To feel weird about nursery staff putting bows in DD's hair?

[CalonHapus]

When DW picked up DD from nursery yesterday, they had put DD's hair into bunches with pink bows. They were apparently pretty pleased with themselves and were commenting on how 'cute and girly' DD looked.

We mostly dress DD in unisex clothes (which - as she's 14 months old - lots of people seem to read as 'boys clothes'). She has long hair which we mostly tie up into a 'pineapple' on the top of her head. We're not trying to 'make her look like a boy', we just like to put her in comfy, practical clothes that she can be active in. We don't put her in dresses very often because she tends to get tangled up in them or trip over the hem.

AIBU to feel like the nursery staff were trying to make a point by doing this? i.e. "you're not presenting her like a 'proper girl' so we will"?

YABU.

What an inane thing to be annoyed by.

‘My child is playing with the nursery workers, and coming back happy at the end of the day. Who should I complain to?’

What about it is weird exactly though?

You don't think a 14 month old is capable of picking up a couple of hair bows? Come on.

I think this is it - it feels like they did it (whether consciously or not) to impose gender stereotypes on her - because we haven't.

Whether or not it's 'nice' is a matter of opinion.

In what way is it intended to be 'helpful'? What does it help?

To go against the grain, I wouldn’t like this either. I don’t like the weird adultifying/OTT gendering of boys either “little man”, “what a gentleman!” “Chasing the ladies”.
It did play into where I chose to send my child to nursery but I think it’s pointless to complain because these young women (nursery staff) will have no clue what you’re on about. It’s probably very normal for them.

My DD has always had alot of hair which is a nightmare to control. Nursery do this alot and have from when she was really little. They have managed to get her to sit still to have her hair brushed and whatever done it it - that's all I care about to be honest. Most I get is a half brushed ponytail at home before all hell breaks loose.

I think it's important to have your principles but also recognise the autonomy of your child and how they may just want to fit into the group occasionally.

She’s 14 months old! She definitely won’t be bothered about ‘fitting in’!
Sounds to me like one or several of the nursery workers decided to show Mum and Dad how cutesy their dd can look if only they put in a bit of effort!

It wasn't a dressing up activity; they just did this to DD.

I have absolutely no problem with them doing her hair - quite the opposite, I massively appreciate it as her hair gets in her eyes if it isn't pulled back in some way. If they'd stuck with just bunches with regular hair ties, I wouldn't have batted an eye. It's the whole adding pink bows thing (and then making a big deal of it) that has left me feeling a bit weird.

YABU- both of my girls when at nursery would occasionally come out of nursery with a different hairstyle, they used to love playing hairdressers. Maybe slightly older girls in the nursery were playing hairdressers or getting theirs done and they didn’t want her left out, or maybe her hair bobble was falling out so they redid it. Don’t read into it so much.

You are making assumptions that are probably not true. I have two daughters and often they have come home from nursery with their hair in different styles or cute clips etc. I assumed they were playing with the nursery workers and sometimes it was just to get the hair out of their eyes when playing - not some kind of judgement about my parenting choices.

Why are you imposing gender stereotypes on her by having long hair that needs tying up?

You should cut her hair short, and then she won’t have this problem - and nice and gender neutral.

You are massively projecting - and I say this as someone who is a bit of a ‘tomboy’ and broadly avoids anything very gendered for my children.

If she turns out to like pink and having ‘girly’ hairstyles, will you stop her, to fight the system? As she gets older, she’s going to be making a lot of choices which will upset you - if this is already a problem for you.

I think you’re overthinking it tbh.

Especially as you mention that she doesn’t wear dresses. That’s very common not to wear dresses, especially in a nursery setting. The staff won’t be sitting there thinking ‘she is not girly enough because she doesn’t wear dresses’.

Where did I say that I was planning to complain?

I think it’s sweet, a loving and maternal gesture. Your DD is obviously very looked after and for all we know she may have seen a friend with bows and asked for the same.

My youngest is a boy with long hair. He’s returned from daycare with his hair tied up because it was getting in the way or he was getting hot etc. they even put two bunches in with purple ties once. I can honestly say it didn’t even cross my mind to see an issue in this…

You are complaining about it here.

Children at nursery are not going to avoid gender indoctrination. They're going to pick it up from their peers (many of whom will come from families obsessed with this sort of thing), and I don't think nursery staff are generally clued-in feminists either. This is a serious downside, from a feminist perspective, of state-provided childcare.

Picking up isn't choosing. You think a 14 month old knows what a hair bow is for? A 2 year old maybe (but only just). Lots of typical 14 month olds can't walk and are only just eating solid foods properly!

God 🙄 the things people complain about

I work in a nursery. Myself, I don't really care with how the children look, if they need their hair done, they'll just get a pony tail! One of my colleagues, loves to do their hair! She'll do pretty styles, everything! The children love it too.
I can see how the bows would upset you , especially if they made a point about it.
I would just say that you appreciate it, but please don't put bows in etc.
Myself, as a parent, I'd have no issues with it. As the children get older, if they enjoy the practitioner doing their hair, it is often a bonding moment.

Eh? Have you met a 14 month old? Both my mine were capable of choosing hair bows out of a box, the same way they chose toys out of a box, and they definitely weren't advanced for their age!

Yes, this is why I posted. The ‘cute and girly’ comment would have enraged me.

This, a bow isn't going to affect your daughters life in the slightest, however if you don't want them to touch her hair which is perfectly acceptable you will have to say to them.

Really "enraged"