How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

You can't complain if you are getting free money. Maybe get a job

I don't think it's that bad tbh!

I think that’s a lot, especially as it is just for 5 days during the week, and then there are presumably more lunches, outings and activities en famille.

But people will tell you they earn 500k & spend £10 a week....

We've a very similar set up in terms of his salary and my previous salary. DH transfers me 1k a month to my personal account for incidentals and personal spending. It doesn't all go on days out etc, I'll sometimes pay for bits of shopping, clothes for the kids or whatever but it sounds like a reasonable amount to me. Tbh my question would be is it a similar amount that he has for discretionary spending. If he's being really restrained and you're spending loads then he's got a point, but if he's also got plenty to spare then it's only fair that you do too.

We each get £500 personal spends a month, and can dip into the joint account if they run out - but neither of us would ever be spending £1,000 month on month. And I get lunch and dinner out regularly, have my nails done every 3 weeks, hair cut and coloured every quarter and a skin care regime that costs about £50 a month, so we’re hardly scrimping

So £450 a month (minus skincare) for regular lunch & dinner out, nails, clothes, activities, dc's activities. How do you make the money go down far?

so far not down far!

Personally, I think it’s fine. Everything is relative to income and outgoings, but I wouldn’t consider £250/week excessive based on what you’ve said.

I don’t see how people are saying that’s too much. If you have it - why not, obviously if it’s causing a problem, it’s time to have a conversation about that, which I’m sure you will and come to an agreement.
But in the scheme of things I would say in comparison to the income, that is okay.
Things add up. I could easily spend that in a week and I’m nowhere near that income. Not even close.

It works out at just under £200 a month on grooming (that I put into a savings pot for when the time comes), leaving £300 for other fun spends. Gifts are budgeted out of joint income so not from the £500, and no glasses, very little spend on clothes etc. Some
months we spend less on “fun” if we have a big event for example.

It’s not unusual for one of us to run out and spend from the joint account instead, but the joint account can’t afford to sub us a further £500 every month, so there’s not as much spending as OP.

I can't stand this attitude towards SAHM. If they've agreed for her to stay home then all earned money is household money and she's just as much right to it as he has. It's not free money, her contribution will be essential to him earning what he does. My DH would be screwed if I went back to work, not a chance could he work how he does if he had to worry about picking ups and drop offs and after school club and ballet and swimming and cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping etc etc.

It seems a lot to me.

I think 150 would be plenty.

Can't you make a list of free activities:
Feed the ducks
Forest walks
Playgrounds
Library groups

Cheap activities:
Cinema mornings
Community centre clubs
Hotel petting farm, just buy coffee.

Do 3 free activities per week and 2 paid activities.

Arrange Deli picnic food or bring your own snacks?

Invest in a portable, thermal coffee flask. BYOC.

One dinner out is £50 ish, so maybe £100 max a month. Not a lot of clothes. No DC, but the dog has £100 of activity spend a month that we split between.

So down to £300. £30 for my nails, maybe £100 for coffees and lunches. And that leaves about £40 a week to buy things with. I don’t need many things…

And we have joint funds too - but not enough for me to double my fun spend every single month.

I’m just saying our income which is similar to the OPs wouldn’t fund her level of spending if we continue to pay into pensions and overpay mortgage at sensible rates.

£250s a lot if that doesn't include food, clothes, travel etc. 170k is a good income but after tax, NI, pension contributions he's probs left woth about 7k a month. What are your main bills such as mortgage etc? Holidays need saving for too

I think it's too much out of £170k for what you're spending it on, yes. We earn combined £180k combined, which will be much more take home per month as significantly less is taxed, and I still think that's way too much.

I wouldn't be so quick to label someone 'stingey'. A waste of money is a waste of money, so matter what your income.

No DC

right!

I’m just saying our income which is similar to the OPs wouldn’t fund her level of spending if we continue to pay into pensions and overpay mortgage at sensible rates.

It obviously depends how much you want to overpay the mortgage & save into pensions.

That’s an obscene amount of money to spend on hair/nails/lunch etc per week. I assume your husbands salary is before tax? To fund your £13k per annum spent on treats he needs to earn £26k to cover it. I agree with your husband. My husband is a very high earner, I am part time, my husband never questions my spending but that’s because I am sensible with it.

Is your DH working from home or in the office? If he's working from home and is needing quiet in the house then it's more than reasonable to be having lunches out all the time (unless he takes a long lunch himself and would be delighted to catch up with you both during that time).
Definitely have a chat with him and find the sweet spot for what's appropriate spending and all the things around that like time in the house, what your weekends look like etc.

Was going to say this.

Look at your spending for the last 3 months or so and break it down in to...

Maintaining YOU (hair, nails)
Trips out with baby (zoo, soft play etc)
Unessential things while (lunch, coffee, toys from gift shops)

Does DH have expectations about your appearance or do you feel the need to maintain your looks as you did on a higher income? If DH, then that's just a cost of maintaining you. I imagine this makes up quite a lot of your spending.

Trips out are a legitimate spend but I agree that you shouldn't doing this more then a couple of days a week. Let DC chill at home, feed the ducks at the local park, play in the garden, paint/draw etc etc.

The extra spends while out, well, they really add up and really aren't needed.

I do think that you seem to be just expecting to carry on as normal but perhaps DH is reacting to being on a considerably lower income but you aren't, while expecting him to pay for it all.

Surely it depends more on what your outgoings are? I mean if I was suddenly earning that with my outgoings it would be reasonable but I'd probably get a better house and car so wouldn't have £1k a month spare for fun and treats.

I've got to laugh at the posters who are tripping over themselves to let us all know that they earn considerably more!

It doesn't matter what it's out of. I think the question should be 'how much would you expect to spend on hair, nails, soft play, etc?' It may be affordable but that doesn't mean that it isn't too much.

My dh is on significantly more than this, I am also earning, and £250 a week is not doable for us in the slightest.
Between nursery, mortgage and outgoings we don’t even have 1k left, let alone putting money aside for savings or kids schooling

Seems excessive to me. That's £12k per annum. Me and DH go on long haul holidays twice a year for less.

The thing is, £170k gets hit with SO much tax. He takes home £8500 a month. Our household income is £100k, which sounds a lot less, but actually it's only £1700 less.

Just try to be a bit more sensible.

What are your outgoings? How much is the mortgage? I think my opinion would differ if you had no mortgage, or £2.5k mortgage, for example.

Assuming he is putting money into his pension, it’s more like £90k after tax, so £7700 per month. Wasting £1k of that on getting your nails done is appalling.