are out of our control. Things do get better in time and you will eventually see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Were you sacked for criminal incompetence, dishonesty or something that is likely to damage your chances of gaining other employment?

Because if not, it sounds like you are being INCREDIBLY, irrationally hard on yourself. Lots of people lose jobs, even high earners, and can struggle to replicate that level of lifestyle or achievement again. It doesn't mean they are worth less or their lives are not worth living. You still have a child and a family who love you. Surely that is worth much more than job?

I feel for you, I have two friends in the same situation where they cannot even get interviews for jobs we all know they can do with their hands behind their back - because for 20 years, they have been very successful in those careers. And they’re in two different sectors, which shows how tough it is out there.

They are feeling the same loss of identity, loss of purpose, loss of ‘usefulness’, loss of control, loss of confidence. I see how much it affects them as we join together in utter disbelief that they’re still out of work.

So I really feel for you. I wonder if some career coaching would be helpful as I know some good ones who help unpack experiences around toxic jobs, crises of confidence after redundancy etc. something that would help you move on from ‘why it happened’ and stop beating yourself up over it.

Because you can’t change it. You need to find a way to stop going over it and move forward.

I don’t know why you lost the job (and I’m not asking you to say). But whatever the reason - redundancy, they let you go before probation, they deemed you not to be performing, it just wasn’t the right fit - this is a blip. You have many more years of success behind you than this one-off blip.

I trust you are registered with relevant recruiters for your sector who can promote you to would-be employers. I hope you are using your LinkedIn network and asking people to share roles with you when they see them. I see you’ve tried for other roles at your old place but have you reached out individually to the hiring manager? The recruitment algorithms are horrendous and might filter you out as ‘too senior’ before anyone actually puts eyes on your application.

Good luck. Keep going.

thank you for the replies, I just want to turn back time. The job I had prior to this one was a unicorn due to various factors that came together during the pandemic.

Start small. Go for a walk. But with music or a pod cast to distract. Our brains are like algorithms in some ways - the more we think about something eg negative thoughts the more we are likely to think it again and again. Research shows this.
When on your walk listen to music and podcasts and gently turn your thoughts to something else when you notice the obsessional thoughts
You are more than your job - you are a mother, daughter etc etc. Focus on that right now. These are the things we will be remembered for. Not our jobs.
I hope you have a good psychologist or psychiatrist? Who is not just a counselor? Who uses researched back therapy combined with medication?
Practise being kind to yourself. I cannot imagine you would be talking to your children the way you are talking about yourself.

I feel like I have made a monumental, castastrophic mistake. I know it will be the defining point of my life forever.

@strugglingseptember2025 do you want to talk to us about why you left the unicorn role? What appeared better about the new role? What happened there for you to leave?

I ask because I think you’re using a lot of defeatist language (I understand why!) and you’re losing perspective. @Butchyrestingface is right; unless you were sacked for something massive, this is not the end of the road.

Go back to whoever prescribed the medication, it’s not working. Be honest about the state you are in. You need extra help. I’m sorry.

So look at this way: you are in a hormone storm. Your body is inundating you with stress hormones, and the base of your brain thinks you are in an extreme survival situation (a lion is looking at you). Physiologically your body is sending distress signals to your brain, and they are being sent back again. Try to take a moment to step out of the noise and panic in your head, and try to regulate yourself physically. Get outside for a walk. You absolutely can do it. Then eat a healthy, hot meal. Tell your brain to shut up for half an hour. You will pay attention to the crisis later. (Really, imagine it is a dragon living in your head and you have to tell it to shut up you will deal with it later.) If you can regulate a bit, then maybe tomorrow open the box to look at the dragon again to see if you can do anything, take any action, reframe how you look at it. Right now, though, you are in a cortisol storm and you just can't. Good luck OP.