To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

[Justinegh]

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

I agree. I'm amazed that these individuals even want to exchange bodily fluids TBH.

They are very handy but I’ve never been able to get the hang of these types of washes. I always make such a mess.

Do you put a towel down to stand on and then just go for it?

What was she expecting, remnants of his Dettol enema?

Me! I couldn't stand living such a regimented life.

Do I REALLY have to type out instructions for washing your bum WITHOUT getting the floor wet?

This has to be a wind up.

You soap your hands. Soap your body with the soapy hands. Wipe off the soap with a flannel.

HOW are you making a mess? My 6 year old can do it without making a mess. She does leave soap up her bum crack, but I help her if she's missed a bit.

I'm very glad that both of our showers have shower heads that you can remove from the holder and can direct them to any part of the body you want.

I really dislike rainfall showers for this reason. Saves on washing flannels.

A 6 year old washing her genitalia and anus with a flannel! Bung her in the bath!

There is more chance of her getting faecal contamination from the flannel than there was if she had just not bothered! And with a little girl she might contaminate her urinary tract with the anus flannel!

I am the least fussy of people but the idea of cleaning your anus with a flannel seems pretty darned gross to me! - especially a child. Imagine a laundry basket full of faecal flannels!

Just chill - have a shower, do a wet wipe job after a jobby if you must, but let's get this in proportion. The human body thrives on germs - it is intended to function with a bit of flora around. I am amazed at all this obsessive washing and bum fear!

That’s actually very helpful, thank you.

I guess I am quite a messy person naturally.

I didn’t really think of “soaping my hands” and using just mostly soap. I was using a wet, soapy flannel, hence water was flying everywhere and the floor was getting soaked.

Your way seems obvious now but I guess if you don’t know you don’t know!

No time for a bath in the morning. Plus she'd wallow, get her hair soaked, which will require drying or it'll drip all down her back due to the thickness.

A quick wash is all it takes.

But I don't think a flannel wipe feels enough to wash soap off properly.

I love a decent shower. It doesn't need to take long; I got good at short ones when my dc were babies. But you get a proper deluge of water, everything sluiced away down the plughole. It's efficient, hygienic and to me the most straightforward option.

I have to agree that the thought of using a flannel on my face that had been used to scrape fecal matter from a bottom crack (notwithstanding a laundering in between) triggers something in me. I'd have to up my laundry cycle to 90 degrees!

Honestly, judicious use of toilet tissue - maybe a baby wipe or two if or when there is any upset tummy issue, which for most people is not that frequently - and a decent shower does the trick. And why not a shower before bed instead of all this "excuse me Darling, if you're in the mood I'll just nip to the bathroom to power-wash/flannel my nethers,"

I mean if you really can't do a one minute shower, hop in together? That won't kill the mood like the gurgling of plumbing and splashing about of genital-specific ablutions.

I'm also never going to use a flannel in a hotel now I know some people employ them as reusable toilet tissue.

Bum flannels are definitely a thing 🤣

You do know that medical advice is not to use soap on your vijayjay?

I think its ok externally. But it needs a proper rinsing off.

Yes, if I'm going to bed and thinking I might get lucky 😂. I don't want to be wondering if I'm clean, or smell, when DH is going down on me - but I'm an over thinker and everyone is different. He feels the same. I just look on it as a courtesy.

I just think a shower before bed is nice anyway. Clean sheets, clean me, relaxed muscles😊

This thread is just utterly batshit.
I've never felt the need to have a shower after a poo.
I can't say I've ever had a shower specifically to have sex.
If I need to shit, I'm going to shit. I generally use the loo beforehand if I think sex is on the cards, if i need to shit while I'm there, guess what? I shit.
Much better than feeling like you might need to while shagging.
And if foreplay starts the last thing on my mind would be getting up to go wash or shower first. That's a proper mood killer.
Guess I'm also a grubby maggot 🤷‍♀️

Doesn't getting up for a wash halfway through foreplay somewhat kill the mood?
Why would anyone be surprised that sticking a finger up someone's arse would result in a shit covered finger?
Are the words baby gravy possibly the worst two words I've ever read?
Could falling birth rates be due to people spending far too much time in the shower and worrying about 'bum' germs when they could be shagging?
So, so many questions.

I do have a wash with flannel / soap / water all over when coming home from work just incase 🍆🙏🤸
I also shower every morning and wash my hair.
I expect my husband to do the same as he does alot of sport in the evenings.
Can I ask how you wash your bum in the sink everyone ?
Would you give partner a BJ if he hadn't washed / showered ? I couldn't.

I must admit I’m feeling my personal hygiene might be called into question. Other than if we are going for a date night I’d never shower before sex and don’t jump in the shower after a poo either. Quite often will have a tinkers wash at the sink too though do shower every morning. Never had any man turn down sex on the account that I stink 😂😂

Except ONE sink is in the room with the toilet and the other is in the kitchen where you prepare food. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Okaaaaaaayyy…..

According to the internet most men don't wash their arses properly anyway and think a bit of running water is enough, so I don't see what difference a shower makes.