Friends judging my side business because I’m a high earner

[Katee91]

I work a stressful but very (financially) rewarding job - comfortably 6 figures with generous bonuses. My DH out earns me and I know we are very fortunate in that respect.

I’m attempting to turn a hobby/passion into a small side business and have spoken to various friends about it.

More or less all of them have questioned why I need to do this as they don’t feel I need the money. That isn’t the motivating factor though, it’s for enjoyment and linked to my passion.

AIBU to feel a bit upset at their outlook with this? Even after I explain my reasons they still turn it back to money.

I don’t think it’s jealousy as my DH suggested, but I just feel a bit deflated and that my friends should be supporting me..

It’s fairly obvious when someone has buckets of money.

Where is the evidence the friends no ‘so much’?

If it’s actually your mates being pressured to ‘be supportive’ by buying things to give you that validation as it often is in these cases then that is where it gets annoying. If unconnected members of the public of their own free will value the good or service enough to buy it then that is no concern of anyone else’s. I am a bit sick of notifications about x or y random aquaintance’s Etsy craft shop and I suspect this is what happened here.

If you have time, energy and passion for something and you already have enough money then I just think there would be more sympathy if the profits went to charity.

You can earn multiples of that with a property portfolio essentially sitting on the sofa. Very little 'intellect' needed. I'm sure there are lots of other ways to earn 100k that are the same.

I disagree. It’s an anonymous internet forum. Bragging anonymous is very unlikely to achieve anything for her.

The subject of OP’s post is that her friends are using her financial position against her in discussion. Invariably, what financial position she is actually in would be asked and come up. OP does not give a figure. ‘Six-figures’ is an incredibly broad range.

The other thing is if it’s a hobby or passion, you might not be producing decent content or items but as a hobby they haven’t said anything but if you are turning it into a business they are worried you’ll lose time and money in effect throwing money after bad. It’s impossible to say without knowing what it is.
There was a shop turned into a sort of gallery with a few stupidly expensive landscape prints, nothing special at all, taken better on my phone. We used to look as we walked past, wondered if some money laundering type thing but suspect it was a hobby business. Went out of business really quickly.

I promise you, nothing is ever as "outing" as the OP thinks it is... I promise you, unless you're offering tandem skydiving lessons with Prince William, it's not that serious.

I would absolutely say your friends are jealous of your combined large household income. Unless of course, their incomes are broadly similar?

Honestly as somebody who has ran their own business for years, your biggest supporters will always be strangers.

Just ignore them and do what you want to do.

Good luck x

I don’t think there are perfect friends who understand every aspect of us. Or if there are, they’re very rare! It sounds like your friends aren’t as driven as you and don’t really get why you are taking on an extra project when you’re clearly financially secure. Maybe a bit of jealousy but maybe just not interested?

Perhaps you could network with some other local businesswomen? Broaden and find some other friends/acquaintances who would be enthusiastic and supportive of this side of your personality? That needn’t involve dropping your current friends.

I disagree. It’s an anonymous internet forum. Bragging anonymous is very unlikely to achieve anything for her.

I always think that when I see people accused of ‘bragging’ on here. I could say I’m a millionaire or a movie star, or my kids got into Oxford: what does it matter?

It's a thread about why her friends are "judging", so the OP does want to understand their thoughts. That's why people are sharing, including me.

Well that doesn’t fit with your thread title.

Eternally poor person mentality. You're just as bad as OP's 'friends'.

Do you have kids?

I admit that I would judge you if you’re choosing to work FT and then having a second job when you don’t need to.

If you don’t have kids then I wouldn’t judge but I would just assume you’re a bit bored with life and want something to fill your time.
Those of us with kids don’t have much free time and so it’s quite foreign to us and so if your friends have kids and you don’t, they won’t understand that you’re bored and want to fill your free time.

I don't see how you can know they're sneering at the idea because you are a high earner? You say you don't discuss money with them so maybe they don't care about that side of things.

I don't consider what wages all my friends take home. What difference would it make to me or my value of the friendship?

It would more likely be that they don't find it interesting, they don't want to have to buy stuff off you, or they don't think you'll make a lot of money or have success with it.

If only you'd tell us what it is. You needn't be shy, if you're trying to launch a business you should be confident to share it. There's no way on earth that any hobby/business idea could be outing.

Having a side hustle is sensible, you never know what can happen with your primary job and you could be very glad of your passion project to fall back on or bridge a gap at some point.

Yes ... I guess that explains me sharing my thoughts also? You said you couldn't understand something, so I am providing examples of why.

one friend made a slightly judgy comment about the amount of holidays we’ve been on this summer

So you're both on 6 figure salaries, but you can get multiple annual leave holidays over the summer? Nah.

I don't understand why you need their 'support'?

It's YOUR passion, interest and hobby, so you enjoy it. You will not be depending on this venture for the roof over your head, and can presumably absorb any small losses you make, so there is no risk.

Do you often talk to them (aka ask for 'support') about the stress involved in your day job? They may be concerned that you are adding to your stress and will be expecting further support for it.

You want to do it because it is your passion - that's great! Do it and enjoy it. You don't need validation or support from your friends.

Nah. If you can create money doing something you enjoy and build a following network and earn money why not. As an example People on YouTube enjoy doing make up etc but earn money. Build an empire make your mark. Be authentically yourself.

@BananaPeanutToast painting dog portraits is really popular isnt it?

Do you keep moaning about lack of time / lack of time spent with the children, being incredibly stressted and busy etc?
If you are doing that and then suddenly announcing that you are adding something else to the plate, then I would also question why you were doing it, if I was your friend. Based on the assumption that you can't do any less of the financially necessary job and the parenting, so if you are stretched for time already, then why would you do that to yourself. That is what I would be thinking if I was your friend. But if you clearly have time to do it all, then no issue, but I wouldn't be very sympathetic to your complaining about stress/business/lack of time.

Well it felt patronising: "you don't have to understand." Good to know you didn't mean it that way.

OP all I can say is that you have weird friends. Why is it their business why you choose to do what you do?

Well said. Imagine being on that shite a wage someone’s success upsets you

My brother is a partner in his firm and on high six-figures. He takes whatever annual leave he likes. My DH is also on six-figs and gets 35 days leave – plus bank holidays.