extreme anxiety and depression following job loss - when will it end?

[strugglingseptember2025]

I am keeping details deliberately high-level as I am gripped by paranoia. I am suffering extreme depression and anxiety due to job loss. It is not a job I can replicate and the lifestyle I assumed I could provide for those I love has gone forever. My reaction has been complete devastation. I spend my days obsessively rewriting the past to give a different outcome - oddly, that is the only thing that comforts me. The fear for the future is all consuming and debilitating. The anxiety has now spread so that I am questioning every decision I have ever made (e.g. relocation, relationship) and berating myself for it. I imagine how life could have been had I made the 'right' decisions. I have medication, I have referred for therapy, I have contacted the Samaritans and MIND and dialled 111 for advice. I am not living, I am barely existing, every day is like an endurance test. I feel utterly boxed in by a series of poor decisions. I keep going because I have to for my wonderful child. My elderly parents and sibling are sick with worry about me and I am racked with guilt for that as I love them so much. I desperately want to live a happy life but I cannot find a way out of this mess. I have had lots of interviews and get good feedback but not the job. I find the uncertainty intolerable. If I do find a job it is likely to be less than half of my previous salary. I do not have an AIBU but I am posting here for traffic.

Yes, I am on meds. I have talking therapy arranged but when I have organised it in the past, it has not been successful.

Can you accept that tying your happiness and reason for living directly to a particular role and and level of income is irrational? If you can see this and you want to change that way of thinking have a look at my AMA.

This sounds incredibly hard, but I do echo the previous posters - you’re obsessing, repeating yourself over and over, fixating . . . none of that is constructive.

I think you need a job. ANY job. Are you willing to retrain? There are lots of opportunities in areas like AI and cyber security, supported by government schemes. Go in as a junior, work your way up. It will give you your sense of purpose back, you’ll feel productive again.

So you were big and important with a big and Important job. And then you rage quit.

You need to eat and keep a roof over your head now. You'll feel a thousand times worse trying to navigate the benefits system, as it's not set up to protect you from your choices, it's there to stop people from starving whilst they look for work and nothing more. And it would mean being stuck indoors (and inside your own head) when not attending appointments.

You need to do something - anything - that gets you out of inside your own head. Temping, cleaning, literally any job that will have you and you'll start feeling more useful, have a purpose and need to get up, get showered and dressed, out of the door and engaging with people - and be able to buy food/etc.

Your old job required you to make decisions and take action, rather than refuse and do nothing. It's exactly the same skillset that you need to wrest yourself out of this spiral of regret, paralysis and self pity - it's just not for a massive salary and general admiration now, it's for survival.

Once you're doing that, you will begin to feel better and can look at ways to progress again. Call it resilience, call it determination, call it sheer bloody mindedness, call it whatever you want - but if you were capable of such an important job once, you're capable of treating this glitch, this temporary hiatus, as a stepping stone to something different.

I left the job I loved 3 years ago, I saw my arse over something and left for what I thought would be a new start a golden opportunity, it wasn't, it broke me and I left and have bounced around since ( I am a nurse so work is easy to come by ) I am back in ICU now but at a second rate unit, I hate it, I hate the culture, but I made by bed, I have to lie in it!
I have to make it work.
Because what is the alternative, I still have bills to pay.

You will have to forgive me if I say you must pull yourself together and stop thinking of the past.
''The past is another country - they do things differently there''.
The job market has contracted a lot recently because of various factors like AI and new business taxes.
There is no point in beating yourself up it achieves nothing - just do your best and determine not to repeat past mistakes. Good luck!

@strugglingseptember2025 when you talk about only one dark option, are you thinking about suicide? Believe me, you have many, many more steps in front of you than that extreme one.

I’m not sure if you saw my earlier query, but if you are housed and everyone fed, you are safe. Your body doesn’t feel safe, which is why you’re in flight and freeze mode.

I agree the future based on the big salary for another 15/20 years is now not in front of you.

But it might be again. You could get another similar job. You got that one!

I left a job where they thought I was bloody Jesus to go to one that I realised two days in I HATED. I could have walked. I wanted to. I did manage to stay but had two stints of sick leave as a result of the toxic environment. When I left, I doubled my already decent salary. I believe you will get something. For now, I hope you find something that brings in some money and restores your confidence.

OP just because you are on medication doesn’t mean you are on the right medication. I recognise the feelings you are describing and had similar when at my lowest. Antidepressants/antianxiety medication (sertraline) helped me enormously, but it took some tweaking to find the right dose. Please go back to your GP/prescriber. If necessary ask for referral to a specialist (which may be needed to prescribe a higher dose). If you explain honestly how you are feeling, they will you.

Op, can I ask gently this reaction we see on here, the drama, the complete dooms mongering, was if a similar knee jerk dramatic fatalistic reaction to what made you leave your stable job? I just wonder if you’re repeating a pattern of behaviour, the reaction that made you leave the stable role, is it in any way similar to the reaction you’re now having?

because if there is similarities, I think it’s that you need help with, your ability to cope with stress, how you react in stressful situations. It does sound like this is all over a very long time, how long ago did you leave the stable job, how long were you in the last job, and how long ago did you leave it, it feels now like all in this maybe years`?

I would speak to your doctor again, as I think maybe you need help with your mental health, be it anxiety, depression, ocd related intrusive thoughts, no one can diagnose, but I think it is maybe fair to say you do need additional help.

First of all, as someone else has said, you need to go back to your doc as your meds aren’t working. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right one for you. Also, keep pushing for therapy. You absolutely need it and no message board can do what the right therapist can.

Second, I don’t know if this will help, but I recognise and understand your refusal to ‘give up’ on the life you had and still want, even though it’s in the past and you can no longer reach it. I felt this when I can cancer. People kept telling me that the old, pre-cancer me was gone and that I had to make peace with a new version of myself. No matter how many times I heard it, and how rational it was, this made me furious, resentful and sad. I did not want a ‘new’ life, I wanted my old life, the one I recognised, loved and felt had been unfairly taken from me. But gradually I realised they were right and that it was ok. The new me is still me, and my war wounds are part of life’s diverse journey. Eventually I came to embrace the future and see all the horrible experiences as just some of the bits of the recipe that made up me. I hope that you will soon be able to see this. I guarantee that, despite what you’ve said, this job loss will NOT be the defining moment of your life unless you make that happen. You have hit a massive bump in the road, but the road is still there and you can drive anywhere you want. Please, please don’t give up on yourself. There is extreme depression in my family and I hear what you’re hinting at. Please don’t go there. You are worth the effort of getting better.

I definitely think you need some mental health support. I don't want to say that your line of thinking is not normal, because that just sounds catastrophic, but it is a-typical, and it sounds like a multi-faceted approach to recovery will really help you.

I know you don't want to give too many details, but what did you enjoy doing about the job? Or rather, if you were to find another job, what would you hope it entails? What are your strengths? What makes you feel like you have accomplished something? You don't have to tell us here, but I'm just trying to see if it's possible for you to build the foundations for a new future pathway.

I am autistic, and a very obvious black and white thinker, and I find it so easy to spiral when anxiety and paranoia take hold. I didn't find CBT overly helpful, but some of the things it did provide I still practice to this day.

One of them is scheduling worry time.

I give myself half an hour a day to be as neurotic as I need to be about things that other people don't seem to be phased by. Sometimes this is with a trusted person, and sometimes it's just with a notepad. Then, at the end of it, I separate it into 2 categories.

Can something be done about this? No, let it go then or Yes.

If yes, when can something be done about it? Then I bullet point all of my worries in priority order, and then I tick them off as I sort them out.

Each day, I revisit any left over worries from the day before, and they get added to the list.

I find that a lot of the things I worry over, I can't do anything about so they end up just getting thrown away and forgotten. Sometimes something can be done, but in order to get there, there are other steps involved, and it can take some time, and I have to learn to have patience with myself and not get carried away, but it has turned worry and panic into anticipation and excitement, and even finally feeling accomplished once I achieve them.

This has really helped me curb my anxiety and low mood when the spirals start to happen. Could something like this work for you? Do you think that you could give some CBT a go?

With all kindness, I think a little perspective would be good. People across the world have varying degrees of wealth/income. That is not what is important. What is important is how kind you are as a person. No-one has "she always shopped in Waitrose" on their headstone, or even "she was a top earner" - what they have is "beloved".

This is not a mistake that you have made, it's that the road you were on has collapsed, which does happen to people sometimes (in fact, you're lucky if it doesn't). So, what would you do in those circumstances? Would you hang around in the unsafe debris, stumbling and just sitting in it, or would you look around and find another road?

The next thing might not be as financially lucrative, but it might feed your soul better. Whatever happened in the previous job, it doesn't sound like a place any of us would want to stay in.

I don't know how old you are, but the Guardian does a series on new starts after 60 (or maybe it's 50, I can't remember), which you can adapt to any age frankly. At extremes, Ben Fogle's New Lives series are also great for another perspective.

Hope you can find some therapy that really works, but every time you find yourself beating yourself up about your 'mistake', don't allow yourself to wallow in rumination - mentally stand up, shake yourself off, and look around for another road.

You made the best possible decision with the information you had at the time.

You are doing the best you can with the tools you have.

Repeat these to yourself when you start beating yourself up!

@Lanzarotelady your post sums up exactly how I feel. The only person adversely impacted by my decision was me.

@Brightlittlecanary I have wondered whether I have ocd

What is the worst thing you can imagine arising from this situation? Practically, not emotionally.

Hi op, I might be in your shoes soon. Redundancies are coming. I hope I keep my strength but if you want to chat or even meet if you’re in London I’m totally willing to meet. I won’t tell you to pull yourself together - losing a job, especially if you’re in your 40s and replaced by younger people and unable to find anything similar is devastating. Your identity is in it and also your financial future. Please do let me know if you want a proper chat as I truly won’t judge you and instead I fully fully sympathise

My fears are that I will lose everything and that I will never work in my career field again.

I "lost" my job following my maternity leave. My entire identity was enmeshed in my job. It's all I'd known for a decade or more. I'd progressed to a senior level, I spent my maternity anxious over returning to my role. I lost all contact with everyone and I was ultimately pushed out. Upon my return to work meeting, the in between the lines was that I was being pushed out of my role. At the time I was still suffering with PPD and I just walked away as it felt like the easier option. It's been almost 4 years and I still wonder what if, what could have been. It's not easy OP, but it does get better. Concentrate on your DC and take one day at a time. Good/better things will come.

Thank you, that is very kind.

OP- please, please contact your GP again. You need some professional help to move forwards. Please be kind to yourself.

I know its hard but you need to stop playing over everything in your head. Looking backwards is stopping you from moving forwards. From your messages I think the most important thing is your own mental health at the moment, the situation with your work will come but you must get help with your own health first.

This does not have to be the defining moment of your life. Your future has things you couldn't even imagine waiting for you- don't assume that this is it now. I know its hard to think things won't get better and it's hard to look forward but things will absolutely get better.

Please be kinder to yourself and stop torturing yourself by going over what has happened in the past.

Services for mental health can be a real postcode lottery as we all know but from reading your posts I really do think you need some more help here.

What else is in your life apart from work? Kids? Partner? Family?

Is your self worth measured by your work success?

Have you spoken to your GP or a health professional as it does sound like you are in crisis.

Do you think that you've somehow been "black balled" or prevented from working in your field again, or is it that your field is very niche and there are very few positions available?

When you say "lose everything", do you mean literally losing what you have already built up (house/car/savings), or is is more the loss of future life and things you'd planned that now seem unattainable.

Honestly (and meant very kindly) you sound like you are extremely unwell at the moment and were also unwell when you left your last role although perhaps a bit less so then. Your language is text book catastrophsing and symptomatic of a severe mental health crisis.

I would advise your first focus should be to get medical help to get well. If you have savings, it would be worth accessing some private support as NHS possibly cannot offer the quantity and quality of input you would find helpful.

Once you are in a better headspace, other career opportunities will come back. The reason you aren’t getting those at the moment is almost certainly because it’s obvious to prospective employers that you are in the middle of a crisis. But very very many highly professional and well paid people have what used to be called “a nervous breakdown” and rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. I personally know of several who are all very senior in their careers, earning 6 figure salaries and prospering again. This includes one in a regulated industry who lost their ability to practice for a while.

This is a horrible time and I feel for you but the feeling there is no hope is part of the illness. Things will get better if you trust the process but it takes time.

What is ‘everything’? What are the things you fear losing?

What would be the worst thing about not working in your career field again?