To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

[Justinegh]

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

I would hate that , he shouldn't announce it , not romantic , very off putting .
He should definitely be having a shower.
I would not want to do it either.

Exactly bum germs on the sheets

Thank you all for a very much needed laugh! Think I'm leaving with more questions than answers though if I'm honest 😂 Can't figure out how a bowel movement can make quite so much mess. Are most people's not clean cut?! Like definitely not a smear on toilet paper never mind requiring a hose down! Can't figure out how you can clean your bum hole with a hose facing backwards and downwards whilst seated. If from the front my bum hole is backwards and upwards and if from the back, it's the equivalent of wiping back to front surely? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Can't figure out how showers can take a max of 2 mins. Takes me longer to wait for the hot water to come through 😂 More importantly, I can't figure out how some posters could be so repulsed by normal bodily functions, yet potentially have children. But all in all a great laugh. Now must get off the internet as I haven't showered since morning, couldn't possibly share a bed with my husband 😂😂😂

of course, but excrement isn’t the same as baby gravy. Theres only one place for it and that’s fine the toilet.. 🚽

*down, not fine

But what happens if you touch his bum cheek and it's not clean?
I wouldn't touch my fella if he had just done a poo.

You can't, unless he has diarrhoea and has managed to get poo on his penis.

To say - I just need to pop to the loo is fine. To conjure up the image of him doing a giant shit right before he wants you to feel like sex is, of course, not.

And of course he should at least wash, the reality is that shit can be left around the arse area no matter how much we wipe, so he needs to wash properly, balls, penis and arse before he gets naked with you. It's basic respect to want to smell clean, be clean and not have the idea of doing giant shit in your partner's head before sex.

But there are some incredibly low standards on mumsnet and they will make any excuse for men to be (and have, it seems) grubby arseholes.

Can you change the time of day? If he regularly has a crap every night- and that’s not something you can ‘force’ to happen, maybe change the sex time?

Exactly balls and all . A big fart whilst on the toilet could spray faeces on his penis , balls and thighs .Without washing you could get his faeces in your VJ.

I actually hadn't thought of that, grim but probably true. For me it's really a respect thing. Other people shitting is disgusting and there is certainly nothing sexy about telling your partner you are going to empty your bowels right before sex. You might have to do it, but just say I'm popping to the loo love. And wash afterwards, ffs, it's not difficult.

Yes, we all shit - and there's a really really good reason for the standard disgust reflex normal people automatically feel about being around shit. Faeces can carry pathogens, parasites, bacteria. Disgust prompts avoidance and reduces the chances of disease transmission. Basic hygiene around shitting lowers the risk of disease. It's just that simple.

The OPs response is normal and reflexive, no matter how many women want to have their face printed on a doormat for a grubby man to wipe his feet on.

And before any clown jumps in to scream "BUT NAPPIES!!!!" - just because we have to change nappies does not make it pleasant. We are ok with it because we have to be, not through enjoyment of being around shit and piss.

Some women apparently are happy to let their husbands defecate while they are in the same room and showering - I've read that here before. There are some grotty people with low standards on this site for sure.

Does he get cleaner the longer he waits after doing one??

How does going to the loo give you bad breath?

And how exactly, do you propose he does this?

You can say shit but you can't say cum?

🤣🤣🤣

Genuinely worried about how some people on here shit if they are making such a big splash

Also you couldn't give them a BJ without a shower as he might have faeces on his penis and testicles , what man would expect that ?

I would love to know how to schedule a shit for a more convenient time. Seriously I would.

If he's expecting OP to go down there unwashed, then it's very much her business...

In all my decades, I’ve never showered after a poo, unless I do a poo immediately before when my planned shower would be. I’ve never specifically showered before sex either. I would shower if I was doing a good stretch of hard yakka heavy gardening or something where I get dirty/sweaty (and then I don’t shower that morning knowing I’m going to get sweaty/dirty and would just be showering again after), but then it’s after I wrap up the dirty activity, not because I’m having sex. No guy has ever complained😀.

It's definitely a thing between toilet and sex, yes. Anything else is 🤢

Is it that he doesn't (or you don't trust him to) wash properly, or you would still be put off by the timing even if he were showering or properly using a bidet afterwards? If it's the former, then he doesn't need to understand why you're bothered, or feel that he himself would be bothered in a similar situation, in order to start washing thoroughly in between. In addition to wanting his partner to be well, comfortable, and attracted, it'd also be in his best interests to wash thoroughly in between shitting and sex if that's key to, erm, actually having sex at all.

Like literally....but she's "minding" his there...see what I did there? No?, I will see myself out...

And yep, I always - without exception - wash my privates and all around there before sex. Always. If we're planning sex that is part of the plan, if it is unplanned I will just get up when foreplay starts and say just going to have a wash, and he does the same. You don't have to shower but you DO have to wash with soap and water - unless you're a grubby maggot of course.

If we're having sex outside and there's nowhere to wash and nobody is putting their mouth down there, fair enough. It's been a few years since that's happened, but yeah that is the only instance I would just go for it without washing first.

Same here!