extreme anxiety and depression following job loss - when will it end?

[strugglingseptember2025]

I am keeping details deliberately high-level as I am gripped by paranoia. I am suffering extreme depression and anxiety due to job loss. It is not a job I can replicate and the lifestyle I assumed I could provide for those I love has gone forever. My reaction has been complete devastation. I spend my days obsessively rewriting the past to give a different outcome - oddly, that is the only thing that comforts me. The fear for the future is all consuming and debilitating. The anxiety has now spread so that I am questioning every decision I have ever made (e.g. relocation, relationship) and berating myself for it. I imagine how life could have been had I made the 'right' decisions. I have medication, I have referred for therapy, I have contacted the Samaritans and MIND and dialled 111 for advice. I am not living, I am barely existing, every day is like an endurance test. I feel utterly boxed in by a series of poor decisions. I keep going because I have to for my wonderful child. My elderly parents and sibling are sick with worry about me and I am racked with guilt for that as I love them so much. I desperately want to live a happy life but I cannot find a way out of this mess. I have had lots of interviews and get good feedback but not the job. I find the uncertainty intolerable. If I do find a job it is likely to be less than half of my previous salary. I do not have an AIBU but I am posting here for traffic.

I know someone who had a complete breakdown, lost his FTSE100 job and didn’t work for five years. But then he built things back up and emerged with an amazing job high up at Google! So it can be done. If you are valuable once you can absolutely be valuable again. But you need to get in a more stable head space first and for that you need medical help.

When i was made redundant I registered with a couple of agencies and got work through them. After a few months I set up a limited company and continued to work through agencies, offering the same skills as my pre redundancy job on a self employed/consultancy basis. I ended up earning 4x that I had been earning.

I think you need to speak honestly to your GP. The meds can make you feel worse before you feel better and you should feed back how you feel to your GP.
Can you say more about how you rewrite the past to make the results different - rather than repeating this action could you literally write it out so that it is out of your head?
While you can't say too much about the role you left, could you say more on the circumstances, did you make a mistake, were you made redundant, were you dismissed?
You may not have had the level of control of the situation you believe. It can be easier to blame oneself rather than seeing the nuance in the situation.
There are three things going on so you need to separate them out: your mental health crisis, the past situation (which is over) and your future plans.

Believe me when I say I’ve been there. 9 years ago this month.
at first you feel mortified and the shame is overwhelming.
Next you feel sad and then you feel angry.
Now I look back on it with a sense of personal disappointment.
I know that it feels like you will never do anything as good again but you 100% will. Your skillset and experience haven’t left you, they’re just a bit buried for a while.
start to eat, get some fresh air every day and exercise if you feel able.
forgive yourself and the rest will follow ♥️

But there is no basis to this is there? Your thoughts and fears aren’t reality

i was 47 when I lost my job last time and not only did I get something else I’ve since moved again in my 50s

I think this is very perceptive.

@strugglingseptember2025 those of us who are hugely invested in our careers completely empathise with your feelings.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a psychologist.

BUT you sound like you've lost perspective and are completely wrapped up in the trauma of your plans not working out. You made a decision, it didn't work out, and your instinct is not to grieve, be angry, then accept it, but to deny it, in the sense of going over the scenario again and again and again in your head, as if that would change the outcome in real life. My prescription, so to say, is to have a sort of shock therapy - go travel, volunteer as many hours as you can helping the homeless, do physical work volunteering in clean ups and gardening and renovations, hike the length of the country, do something to get to a point where you re-set, and this traumatic experience of losing your job is no longer the last and first thing on your mind, every day.

I suspect your thinking is dramatising the situation - unless you are a nuclear physicist or astronaut or prime minister, there must be more than one or two employers in this country who can employ you. it's 'just' a matter of time and a matter of building yourself up again, so you are not this shadow of a person who only reflects their last job back at the mirror.

Separately, is it possible you have issues around control? Some of the things you say sound like you are convinced you can control things to a level people simply cannot. Your plan did not work out. You left your last job because of a situation you did not like/could not control. Now you're retrospectively trying to impose control over something that's already happened. I think it might be important to acknowledge that in order to move on. The only thing you can control is your behaviour going forward, which is the path to regaining perspective and making plans for hauling yourself out of this hole.

OP DH and I have both had long careers in investment banking. I can relate to the shock and fear you’re feeling as getting made redundant from a very high earning IB career is part and parcel of the job. I have seen hundreds of high earning investment bankers made redundant over the years, including me twice and DH twice.

Some of them find another job for a few years then get made redundant again, for others, it is the end of their high earning careers. DH spent a couple of years out of work, followed by a stint working in a pub, before managing to find a job in compliance, earning about a quarter of what he used to earn. It does change the direction of your life, of course, but you need to try and reframe this. You’ve had many years of earning well, presumably you’ve been able to buy a house, have some pension savings, been able to enjoy some nice holidays? In the worst case scenario, this phase of your life may be over and now you’ll have a more ‘normal’ life. It may mean your child needs to leave private school, which feels devastating, but please try to focus on the positives a few years of high earning has given you. High earning jobs do usually come to an end at some point - think about athletes hampered by injuries in their prime, actors getting ‘cancelled’ because of something they’ve said or done. I knew a fair few of the bankers who left Lehman Brothers carrying their belongings in a box. For some of them, no, they didn’t get another banking job, but they have gone on to have happy and fulfilling lives nonetheless.

It doesn’t detract from what you’ve achieved but you need to focus on your new ‘normal’ now and what that’s going to look like. The first step in that, is deciding if you’re not going to work in your old sector again, what would you like to do instead? I took an admin job in the legal team at HMRC, ultimately, it wasn’t for me, and I’m actually now back in IB, but having that job whilst I looked for another IB job restored my self esteem and stopped me from spiralling (which is what you’re doing), I also looked at admin jobs in schools. I saw it as an opportunity to try out some new jobs, whilst I worked out what my next phase would look like.

Oh! I am sorry to read all this op. I too am a high earner and have been for many years. The difference being my earnings are within my control; can choose to work or not work. Therefore, I can easily turn down work buggering off for months to care for my elderly mum. At the start of my career, I regretted turning down a slightly lower paid secure job offered to me on a plate, just before recession hit, and I lived to regret it for a couple years. Whilst money wise I was fine and wasn’t without work, I regretted the security and stability that I turned down. I buttoned my belt, reduced my spendings, asked my mother to take over the private school fees of my adopted daughter who I proudly adopted when I was only in my early 30s; and sailed through. It helped that family members are scattered around the world so I managed to get free holidays (only needing to purchase my plane ticket) as they were not affected by the recession.

so you need better medication. Small steps. Try to focus on the now- I know the change you want can’t happen in a minute. Then try to regain control of situation. In your shoes, reframe the regret to not one of depriving your kids a future you had planned for them, but saying they are resilient (kids really are) and they need you to be better, to be functional and just to be there. In fact kids want you even with nothing to your name.

it is a mind matter- oh yeah, when I moved country to retrain at start of career, I watched previous colleagues progress at spreed. But in my case I was taking 2 steps back in order to leap forward. Indeed I did leapfrog them all by a long mile. So your fortunes can change any moment. Keep faith.

if you are in London, I too am prepared to meet with you even for tea in Chelsea- we can go to Harrods and buy something to eat. Or go to M& S for food- funnily, when lacking desire to eat, I do like to grab something from M& S. So anywhere around South Kensington, Chelsea and part of Knightsbridge can work- all on me. Or join me for a walk in Hyde Park and grab a coffee at the end. Please DM any time. And virtual hugs.

And the only person who can get you out of this is you

I am applying for jobs - but it has to be the right job - I can't keep bouncing around
I have to look at the positives - the salary is good - I have got the hours I want - I have a lot of flexibility - they are paying for me to do a course out of work and giving me study time - the work isn't that difficult - the people are ok - I know I don't like it - I know the unit isn't right for me - but what can I do?

I paint a smile on my face and look for the positives - the small glimmers - and book another bloody holiday

Thank you so much for your kind offer

@Sunnydaysxy I wish you were in the NW, I would meet up, you sound lovely xx

Oh, just saw other posts now about IB. Seeing I am in Chelsea and South Kensington, I meet them all and boy is that scene brutal and have met countless people suffering with mental health and being made redundant left right and centre. Some become very bitter indeed. Don’t become bitter. Indeed the reasons they pay you that much for years is to prepare for these unexpected changes. Indeed, reshuffle the decks, none will look down on you, and focus on your recovery! Indeed, it is a shock to the system, and have seen a lot of with my own eyes!

Thank you to everyone who has offered advice. I am truly appreciative. I am sufficiently aware to understand I am in the middle of a severe mental health crisis. I really hope I can get through this.

At the start of this year I was you OP- I am self employed but I lost a run of clients one after the other and the effect it has on my self esteem was chronic. My anxiety was through the roof, I couldn’t sleep or eat or even breathe it felt like. I felt truly insane and was having some really dark thoughts.

How I got through it- therapy (keep going. If you can’t get in with one therapist, keep trying for others. You have to prioritise this). Medication- I’m on an SSRI and have had to go slowly up and up a dose to get to a point where I can wake up without the immediate crippling feeling of anxiety. Keep talking to your GP.

Finally, and perhaps the most important- you have to work on decentring work. You mention that your identify is wrapped up in your job- mine was too, that’s why I crashed like I did. You have to work on separating your work from your life- work is just one small part of you life, not all of it. You can’t put that much pressure on it. When you think of all the people in your life who you love and why you love them, I’d be willing to be their job is way down the bottom of that list. It’s the same for you. There are books you can read on this and podcasts you can listen to, but honestly the best way to do this is actively choose to put other parts of your life before work. Log off. Spend time with your family instead of checking that email. Literally go touch grass. This has been one of the hardest but most valuable lessons I’ve had to learn.

It’s not an easy journey but it’s one I am convinced you can do. Good luck.

@sweetpickle2 You talk a lot of sense.

It is what I have to do now, separate - work lady - home lady - looking for my next holiday

this post contains my fears - that that part of my life is over.

If this is what it's done to you, it was never a healthy place to be and will not be in the slightest bit good for you to try and go back to.

You had a coercive, abusive relationship with your job/self image. And now you're reacting as many people do to the end of a coercive, abusive relationship whether they have been victim or perpetrator - horror, panic, obsession, desperation to get it back - so now you have to pick yourself up and look to something healthier. You weren't in control then, even if you thought you were - at best you were fooled by your ego and your colleagues/management that you were in total control.

Lots of us are very invested in our careers but still are able to pick ourselves up when this happens. I may not earn £££££ but I am a highly qualified and experienced professional with a lot of pride in my career and achievements

But what is the worst thing about that?

Exactly this. Your career and/or your salary doesn’t define who you are. But unfortunately OP you seem to think it does so without your career / big salary you think you’re nothing and you have nothing. This is a very flawed and self-destructive way of thinking. Where have you got this flawed belief from? Parents / upbringing I assume?

Just want to send a hug and say you're not alone. I don't know if you work (worked?) in what used to be the British film industry and has now basically disappeared, but that's the situation I'm in. Have gone from earning 60-70k a year to being unemployed for 7 months and now my savings are gone I'm probably going to have to get a minimum wage job and never be able to rent a place to myself again. Don't have any helpful practical advice but on Thursday I was really suicidal, drove 150 miles to see a friend using basically the last bit of space on my now maxed out credit card which I know was irresponsible but getting really drunk with a mate did help, or maybe I just can't feel the anxiety today because of the hangover! Knowing there are other people out there in the same predicament makes me feel a bit better so maybe it will you too.

My parents are wonderful and are out of their minds with worry. I’m not from a middle class background and my parents bust a gut to make sure I had opportunities they didn’t have. They always wondered why I pushed myself so hard and why I always wanted more/nothing was ever enough as they would have been very happy for me to stay in my first job for life. I work in a field where a lot of my identity is tied up with my job.

My dad is with me now. Even though he doesn’t understand mental health, he is insisting that he stays over to make sure I am ok. I hate that I am putting my parents through this.

Indeed. But I think there’s a difference between taking pride and a job being a disproportional part of our self esteem. I don’t say it’s healthy!