Friends judging my side business because I’m a high earner

[Katee91]

I work a stressful but very (financially) rewarding job - comfortably 6 figures with generous bonuses. My DH out earns me and I know we are very fortunate in that respect.

I’m attempting to turn a hobby/passion into a small side business and have spoken to various friends about it.

More or less all of them have questioned why I need to do this as they don’t feel I need the money. That isn’t the motivating factor though, it’s for enjoyment and linked to my passion.

AIBU to feel a bit upset at their outlook with this? Even after I explain my reasons they still turn it back to money.

I don’t think it’s jealousy as my DH suggested, but I just feel a bit deflated and that my friends should be supporting me..

Totally reasonable not to reveal if you don’t want to but honestly very hard to imagine that you have a hobby that is so unique people could recognise you from describing the broad category.

I am once again applying my universal rule that when an OP is cagey about an 'outing' hobby it is definitely taxidermy.

I thought probably Only Fans.

Agreed!
A simple "DH are lucky in that we're comfortable financially, but I want to turn my hobby into a side business as well" would do just fine..., but nah, let's start off with a separate paragraph with details that OP earns a 6 figure sum AND DH earns more than this as well.

Also, what kind of hobby is so 'outing' that it would identify her on MN?

the OP out earns all in her ‘friends’ so is obviously an intelligent business woman.

I see. So when the OP tells you

"I don’t think it’s jealousy as my DH suggested"

You say* *

"Hun, neither you nor I know that not to be fact."

Despite the fact these are the OP's actual friends and she knows them, whereas you obviously don't.

But when the OP says she "out earns all in her ‘friends’"

You automatically believe her?

Interesting how you're picking and choosing what to believe.

Give the extra money you make to charity.

How on earth can it be outing? You won't be the only person in the world that does it!

I agree with this.

DH and I are comfortable (no 6 figure earnings here), but we have no money worries, several investments and own our house and car outright (our biggest outgoing is council tax).

I just find talking about money when you earn a lot rather crass and tone deaf unless you are with people who feel comfortable about it or are on a similar level.

One of my friends has just retired from a (very stressful) six figure salary job, and she has never talked about her salary. I knew she was comfortable, but that was all.

IMO, telling everyone you are on a six figure salary is bragging (especially to anyone who doesn't live in or near London).

Why would you need to speak to all your friends about it? I started an online business years ago, I didn’t tell anyone my plans I just went ahead and did it I knew what I wanted to do I didn’t need input from people who have no knowledge of what I do or what’s involved.

I had the same experience when I started my business, my friends and my then husband did not support me. The difference was that I wasn’t earning nearly as much then, but I still chose to pursue my business. I soon realised that my friends would never be my ideal clients, and that’s fine. Ten years on, I have built a career out of my business, and I’m really glad I stuck with it.

I absolutely do NOT think the friends are worried about the OP.

More likely, they see work as a nuisance and cannot fantom that it can be a source of pleasure.
And they see side hustle = money so the OP and her dh having even more money than they do now. Which they might well be jealous about.
I mean let’s imagine the OP loves theater.
She starts to do some stand up comedy show in pub/small events, realy enjoys herself.
She is doing that wo being paid = great. That’s her passion etc…
She is saying she is being paid for it = more money. Why do you need to do that when you already ‘have plenty’?

I think many people think like this tbh

Why is the default position always jealousy?
I agree that in many cases it is, but not always.

I think that telling everyone you earn a lot of money is crass.

I’m pretty sure a significant number of them are fantasists.

OF?

Tell them you're going to retire early and make a fortune from it!

This. The fact that the OP’s friends know so much about her finances suggests she’s been over-sharing. Possibly they find her money chat irritating and just want to shut it down.

People always say six figure salary like it’s amazing, but after tax 100,00 is not that great, and you lose child benefit, tax benefits etc.
Basically, there’s a vast lifestyle difference between 110,000 and 950,000. More than between 40k and 100k.

I don't think I can think of one person I know who has a hobby that would be remotely 'outing' 😂

My friends and I must have boringly mainstream hobbies.

Quite.

All this, ‘It’s outing’ crap. I very much doubt you’re the only person in the land doing it 🙄

Without knowing the facts it’s difficult to say.
If you are regularly stressed and flaky due to busy job they could think you are mad adding more to plate.
Do you have kids and ask for favours or not pull weight eg oh I can’t go on lifts rota to cubs I’m doing my side hustle.
Something they disapprove of eg selling used knickers or only fans or something ten a penny and worried they are going to be inundated with #girl boss social media and pressure to host parties/buy tat/join dodgy schemes.
Your post does come across as Romy & Michelle ‘business women’ and maybe friends just enjoy time just catching up not discussing business and finances.

If it’s jewellery making or cake baking and you will be expecting your mates to ‘support’ you by buying the said items then that is probably a decent reason to be pissed off. They don’t see why they should give you their hard earned cash for things they likely don’t want when you already have so much. If it’s just for fun and you don’t need the money why can’t you do whatever it is for free?

If they just think you’re making work for yourself when you don’t need the money then why does it matter? Up to you if you want to make a business out of it. Are you sure you’re good enough at said hobby to try to monetize it? Maybe they think you need to get better at it and that’s why they aren’t being encouraging?

With respect – because I don’t mean this argumentatively, just by way of explanation – no one has to understand it (and neither do her friends).

Making from money from something is a stamp of validity that you do it well. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying that validation that you do it well enough.

Depending on the hobby, doing it commercially for money may be the only way to achieve a particular aspect of it.

In addition, some people just like making money. What’s wrong with that?