To feel weird about nursery staff putting bows in DD's hair?

[CalonHapus]

When DW picked up DD from nursery yesterday, they had put DD's hair into bunches with pink bows. They were apparently pretty pleased with themselves and were commenting on how 'cute and girly' DD looked.

We mostly dress DD in unisex clothes (which - as she's 14 months old - lots of people seem to read as 'boys clothes'). She has long hair which we mostly tie up into a 'pineapple' on the top of her head. We're not trying to 'make her look like a boy', we just like to put her in comfy, practical clothes that she can be active in. We don't put her in dresses very often because she tends to get tangled up in them or trip over the hem.

AIBU to feel like the nursery staff were trying to make a point by doing this? i.e. "you're not presenting her like a 'proper girl' so we will"?

Trying desperately to avoid any overtly feminine clothes or styles just looks like you’re trying to force your daughter into being a tomboy which is just as bad as someone putting bows in her hair.

Not so relevant with children but unisex clothes are male clothes. When did you ever see a unisex t shirt that was cut for a woman’s figure? They aren’t. Unisex clothing means ‘we only cater for men and can’t be arsed making this to fit women properly’.

I'd assume her hair became loose and it needed tying up again.

You seem nice.

It’s not an opinion I have to feel better about myself. It’s a documented fact!

https://www.daynurseries.co.uk/news/article.cfm/id/1604669/low-paid-poorly-skilled-nursery-staff-limit-childrens-education

Would you have been as annoyed if the bows had been blue?

Not a problem in itself, but saying it made her look "cute and girly" is reinforcing stereotypes and I would not have been happy about that.

Sure you did !

Have you got anything that isn't almost 7 years old?

Fucking hell you are making yourself look even worse? On what basis are you assuming they are “uneducated”?

Or maybe they are too busy looking after your children to obsess with whether the toys they are playing with are gender appropriate. You never hear of people encouraging boys to play with dolls, or to play pretend house. It’s all about making sure the girls don’t play those things.

Because the nursery lists them. It has to by law. So many people outraged here - but it’s a known and reported issue in the industry that many (of course not all) staff are low educated. That impacts things like opinions on modern feminism/ gender roles, which is what the op is about. It’s not an insult.

Yeah I did, in the past tense. I got fed up of having to spend So much time explaining why the “students” couldn’t be racially discriminatory against the young children coming to the nurseries from foreign lands.

A few things:

The nursery staff are lovely. DD adores them. We love the nursery and have no intention of complaining. I just found this a bit weird and wanted to see if other people would feel the same. I can see that many of you wouldn't, and that's absolutely fine 😊.

DW and I are both feminists so that is a factor in how we parent DD. We are not raising her 'gender neutral' but we're very aware of the ways society tries to put little girls (and little boys) in boxes from a young age and, as much as we can, we're trying to counter that.

If DD wants to wear stereotypically 'girly' things when she's older, she absolutely can.

Ok fair enough.

I didn't know that.

Nursery constantly do my DD's hair (32 months) as it's often falling out of a pony tail/getting in her eyes/ they have tue magic touch that she allows them to do so 🤣
It irks me they put it in a top pony tail like a baby a lot of the time but I recognise it's practical for play.

Incidentally we chose quite neutral clothing etc for our DD but in the last three months she has developed - gasp - opinions! She insists on picking her clothes and it's usually pink or yellow or purple and almost always dresses. There comes a point where we've had to let her express herself!

Exactly this. I was shocked when I read that post by @Thisbreamisonwire How DARE they suggest that nursery staff are all not very bright?!

And @Noelshighflyingturds calling them thick as mince is just nasty.

Speaks volumes about those posters, generalising like this. Ludicrous, laughable, farcical, rude, offensive posts! Best ignored.

@CalonHapus YABU. It's a bow in your daughter's hair. Get a grip!

I wish they’d also list the classification of the degrees obtained because there were a lot of thirds handed out. If my children had got third class degrees I would’ve told them to put that they’ve been in prison for three years rather than admit to that. It would be less embarrassing

You're not going to counter it by moaning about a couple of bows and buying completely unsuitable dresses that your child gets 'tangled' in and 'trips over the hem' of.

Still, it makes for a busy MN thread I suppose.

Sure, this coverage of the OFSTED report from April 2025. it is a well known issue the government are trying to deal with - not conjecture or an opinion.

www.cypnow.co.uk/content/news/ofsted-reports-child-development-impact-of-declining-nursery-workforce-quality/

Christ, that's a massive shark you've jumped there!

🤣🤣🤣

At least you've lightened the tone of the thread with a bit of humour!

I can understand feeling iffy about it. 14 months is very small it seems less likely that she asked for her hair to be done in a certain way, I would have expected her hair to be put back in a similar style if it had fallen loose. I wouldn't like nursery staff to be playing with my daughter's hair for their own amusement or to prove some kind of point. But I would consider that the nursery workers' intentions were probably good and how much of my feelings were about my own sensitivities to an implied criticism rather than what actually happened.

For reference my daughter is a baby and I dress her in a variety of girly and more gender neutral clothes but I'm aware her outfits can be interpreted as too girly or not girly enough by others.

Thank you 👍

I expect she looked lovely. Hair pulled up to the top of the head can be uncomfortable so perhaps they put the hair in bunches to give her scalp some relief or perhaps they were just engaging with her and the bows and clips are part of a dress up game.

Whatever the reason it is good that they are downing individual time with her and giving her attention.

I'd expect the same style, I think. But I would be really, really offended by being told how 'girly and cute' it looked (though 'cute' actually means sharp, not pretty btw - as I was told by a fashion designer who once called my DD's dress 'cute'. Shakespeare uses it thus, too, 'a cute knave').

Completely right. Such a non-issue. Why do people look for things to be offended by? Is this seriously something you are wondering about?

The staff were probably doing it for other kids and probably asked if your daughter wanted them and she said yes. What monsters.

😆LMFAO! I'm embarrassed for you! 😂