How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

That's insane, you must have an eye watering mortgage!

Hi OP,

I’m a SAHM and get £1000 a month to cover me and the kids (3).

Last tax year I had £1.5k pm, but I chose to reduce it after reviewing our finances; if things pick up then I would increase my allowance again.

I think it depends on your other outgoings, how much of the £170K he actually takes home (tax, pension, student loan etc) and also what the £250 is going on. £250 a week sounds high but you've bundled lots of spending in together. If you broke it down into a budget for your clothes/hair/nails, a budget for gifts, a budget for DC activities, DC's clothes etc it probably won't seem so much. How much money does DH spend on himself per month? What are his priorities for spending/saving?

I think with a toddler especially if you are a SAHM, annual tickets for zoos etc work out pretty good value as days out can be so expensive. I loved just being able to have a "free" day out and popping in to a wildlife park type place for a couple of hours rather than making a whole day of outings to justify the cost.

I voted Yabu because your dh is asking you to reign in how much you are spending and you basically think he should have no say.
Surely you should be agreeing together what the budget will be for personal spends, days out with dc, savings etc. It's joint money.

If you are comfortable money wise maybe his problem is deeper than that and he is not expressing himself.

Does he enjoys his job? Does he feels pressure to be the solo provider? Does he wishes to have more free time? (I personally find it a bit sad you only see each other on the weekends)

Or two kids in FT nursery. It’s about £2.5k per month per child now

My husband is on 6 figures too and I do my own nails and hair. I need to start spending more money!

Bloody hell hadn't realised that. That's not much more than our combined household income, and we budget £150 a month for me and DH each to spend on fun/hobbies/nails etc if I wanted them and then a further £150 for family spends on days or meals out (we have 3 DC, I work 4 days/week) so £450 total. I budget another £50 a month for haircuts (£30 for me which allows me to spend £60 every 2 months and £20 a month for DH). Granted I don't have the same amount of time to fill but I have 3 x as many kids as you, and your £1k doesn't even include your husband's discretionary spends, only yours. I think you should cut your spends in half.

He's probably thinking about building up savings so he doesn't have to stay in that job forever. You're acting like there is no future to think about.

£2000 a month! (£250 per week)

I agree with husband that amount is crazy. I spend maybe 30 to 40 maximum a week or less

Does the £250 include the food shop for the week? If so no I don’t think you’re spending too much.

She says that it doesn't include the food shop or the petrol.

It's not unreasonable given your circumstances.

But this is why nothing on earth would ever persuade me to give up work and have to depend on a man's income..The thought of having to defend my spending to a man is anathema to me..

Oh that is a lot then

Kindle book habit £50 a week?! Just get kindle unlimited!

This is great advice!

Its a good idea for you personally to work out what its spent on and see if its all necessary.. I'd separate the hair and nails stuff - that's personal spending for you although if you have given up your job to look after DC, you should still have some spending money.

Its also a great idea for him to also tot up what he spends on things.

I agree its less than you'd spend on nursery or a nanny, particularly if he's not at home at all during the week, and only on weekends.

Presumably you gave up an £80k career and benefits because you both wanted to have you looking after your dc for the time being and are the available parent if DC needs to see GP or is sick (and therefore couldn't be at nursery)
At the same time, its quite a big change and can be really lonely giving up work, especially since he's not around.

Were you both in agreement about you giving up work or did you have to persuade him? Did he say why he was annoyed by the spending? Maybe its a chance to find out if there's any other reasons why he wants you to cut back?

I also think you are missing out on NI contributions.. and should maybe consider saving some of that weekly spend in a tax free ISA and in case you want to do some short courses to retrain.

It isn't even as much as that. Assuming he is putting the full tax free £60k in per year, leaving gross of £110k, then the net is about £72k/year or £6k a month. If he is paying even more into pension to avoid the over £100k tax trap and tapering the tax on pension contributions over £60k, the net monthly income can drop further. The maximum monthly net income while keeping below £100k threshold is actually only around £5650 a month.

It is still a great salary, but if this is what he is doing and OP is spaffing £1k on hair and nails, you can begin to see they haven't aligned on common financial goals.

There are only 4 weeks per month. How are you making it £2k?

I don't see the issue if you can afford it and both agreed you give up work while dc is young. I imagine you have savings and decent pensions from those salaries pre dc.
Presumably you'll be going back to work when dc is in school so it's only for a few years? If you're in the fortunate position of being able to take care of yourself and do nice things with your dc without worrying about budgeting I don't think it's unreasonable to take advantage of that!

You can get 30 free hours now

This is something you should have jointly discussed when you jointly decided on you giving up work to look after your joint child..
It's a huge amount

If your bills/mortgage are covered and you are saving exactly what you both want each month then £250 doesn’t seem an issue with his salary.
I very much believe that I work hard and my 2 children benefit from what I have after bills/savings. You literally have 1 life, enjoying it with your children in a comfortable position is an absolute blessing

Spending on your child is diff from
hair nails lunch for you

but a £1k a month seems a lot

Not if either of you earn over 100k