extreme anxiety and depression following job loss - when will it end?

[strugglingseptember2025]

I am keeping details deliberately high-level as I am gripped by paranoia. I am suffering extreme depression and anxiety due to job loss. It is not a job I can replicate and the lifestyle I assumed I could provide for those I love has gone forever. My reaction has been complete devastation. I spend my days obsessively rewriting the past to give a different outcome - oddly, that is the only thing that comforts me. The fear for the future is all consuming and debilitating. The anxiety has now spread so that I am questioning every decision I have ever made (e.g. relocation, relationship) and berating myself for it. I imagine how life could have been had I made the 'right' decisions. I have medication, I have referred for therapy, I have contacted the Samaritans and MIND and dialled 111 for advice. I am not living, I am barely existing, every day is like an endurance test. I feel utterly boxed in by a series of poor decisions. I keep going because I have to for my wonderful child. My elderly parents and sibling are sick with worry about me and I am racked with guilt for that as I love them so much. I desperately want to live a happy life but I cannot find a way out of this mess. I have had lots of interviews and get good feedback but not the job. I find the uncertainty intolerable. If I do find a job it is likely to be less than half of my previous salary. I do not have an AIBU but I am posting here for traffic.

It's good you're getting therapy. They'll be able to help you find ways to reframe your thoughts so you can start thinking about the future instead of dwelling on the past. You need to urgently find a way to put all this negative talk and dwelling behind you and take small steps to improve your life in the here and now, so you can start building towards a future. It may not be the one you imagined but it can still be a wonderful future (maybe even better than you thought!) But to get there you must make a promise to yourself to leave all this dwelling behind. Draw a hard line under it and dont engage anymore. If not for you, for your child! They need their parent right now. I'd seriously consider going to the GP for medication as that could help you to feel less depressed within weeks, and give you the space and energy to start exercising and looking after yourself. Good luck!

Thank you. Yes, I cannot focus on concentrate on anything. My mind is racing, my stomach is churning, my fingers and toes are tingling. I am furious at myself for reacting to the situation in my previous job the way I did. I am so self destructive. The high salary gave me a lot of options and flexibility in various aspects of my life. That has now gone and I feel utterly trapped. This is not a situation that will resolve over time so it seems like I will feel like this forever. I will have my life before and my life after.

I’m sorry you’re struggling OP, I agree with others that therapy will help you massively with this because it seems to me like you need some real help reframing this & leaving it in the past. You cannot change the past, you have the power to change the future, and right now you are spending more time worrying about the past than trying to help your current & future self.

I agree with both of these posters.

OP, I will say to you what someone said to me regarding a recent blip of a senior job (check my username): Move on.

Seriously. Move on. Stop thinking about it. Stop replaying things. Just stop. Because people will tire of your unravelling and you'll achieve absolutely nothing. Just more misery. You don't want that, or else you wouldn't have posted here.

Do you think your ex-colleagues are spending this time self-flagellating and fixating on the doomsday scenario you have described over and over? Do you think anyone in your life would be as cruel to you as you are currently being to yourself?

You may need some help from a GP to steer yourself away from such intrusive and damning thoughts - at least in the short term. So take it. You may need to prioritise eating and exercising and better sleep. So do that.

You've had some thoughtful and stellar advice on this thread, and with all due respect, you will be burning through people's goodwill if you can't take a step back from the catastrophising and pause. Just to consider your next step. The next healthy and nourishing thing you could do to improve your future. Doesn't have to be massive. Rome wasn't built in a day.

I feel for you, as it's clear that you're going through the wringer. But time to stop obsessing and help yourself carve a bright future that you're capable of having.

I used to spend a lot of time rewriting the past in my head. I felt like the choices I made back when I didn't know enough about what I was doing irrevocably closed doors for me and that there was no way forward along the path I was treading.

What helped was antidepressants. I strongly recommend you go to your GP and ask for them. Antidepressants may help reduce the constant rumination, which while satisfying (which is why you continue to do it) isn't helpful for moving on.

Good luck and I hope things improve for you.

Look up fight, flight and freeze. It sounds like you are stuck in the latter. There are things like breathing techniques and exercises you can do to try and get your nervous system out of this stasis. I found some good breathing exercises on youtube back in the day.

I do recognise that I am alienating friends because I am stuck on a loop. Some friends have stopped answering the phone as they are understandably sick and tired of hearing me say the things and them telling me the same things.

Can you apply to any jobs at your old place? Do you know anyone there?

It does upset me that I let one situation push me to leave my previous stable role. I ought to have given myself time to calm down and reflect on where I was at and what was important and make a rational decision. As I say, the people in the situation have moved on to bigger and better things and have no idea of how it all played out for me. I just want to feel like me again.

Op you can't know for sure whether something is a good or bad decision.

medium.com/finn-jackson/the-parable-of-the-taoist-farmer-8f52bba7f12c

What's the existential fear that's driving this horrible chasm of totally unnecessary fear. Start there

Life isn't about jobs, money or belongings....ask for help once your savings drop bellow 16000 , if I'm still correctly informed, enjoy your child's company and don't get the devil free reign to your mind

Nothing in this life is worth any worry

Many of us crossed Europe with 0 money, like my daughters and settled here in nice big homes. Life just happens ...it will for you too

Life for me and my daughters was hard work before we settled here. For many people job uncertainty or low income can be a theme for years, even decade or more. We still kept our hope, drank coffee and laughed even though we probably wanted to cry a little. Being strong in the face of adversity isn't a cliche. It's what keeps you sane and trying

I raised them taking only for granted the fact they will need to do a physical job. If more came, I taught them, good. If not, just one room, some food and nature or a book will be enough...my daughters did well in marriage. If not they still have their humble mindset and their work ethic

Your anchor has to be at the centre of your own being and noone else or nothing else. Take this from grandma , you are eternal beautiful being with divine purpose in life ....

I don't mean to be unsympathetic but cataclysmic is something like losing your child to a car crash, being diagnosed with a terminal illness and six months to live, your country falling into a state of war and having to leave your home and become a refugee somewhere.

Relatives of a friend - the husband/dad died of cancer ten years ago, leaving two young children. The mum has now died of complications from cancer herself, leaving the children, one of whom is still a teenager, as orphans. I mean that's a properly fucked up situation for those kids to be in. In the grand scheme of things, to lose a job and be struggling to find a new one? That's rough but it's not being orphaned at 16.

Life can be like that. We all think that we're in total control of our life's outcomes, especially when things are going well. But ALL of us can potentially make one decision that unwittingly changes the whole direction of our lives on an unforseen way. You have an opportunity to learn from this; punishing yourself is unnecessary and compounds the self-defeating and damage to yourself, you need to overcome it.

Can you think of another time in your life when you have overcome a difficulty, or found strength to get yourself through a tough situation? Can you remember how you did it and how that felt?

Thank you for the supportive messages (and the unsupportive one). The job I did before the job I lost was one of those big, important jobs I see mentioned on here but also very much a job for life. My entire future was based on that level of income for the next 15-20 years until retirement. Now I see a big black void where my future once was. I had plans to help family. There are other complicating factors which allowed me to finance certain other arrangements that I can no longer do. I am in a very dark place.

OP, I know you know this but you are catastrophising. You have had a setback and are simultaneously facing the practical impacts of that and the attack on your identity.

You must calm down, because the panic is steaming off you. And panic and senior roles are a bad match.

It doesn’t sound like you are working your network, so can you start attending events, making phone calls.

You also need to quit (cold turkey) remaking past decisions. I speak as the veteran of a 20 year shitty marriage, and those thoughts are not constructive.

So what if your next job is less than the unicorn? The next job is about showing resilience and the ability to come back.

Have you a concrete back to work plan, are you getting advice on your CV. Your current job is to get a paid job.
all the rest is small stuff.

If you don’t give us any more detail, nobody will be able to give you any proper advice. So, you’ll just continue to obsess and spiral while strangers write ultimately meaningless platitudes.

As someone with a ‘big job’, my belief has always been that I can get another one if I need to. I’ve never been wrong. It might not happen immediately, but it will eventually. A job is always just a job.

Hi

I lost my job (redundancy so no fault of my own) at the start of the pandemic. I had been there a few years after being made redundant from my previous job. I was devastated. It felt like a bereavement of sorts. Plus my husband was furloughed and there was a lot of worry at an already horrendous time due to Covid.

But within a few weeks I felt stronger and was able to bounce back and get something else. And so will you I’m sure. No it may not be the same or as good but if you had 2 high paying jobs they aren’t going to be the only 2 on the planet?

Depending on how long these feelings have gone on for I also think you should consider seeing the GP in case you are depressed. I know exactly what this situation is like but it IS only a job and your reaction appears extreme and disproportionate x

I appreciate there are other people who face worse situations than me. Certainly, there are at least two people who I know of who are going through situations very similar to the ones you describe. In fact, I have experienced a worse situation myself but reacted differently as it did not stem from something I did so I could not start with the self-flagellation. Without wishing to be dramatic, my fear stems from the fact that the future I planned has gone and I cannot get it back. I am petrified that I will run out of options and be left with only one and the ramifications that would have. I cannot even bear to think about that. I desperately want a future.

This is very very dramatic language. It’s highly unlikely that it’s warranted.

Please see my comment above re the obsessive spiralling.

@ForZanyAquaViewerI fully recognise the language is dramatic. I also appreciate that the reaction is extreme. But that is how I feel. I truly wish my response was more balanced and proportionate. I see other people handling job losses and they are coping. I worked incredibly hard over a 30 year period to get to where I was and many sacrifices were made by my parents to enable that. I am gripped by fear and regret. It is all consuming. Sorry, I can now see you have edited your post to be more gentle, for which thank you.

I believe you need to find a good psychologist to help you navigate this period of your life. Talking therapy, maybe anti anxiety meds and start hitting the gym and channelizing all that anger in a more positive way. Yours is quite a common thing nowadays so you're not alone, but you need some professional help to navigate it because this too shall pass. buy a Punching bag? Best luck with all.

Oh I’ve seen you’re on meds, sorry. Counselling? Therapy? Maybe wrong but I’d have thought with a high salary you should have savings and a buffer to pay for these things.

Once your depression is under better control hopefully the unhelpful thoughts will lift and you’ll develop some coping strategy