Back to school skinnies - what to say

[broadly]

Private school (relevant as this relatively is expensive) - mums arriving back significantly smaller than they were before the summer.

Do I say anything? Like they look great? Or just ignore it. None of them are really good enough friends to openly ask about WLI, and I wouldn't ask how. But just to acknowledge?

I think we should give OP some grace here. It’s not usual for people to comment and it used to be pretty normal to do it. People comment on my weight loss and I don’t immediately think they have no manners or judge them, even though I hate it. I just think they haven’t caught up yet and need a bit of time. People don’t mean it in a nasty way. Some people are just a bit clumsy and we can give them some grace. I’m sure I can also be a bit clumsy around other things, although I try not to. We are all human.

I’m sure they’ve noticed but just don’t want to say anything as they don’t want to be rude.

Oh I thought "you look well" meant someone had put weight on.

Disclaimer - I have never said this to anyone. DSIL frequently says it to DH or I.

The only time to comment on someone's weight is if they have told you they are trying to and they are succeeding in it. And there are no eating disorders involved.

Otherwise stick to the "how was your summer" or "I like your jacket/bag" or "What does little Elpheba think of her new teacher?"

'Been on the skinny jabs have you bab' would suffice at my school 😂

What does the cost of a school have anything to do with mums losing weight over the summer and you feeling you should comment on them?

Is this seriously a wind up?

A random man in the gym (who I do see a couple of times a week) said I lost weight recently and my PT comments on how muscular I'm getting. I bloody love it - that's why I go so it's great that people can tell!

I thought this was going to be a thread about trousers

What has being an expensive school got to do with it? As for saying anything why would you?

I’m one of those people. I’ve been on WLI for 18 months now and lost a lot and I was dreading the Sept school run because other parents always comment on my weight loss, especially after a long break like the summer. It makes me feel ashamed - as I am most upset that I gained so much weight.

Just Do not comment on people’s weight! no one ever said anything as I got bigger and bigger (though I’m sure they said plenty when I wasn’t around). So why comment now it’s off?

and don’t assume everyone has lost weight on the jabs either - I would be even more upset if I had been ill and that’s what people commented on.

this really boils my piss 😡

If you really want to, you say ‘you look FABULOUS’. They knows what you mean.

This!

another goady thread!

oh,and op…what is ‘skinnie’ anyway? Elaborate….

I think because inherent in the compliment is an acknowledgement that they had noted and registered your size before the loss and not thought it ok to comment.

A bit like saying "Well you've certainly improved the look of yourself: I feel I can actually mention it now .."

You could always try that op!

Yup I think behind every 'you've lost weight, you look great!' is an unspoken 'because you looked dreadful when you were a big fat fattie'. Even if that wasn't the intention of the complimenter, I always hear it as the complimentee.

I got so many compliments after I lost weight after extreme stress and heartbreak and I couldnt eat? This made me feel rubbish about my normal healthy happy size!

I hate folk referring to women (human people!) as "skinnies".

Jesus.

"Tapeworm" would be my reply .

Yes and the sort of "congratulatory" tone means a larger you was judged.

TBH often when I notice people have lost weight its primarily because I noticed their face is looking comparatively gaunt, so I just never broach it.

Oh gone on..... you wave and shout

"oooh you spent the summer on the weight loss jabs. You going to handle the increase of costs ok or giving up the private school?"

Don't comment on anyone else's body, regardless of whether they've lost or gained weight. Obviously.

Maybe the people who you think look ‘haunted’ have been unwell or have had a bereavement which is why they’ve lost weight. Or maybe it’s just how they look when they have less weight on them.

Sure they’re devastated that you (who I bet looks amazingly beautiful all the time) doesn’t like the way they look.

So basically, what you're saying is that you've noticed they've lost weight and because you are incredibly nosy, you're dying to know if they've been on Mounjaro but you can't bring yourself to come right out and ask, so you're trying to think of things you could say to them that might elicit a confession from them?

YABU. Don't comment and mind your own business. You clearly don't want to tell them they look great out of the goodness of your heart, you just want to find out their private health choices.

I think if I were chatting to one of them I might say I love the outfit they’re wearing, it looks great but I wouldn’t specifically mention weight unless it was someone that had been telling me they were trying to lose weight, and then it would be a supportive how’s it going type of thing.

Maybe they have all had WLI. But maybe one of them’s husband left them and the stress has resulted in severe weight loss… or grief due to the loss of a family member…. Or they’ve been really ill and lost weight. There’s no guarantee that it’s intentional weight loss, and for that reason I wouldn’t mention it.

Don't they say mountjaro gives a "haunted" look? Is that what is being got at here?

Maybe. Doesn’t change the unkind tone from that poster though does it?