extreme anxiety and depression following job loss - when will it end?

[strugglingseptember2025]

I am keeping details deliberately high-level as I am gripped by paranoia. I am suffering extreme depression and anxiety due to job loss. It is not a job I can replicate and the lifestyle I assumed I could provide for those I love has gone forever. My reaction has been complete devastation. I spend my days obsessively rewriting the past to give a different outcome - oddly, that is the only thing that comforts me. The fear for the future is all consuming and debilitating. The anxiety has now spread so that I am questioning every decision I have ever made (e.g. relocation, relationship) and berating myself for it. I imagine how life could have been had I made the 'right' decisions. I have medication, I have referred for therapy, I have contacted the Samaritans and MIND and dialled 111 for advice. I am not living, I am barely existing, every day is like an endurance test. I feel utterly boxed in by a series of poor decisions. I keep going because I have to for my wonderful child. My elderly parents and sibling are sick with worry about me and I am racked with guilt for that as I love them so much. I desperately want to live a happy life but I cannot find a way out of this mess. I have had lots of interviews and get good feedback but not the job. I find the uncertainty intolerable. If I do find a job it is likely to be less than half of my previous salary. I do not have an AIBU but I am posting here for traffic.

Do you have contacts you could reach out so youre in mind for any emerging opportunities?

I work in a field where a lot of my identity is tied up with my job

OK, that's the part of you that needs to change.

Ok.

So unhelpfully I think you are your own problem. Of course youre struggling to interview well when you're this poorly.

I think you need to think basics. For next few days (longer but start with says) you need to eat, hearty, well balanced meals twice a day, go to bed and get up at the same time. And all thos anxiety it needs physically burning off, so a good walk to shake the tension.

You need to ground yourself, spend time with people you love, do a hobby that requires just enough thought that you can think. Get some fresh air.

This is horrible but it will pass, you need to take your meds, keep asking for help and tell yourself your priority needs to be getting better. Atm the mo your too ill to interview well and then punishing yourself like its the best you can do and using each negative experience to reaffirm your negative thoughts.

You didnt get those high earning jobs without being competent and good under pressure. This replaying youre doing its grief, and its ok but you have to let it go. And to do that you need to stop extrapolating this one bad experience into a bad life. That isn't what this is.

If you can ground yourself, get help, take your meds when youre better the interviewing will improve

Good luck

This is a really kind post, the poster has recognised that telling OP to
just pull themselves together is simply not an option.

OP I’ve been where you are. I’m through it now, time and medication got me through.

Well meaning but sadly possibly misguided advice to cook a nice meal, go and do some exercise and/or travel just sounds like an impossible task. For me it took a mammoth physical and mental effort to try to clean my teeth or get dressed.
Most days I didn’t manage either of those.

I didn’t want to exist. I spent four years in the depths of depression. Some of it was through covid so I could hide from most people.

I am now doing better, I will never be the same again, but just taking time to recover, not pushing myself and just accepting it was a process I had to get through was the way I coped.

I am saddened to read that you’re experiencing this mental
trauma, I would not wish it on anyone and I really hope
you come through it before too long.

good luck to you OP. Be gentle and kind to yourself.

Oh, aren’t you very kind! I have gone through all sorts! Lost dad at 12 years who had impacted values, principles and the need to be kind to all; my half sister is a princess; my mum is the wisest and kindest person I know; but I have learnt one thing, just.keep.going! It gets tough, but we must just keep.going. xx

Wanted to edit to add: Just keep going, keep the faith and eventually, something will turn up!

I also I quickly learnt early in my adult life and in my career that, just when you think you can’t give any more, just hold on a little and push a little more; as that is usually the time you are just about to make a breakthrough! And this has proved true to me, many many times.xx

and the ability to, at times, forget all, forget goals and just take a break if you need it. I find after that break of doing no planning, you happily pick up from where you left and carry on! xx
@Lanzarotelady yup, you can DM me, who knows, one day I might find myself in the NW 😊

There is (and I say this with sympathy) a type of pridefulness in feeling that your situation is letting everyone down, that you are the centre of the narrative and the helper of everyone. But in fact, your child will naturally in time move on with their own life and will do fine, your parents will get on ok as they always have and so will the wider family. I would also try and accept that for now there is uncertainty and that happens, for many reasons. But a job will get sorted in time. Right now, in this moment, you are warm and dry and safe and so is your child. That is the most important thing.

100% agree with this. It is hard, but forcing one to just let go- even a little- can free your mind and help you start again.

you were able to earn well in the past, so, the natural order of things means, you are able to do that again! Keep the faith!

I think it will end when you get another job and are forced to think about something else other than your regret about leaving your job in the circumstances you did. At the time it felt the right thing to do, you didn't dream the new role wouldn't work out so you can't blame yourself for not having a crystal ball!
So sorry you are feeling so hopeless, take the positive of good feedback from your interviews and keep going, you don't need 10 jobs just 1.
I had the chance to buy a flat in Edinburgh 30 years ago for a very good price but decided I wanted to travel, it would now be worth a fortune and my life would be very different. Yes, I feel sick when I allow myself to think about it, but have to accept my poor decision. Just as you have to forgive yourself for your job decision.

I was sacked this year (not redundant). You are in a process of grief. So there is anger, denial, then acceptance in the end. Don't let your former employers into your head. Learn to day "fkk them".

You will move on.. we all do....

OP how old are you? Could hormones be playing a role here (which could be discussed with your GP)?

How much do you need the money? If I were you (which I'm not) scale back. Things like a walk are free and fun. Use the time to sell stuff you don't need eg ebay. You only have one life dont waste ot trying to outdo the Jones. We live as a couple in a 2 bed bungalow in the Cotswolds, nothing grand. Both myself and my husband had life threatening health scares in our 40s. We work, but not too hard and invest aggressively. Best to you

My husband is going through almost exactly what you have described. He ended up in hospital at one point and he is recovering. He is on anti depressants and anti psychotics and is making good progress now. He also has OCD which I saw you mentioned earlier in the thread. Hang in there. Meds can take ages to work. If yours aren’t working for you, see if your GP can put you on something different?