To feel weird about nursery staff putting bows in DD's hair?

[CalonHapus]

When DW picked up DD from nursery yesterday, they had put DD's hair into bunches with pink bows. They were apparently pretty pleased with themselves and were commenting on how 'cute and girly' DD looked.

We mostly dress DD in unisex clothes (which - as she's 14 months old - lots of people seem to read as 'boys clothes'). She has long hair which we mostly tie up into a 'pineapple' on the top of her head. We're not trying to 'make her look like a boy', we just like to put her in comfy, practical clothes that she can be active in. We don't put her in dresses very often because she tends to get tangled up in them or trip over the hem.

AIBU to feel like the nursery staff were trying to make a point by doing this? i.e. "you're not presenting her like a 'proper girl' so we will"?

My daughter ends up doing all sorts of hair ‘do’s at nursery as she does all sorts with hers. I don’t think she’s ever had anything other than compliments and a comment of ‘I wish I could manage that’. I think you’re probably over thinking it.

I did the same with my girl for nursery, never in dresses and hair always just up out the way. I genuinely think this is very normal for a nursery setting, most of the other girls there same, so cant see how the staff would be trying to send you a message about being more girly.

You say you're not intentionally dressing her like a boy but then seem to be against her looking girly which is bizarre to me.
Have you thought deeply about why that actually bothers you?

What would bother me about this is : nurseries are always saying they are busy, stretched, well planned, need to adhere to ratios…
So if a nursery staff member can afford 20 mins styling a child’s hair (and I guess it’s only fair that ALL children get that attention otherwise is it favouritism??) - what is happening ratio-wise with the other children while this hairdressing is going on? Is it in the planning? Would they be doing this during an inspection? Probably not!

Oh don't be silly, it's a nice activity to do with the kids. That's their actual job. 🙄

And it's doesn't take 20 mins to put a few bows in a child's hair.

I don’t think it’s odd. They did her hair. It’s no worse than you doing her hair in a “pineapple”. Move on.

Completely agree with your feelings OP. My DD’s never had ribbons or bows or headbands as I didn’t like that look either.

YES, that’s precisely what OP must do with the nursery. She is paying for a service, she must stipulate what she feels is best for her child.

I put my DD in practical unisex clothes for nursery as she likes to play and it’s practical. A couple of times her hair has been redone by the staff for whatever reason, with hair clips or a ‘girly’ bobble. I just say ‘thank you’ and get on with life. These people are caring for your child and it sounds like they are doing so lovingly - they are not also required to conform to the ideology you espouse at home. Indeed, getting exposure to different ways and views on the world is one reason to have them in nursery in the first place.

Haha 20 mins to stick some ribbons in a baby’s hair! You are ridiculous.

I have to disagree with this. The values and beliefs you want to raise your child within are the values and beliefs of your home. Presuming those in professional childcare settings act within the law and general social norms, they are not also obliged to conform to and teach your child the ‘values and beliefs of the home’. It’s healthy for a child to realise there are other ways of thinking, doing and seeing things. You can obviously discuss with your child in an age appropriate way why you have the values you do, but mostly we should be giving our children the freedom to thrive on their own terms and not just blindly adhere (and make the external world adhere) to the values of our household?

Watch out. I did this with mine- was very gender neutral (mainly as she had a lot of boy hand me downs rather than my personal ideology) and the second she could express choice she became the girliest and pinkest kid.

@Soontobesingles

True, more like a good 30mins of time faffing over a few ‘special’ children’s pretty hair while some other mug is trying to single-handedly manage the rest of the nursery and implement activities that are actually in the planning…

Honestly, its a thing in daycares, because one kids sees a child getting their hair done, then THEY ALL want it done. Boys and girls. It's 100% a regular thing. Usually started because one kid's hair tie is falling out, or got pulled out.

They really are, it takes like 2min per kid. And often do multiple little gathers, because they think it looks funny.

Oh, they can absolutely express themselves, just not in sentences. You need to spend more time around your kid if you can't tell when they don't like something. Even a hair styling can make them upset, if they don't like the look in a mirror. Yes, your 14mn old could absolutely dislike the pineapple look, if one of her friends has cute hair style she wants too.

S dog and a kid are very different

Dog

Dog

I would be uncomfortable with this too.

Get a grip...plzzz

Girl or boy hair things to me look like a choking hazard

I used to find that it was often a way out of other duties for some of the staff like changing a child mopping the floor from water play clearing up a mess etc etc.