Back to school skinnies - what to say

[broadly]

Private school (relevant as this relatively is expensive) - mums arriving back significantly smaller than they were before the summer.

Do I say anything? Like they look great? Or just ignore it. None of them are really good enough friends to openly ask about WLI, and I wouldn't ask how. But just to acknowledge?

So weird, isn’t it? I think it’s because they can’t feel superior to them any more.

ETA sorry, I quoted the wrong poster!

Tough one. I’m on a weight loss journey and I’d love for people to openly compliment me when I’m a skinny b.

but I never comment on anyone’s weight or physical appearance unless they hint at it first. You never know what people insecurities are or what could be triggering for someone. Best avoid unless they mention it themselves.

The said thing at our school seems to be “you’re looking really well!” I have heard it so many times over the last week in this situation (unfortunately only once to me 🤣)

Can I say - anonymously on her though - that that weight loss is bloody brilliant. Well done - it’s a slog but you must now feel soo much healthier.

So this is a judgy thread then? Under cover of "Should I say something complimentary?"

I would say nothing at all.

Thank you. Yes, I feel so much better for it. Above all I'm happy to be healthier for my children but they are also pleased I don't hide away from every photo now.

You look less heavy than last time I saw you, are you on the jab?

that should do it

Can I tweak that to "you look WAY less heavy ..."

Can we tweak heavy to hefty?

I'm actually thinking let's just go with fat.

Unless you like elephantine?

How about corpulent or abdominous? It is a private school.

I have a 'friend' who is positively obsessed with my weight, never fails to mention it ('backhanded compliments' like oooh have you lost weight you look fabulous, no I've put a stone on, argued endlessly with me about it bc she cannot accept that anybody could 'happen to be' a size smaller than she is without some kind of skullduggery. I have a health condition that for her meant I was 'supposed' to have put weight on, which I hadn't because it isn't a given, but actual overweight people had told her they had the same condition, which in all probability they did not. She became such an absolute PITA not just about My Weight but other stuff as well that I fell out with her in the end. I have other good close friends who never NEVER have mentioned their own weight, mine or anybody else's... Don't mention people's weight (loss/gain), it's FA to do with anything 🤷🏻‍♀️😁

You could be noticing the cumulative effect of a few months rather than just the summer holidays. I’ve lost just over 3 stone on Mounjaro and no one noticed the first 20lbs. I’d gained and lost those endlessly. However they really noticed the second 20! Add to that the fact that you haven’t seen them for 6-8 weeks, and your mental image of them is probably a bit out of date anyway (ie, in your head you’re picturing them at the size you’re used to seeing), and suddenly it looks like a vast amount.

The problem is both of those sound kind of like an achievement or distinction.

@Calliopespathat is true, perhaps fat is safest. Or the elephantine / gargantuan slant.

Yes gargantuan would leave her nowhere to hide.

I hate these fat shaming threads.

Or it’s just a goady thread, let’s be honest.

I think it is.

Op's very telling post about her hobby being the gym makes her resentment of their "easy unravelling" of weight issues quite clear - as if someone has just been awarded a university degree without sitting the exams.

Why does weight have to be such an emotive topic? People can be unhealthily thin as well as overweight, and both ends of the spectrum can be riddled with metal "ill health" resulting from the obsessive focus on it in our society.

On a serious note, sudden and obvious weight loss may be caused by serious illness, so extra reason to tread carefully. I don’t get the unthinking response that thin body = positive.

Totally. I often cringe when people say things like 'You look amazing, you've lost so much weight!' Unless one knows for a fact that someone has been trying to lose weight, there's so much potential for unintentionally causing pain.

People are definitely wary of saying anything to me, I’ve lost 5st7lbs but I’m on long term sick, walk with a stick or crutches and I’m visibly in pain. My kids are very gentle with me and I see people wonder if I’m poorly and look uncomfortable. I’ve destroyed my hip which is a total disaster but I’m not dying.

Don’t panic. He only started school recently. My DD was exactly the same, couldn’t read or write before he got to school. Lots of giving up, frustrated huffs, being bored of trying when we first started reading out words at home too.

they pick it up very very quickly in school and will be coming home happier to demonstrate to you.

watching your kids learn to read is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever done tbh 🤣 I just want to be like “HAT, IT SAYS HAT. H A T. SAY IT!” But we have to be patient with them. I forget how hard it must be for them to learn it tbh. Can you imagine learning to read all over again now even as an adult?!

Clearly I’ve selected the wrong thread 😭

I’m coming back to school noticeably skinnier. It’s because I have cancer. 😂 It’s surprisingly slimming.

I often wonder if people think I’m on WLI! I’m not. I’ve actually never dieted in my life, except the one time I did the Atkins diet for like a week in solidarity with my mum (who was always on some diet). I got tired of scrambled eggs quickly and decided I like my (non-slender) body just fine anyway. That was 20 years ago, never a diet before or since.