extreme anxiety and depression following job loss - when will it end?

[strugglingseptember2025]

I am keeping details deliberately high-level as I am gripped by paranoia. I am suffering extreme depression and anxiety due to job loss. It is not a job I can replicate and the lifestyle I assumed I could provide for those I love has gone forever. My reaction has been complete devastation. I spend my days obsessively rewriting the past to give a different outcome - oddly, that is the only thing that comforts me. The fear for the future is all consuming and debilitating. The anxiety has now spread so that I am questioning every decision I have ever made (e.g. relocation, relationship) and berating myself for it. I imagine how life could have been had I made the 'right' decisions. I have medication, I have referred for therapy, I have contacted the Samaritans and MIND and dialled 111 for advice. I am not living, I am barely existing, every day is like an endurance test. I feel utterly boxed in by a series of poor decisions. I keep going because I have to for my wonderful child. My elderly parents and sibling are sick with worry about me and I am racked with guilt for that as I love them so much. I desperately want to live a happy life but I cannot find a way out of this mess. I have had lots of interviews and get good feedback but not the job. I find the uncertainty intolerable. If I do find a job it is likely to be less than half of my previous salary. I do not have an AIBU but I am posting here for traffic.

I left my previous role because I did not like the way a particular situation was handled. I am furious at myself for being so hot-headed and having a knee jerk reaction rather than taking the time to weigh up options. The people involved in that situation will never know the ramifications it has had for me - they have moved on to bigger and better things. There is no smoking gun story with how my most recent role ended.

To get some perspective on things, I find it helpful when I get stuck in cycles of negative self-talk to imagine it's another person saying these things to me about themselves.

So if someone you loved was telling you that they had lost their job, wrecked their life, knew that this job loss would be the "defining point of their life forever", what would YOU think?

Would you think - "yeah, you're right, you're a complete loser, your job was the totality of your worth and now it's gone, you are completely worthless"? Is that what you think about anyone else? If not, why should you hold yourself to such impossibly high standards?

I suspect you'd probably be horrified if someone you cared about was expressing these views about themselves.

Yes, friends have asked me what advice I would be giving them but it doesn't help. I just want someone to wave a magic wand or to wake up from this bad dream.

You may well have made a catastrophic mistake, most people have a decision they can point to that changed the course of their life - for better or worse. Is beating yourself up about it serving you well?

You can’t change it now but you can change what comes next. Think about your skills and experience, how can you use them to your benefit? You may not reach the salary you had previously but that doesn’t mean all is lost. You’ve had success before, that can happen again but it won’t if you’re sat on the sofa in your dressing gown berating yourself.

I am terrified I will run out of options and be left with only one way out and I absolutely, 100% don't want that. I am so desperate to live a happy life.

You have to live in the present, with plans for the future. You can't change the past. Is there a minimum wage you need to be earning?

I just want to feel like me again. I am so tired of being in this zombie-fied state.

When I am playing back scenarios in my head I am willing a different outcome so hard that it feels almost if I try hard enough, I will manifest it, which is nonsense of course.

A place to start might be to think about what a happy life means for you? It might be financial success, feeling fulfilled, being of use to others, being more creative, having time for things that fill your cup - it can literally mean anything. But if you don’t know what happy means for you, you won’t find it.

It’s human to mourn what we’ve lost, while also redirecting ourselves to look at the future so take time to do both. Try to avoid what ifs, they keep us stuck. Instead think what now…

OP, I’ve read your posts and here are my thoughts. I mean them extremely gently but it’s really clear from how you express yourself that you need to change something moving forward.

I can see that you frame things in an incredibly black-and-white, all-or-nothing way. You would absolutely benefit from some Dialectical Behaviour Therapy to pull your thinking away from absolutes/devastation and towards a more nuanced view of your situation. You will continue to make knee jerk decisions in future without help to address your rigid/inflexible framing of the past. If you need medication etc. to help you in the meantime, this is worth investigating.

I wish you loads of luck in the future.

Stop going over old ground. Start building a new you. You CANNOT go back. Given you cannot go back, what do you want to do now? The earthquake came, your house was destroyed: now what? You CHOOSE to live. You CHOOSE to create a COMPLETELY NEW life. Difficult? Yes. But going over the old stuff is not going to serve you well here. You need to build something new. And that does not have to be related to job or income (and it sounds like you are trying to get a new job, which is great -- but build in something else). As good as what you had before? Almost certainly not to begin with. But do it.

OP, kindly it sounds like you are at crisis point with your mental health. I felt similar recently after struggling hugely with anxiety starting a new job. Felt like the end of the world and I was having multiple panic attacks daily. I know you’ve said you have started medication and are awaiting therapy. If you’ve only just started medication (I went onto an SSRI to help control the anxiety) it can take a while to kick in and almost make you feel worse in the short term. I’d encourage you to go back to the GP and get further support to get your mental health under control. As a previous poster mentioned there are options to calm you right now. You will feel better and get out of this crisis, but you need to give it time and be kind to yourself. I’m out the other side and can see how I felt trapped in a deep black hole and in a mental health spiral but once you get the meds right it will help massively. I’m off them now and doing so much better. Please speak to your GP.

thank you for the kind replies, I appreciate it.

It is such a hard situation. I have had reactive depression in the past but this is a whole other level.

Angela Rayner has recently left her unicorn role.She will also be going through a hard time. I t would be interesting to see how she reacts and builds herself bac kup from what has happened.

You say you weren't successful in interviewing for positions at your old work. But what was the feedback? If things have changed there, is there anything that you can learn or develop to bring you back up to their speed?

But I would also get in touch with your GP.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I found hypnotherapy helped me find calm and the strength to start again. Sending hugs xx

I didn't get to interview stage. It is a massive organisation so the person reviewing the application would not know me.

What are your circumstances? Family? Dependents?

OK, so right now:
do you have a home, are you solely responsible for the mortgage/rent? Or is that safely covered?
are you and the family fed?

If no, are you claiming everything you can?

If yes - breathe. This will not be a catastrophe. It will be, and is, horrible and difficult. But you and everyone are safe and you can rebuild.

No, but you could contact someone who DOES know you and let them know you’ve applied and are they able to put a word in.

This is why men play golf! They use their connections. You will still be known and valued in your old team, use it.

So start taking steps to that happy life now. You need to stop looking backwards and stop ruminating on things that you can’t change because they’ve already happened.

The way forward is exactly that! Forward! If that is too difficult right now, start by living in the present. Which means looking after yourself. Eating well. Sleeping. Getting some fresh air / exercise. Doing things which make you happy! Start small. Even if that’s just having a shower and eating some fruit.

I was going to write something similar to this, Rizz has put it perfectly.

I think you are being way too rigid and fatalistic. You have created a mental prison that is impossible to escape from. You won't allow yourself to move on or accept any escape routes. I think you do need professional help to coach yourself through this, to start breaking down those mental barriers keeping you trapped. Please look into behavioural therapies and see if this makes sense to you. There will be people that can help you break free of this.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, it sounds like the absolute pits.

It really is the pits. that sums it up. I am furious at myself for leaving the previous job - the high salary meant that I could purchase unpaid parental leave which would have allowed me to have most of the school holidays off. I don't know why I didn't place more value on that. Every day is torture.

I cannot find any enjoyment in anything.