To feel weird about nursery staff putting bows in DD's hair?

[CalonHapus]

When DW picked up DD from nursery yesterday, they had put DD's hair into bunches with pink bows. They were apparently pretty pleased with themselves and were commenting on how 'cute and girly' DD looked.

We mostly dress DD in unisex clothes (which - as she's 14 months old - lots of people seem to read as 'boys clothes'). She has long hair which we mostly tie up into a 'pineapple' on the top of her head. We're not trying to 'make her look like a boy', we just like to put her in comfy, practical clothes that she can be active in. We don't put her in dresses very often because she tends to get tangled up in them or trip over the hem.

AIBU to feel like the nursery staff were trying to make a point by doing this? i.e. "you're not presenting her like a 'proper girl' so we will"?

I agree with you actually. I look back and really regret dressing my daughters up like little fairy dolls. The world has moved on, unfortunately you are probably dealing with Sick as mince nursery staff

I think that it was the "pretty and girly" comment that was the real issue. Those are the only traits that people seem to promote in girls which is quite regressive.

You'll probably find one of the other children had this hairstyle and so they did it to your DD as well because she was watching them. That's what happened with my little girl, who never ever used to let me put her hair up until she noticed her nursery friends' hairstyles.

I'd be well pxssed off.
If it were a case of dressing up I would expect the staff to explain that's what it was and why they'd left it that way .

😂🐶

They're just bows.

I think you're taking it all too seriously because you're being too try-hard in presenting her as a child who doesn't wear stereotypical 'girls' clothes.

That's a parental choice but try not to use your child to make a 'statement' of some sort.

Clothes are just clothes and if she's getting 'tangled in dresses' and 'tripping over the hem', then they weren't particularly practical dresses in the first place.

Let her wear whatever she's happy with and if she was happy with her hair in pink bows at that time, that's all that matters.

"and were commenting on how 'cute and girly' DD looked."

Were they?

I mean, you’re welcome to move her to a different nursery but I think you’ll probably find issues with that one as well.

???

I loved it when my daughter came home all dolled up by the staff. Shows they were interacting and looking after her. She’s a girl. Enjoy it. She has plenty of time to decide her own likes and dislikes and style as she gets older.!

is it just bows in general?, it it pink bows? Would a plain ribbon be ok ? But not pink ?maybe a ribbon in a “not girl” colour (whatever that would mean) , or is it no ribbon ? Is it the ribbon itself that is the symbol of female oppression (all those Suffragetes and their damn ribbons), or the colour of the ribbon? Maybe something less “not girl” (again what does that mean) .. are bobbles allowed ? What’s the acceptable colour for those?

…Girls can wear trousers, and wear pink bows .. both of those things are ok. Seems OP has a very negative view of anything associated with being female - some very internalised misogyny there. You would have been delighted had they had slicked her hair back and said she looked like a boy.

oh .. and your not the first to do “we don’t use anything gendered on our child”, they can be what they want … as long as it’s not whilst wearing Pink … how tedious

Really? Wild that you have enough headspace for this. Do you work?

Couldn’t imagine getting worked up over this and I’m quite sensitive as a parent x

Fuck me, people get offended by bloody everything these days. It’s getting ridiculous

For goodness sake, obviously they weren’t 🙄

Wee girls like getting their hair played with! It hardly stopped her playing or anything did it.

Unless you think that her looking a bit more girly is somehow bad, in which case you should check your own bias before theirs.

You are reading too much into this.
My grandson insisted, as a toddler that I put his hair up in a bunch with elastics similar to the one I had in my hair.
His sisters have also requested the same type of 'dressing' up of their hair if they find elastics on the floor.
Kids notice other children and how they do their hair or whether they hold an umbrella etc.

Does you child love to brush your hair?
Do they like to see themselves in the mirror wearing face paint or different hats?

The excitement was probably because seemed happy with their hair and the teachers were expressing joy and afirmation.

I wouldn’t overthink it and personally it wouldn’t bother me at all. I used to work in nursery settings and my kids have both attended them as well. Some children love having their hair done as a lot of nurseries have a dress up / role play area with hairbrushes etc.

As a mum who’s had multiple kids in nursery from their first birthday I think you’re reading too much into this. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of the girls in dresses at nursery, as you say, dresses aren’t practical clothes for nursery so I doubt your daughters the only one in leggings and a t shirt and that they are making a point about her clothing.

the more likely situation is your daughters hair was falling in her face (as baby/young kids hair is so soft it falls out after 5 seconds being tied back) and they stuck a couple of clips in to hold her baby hair out her face. They then thought she looked cute as I’m sure she did so they commented on it. No big deal, if you’re otherwise happy with the care, move on.

I’m regularly sent pictures of my two year old son clacking about with high heels and dresses on with comments about how cute he looks, I assume they are letting him dress up and have fun and not making veiled comment on his gender identity!

My DD regularly comes home from nursery with her hair platted or in other styles, I absolutely love it and so does she.

I have noticed that. Gender natural is always creams and blues. It’s never pink.

My DD was my ultimate dolly. She was dressed up in all colours, all hair styles- bows galore. She could play with anything she liked and if she played racing cars and built forts and climbed trees whilst wearing a pink tiara and a glittery tutu then she did! that is true gender neutral!

God almighty how do some of you get out of bed in the morning?

🙄

I was going to say YABU, but then I saw her age.

My child's nursery used to do this in preschool - the staff would also let the kids style their hair 😂 It was just a fun thing to do on a rainy day (and the staff could manage a much neater french plait than I could!).

At 14 months though I don't suppose your daughter had any idea what was going on, so it was probably just for the "entertainment" of the staff.

Not much to complain about then.

If you don't like it - get a nanny and give them strict instructions around bows. Not sure it's worth the premium.

My son (who has long hair) also comes home from nursery in pigtails and clips. He absolutely loves it.

Nursery staff often aren’t the brightest. The journey will be much easier if you ignore stupid comments and things they do. Believe me, the kids won’t remember it - mine barely remembers anything about nursery. She certainly doesn’t remember them constantly braiding her hair (???) and their iffy gender role opinions. What you teach her will be what lands