How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

£1000 per month is a lot to be spending on days out and other luxuries. Maybe your husband wants you to rein it in so he can save more in case of emergencies. Say if he were to go off sick or something or maybe if circumstances changed beyond control and you no longer have that £170k per year income.

How much does he spend a week on lunches, hobbies, socialising etc? Can you see this? To be honest with his salary I don’t think that’s too much at all. If he spends a lot less I expect if he was home with a young child it would go up. If you always spent this when you earned too then it’s hard to then cut back on everything unless money is tight and you have to I imagine?

What does he spend per week?

Is he aware that he would be spending more than that if he were paying nursery fees?

When my DC were younger and I worked very part time I got £500 per month in my sole account for my personal spending (hair, clothes, meals out with friends) and then any spending with the DC came out of the joint account.

I would suggest you get back to work ASAP. It doesn't matter how other families manage their finances he is showing you that he thinks all the money is his. It is a warning for the future.

A grand a month on what you describe sounds like a lot to me.

As for what I would expect to spend it would depend what we had to pay for essentials such as housing and bills, what our savings plans were, what he expected to spend on fun stuff, etc.

You need an agreed budget for the kids and and an agreed budget for personal spends. You and he should have the same amount for personal spends. Outs is generous as we earn over your amount between us, but the key thing is the fun money is the same for each person

PS - I do also have some sympathy with your DH. It is a huge pressure being the sole earner in a family. Even though my salary was low in the pre school years it was comforting for my DH to know that I kept my hand in and could up my pay relatively easily.

I now do school friendly hours and bring in enough to cover our basic monthly bills. It takes the pressure off.

£250 a week?

Fuck off hen!

It’s fine as long as you can afford it.

it might be helpful for you to know:

how much money is left over as family after bills are paid.

how much of the £250 is being spent in relation to “childcare” (classes, trips, associated lunches and coffees)

How much is really just your spends? And how does that equate to your DHs spends?

Having been in a similar situation to OP it is really lonely being alone all week with a small child and OP is probably spending more to get out of the house and have some company, I know I did. Even going to the local cafe for an hour felt better than sitting at home all day.

I also spent more on clothes as my lifestyle completely changed. It is a massive shift going from a full time, professional job to being at home with a child. It did settle down but I definitely spent more than I thought I would.

She might spend more than what others and her DH deem an acceptable amount but it's a piece of nonsense to suggest she is taking advantage as they are both working.

Make a packed lunch, put your coffee in a thermos and put that money in investments for your child’s future! Go to some church toddler groups, get an annual pass to the wildlife park and meet up with other mums in some parks.

£13k a year! If not a JISA for 18+ then at least an ISA to pay for their education.

Your husband is probably putting £60k in a pension for both of your futures (I hope!), then paying tax on £110k means take home of ~£70k after tax and any other deductions for benefits etc. so at most £6k a month and you are spending over 18% on frivolities! That’s fine when you’re both earning but you now have one income not just paying all the bills but saving for your futures. Yes he earns well and you are still doing better than most people on this forum but I expect your cost of living (mortgage, bills, etc) are higher too. You are eating into all the disposable income that is your “gap”.

Get a grip on reality! Or put your child in nursery 3 days a week and go back part time and fund your own nails.

It really depends on the deal the two of you have between you

Is this the coffees, lunches out & constant activities?

If not, very similar to a recent thread.

Just because you can afford something doesn’t mean he wants to spend it.

Depends what your financial goals are. Dh and I wanted to retire early so saved more to achieve that objective and retired at 53.

Unless you have a particular shared savings goal for something in your future together, yeah I think it's stingy.

It's a fair bit to spend but your looking after his child and seems stingy to me that he doesn't want to invite you into the lifestyle his income can afford (which your income could also afford before you stopped working to look after the child, 80k is above average!).

Does he just want to enjoy the luxuries or the financial freedoms but not you? That's what I find stingy, you are supposed to share a life together. Why doesn't he want for you what he expects for himself? Unless he's also stingy towards himself, and living on basics then I might be less annoyed by it.

We have a similar household income. I know that I wouldn’t be spending that much. Our mortgage is massive though.
i don’t believe in being tight necessarily but I do like to feel I’ve spent on purpose. Can you account for all the £££ and was it worth it?

My DH has been overseas nearly consistently for ten years. It is incredibly lonely with small children and your DH/DP working or being away. I manage(d) not to spend £250 a week though.

OP is spending frivolously and, honestly, her initial post came across as spiteful. 'He's not here, so he no say in how I spend his money to pass my time.' It's family money. Not hers to piss away - particularly if he's not happy with it.

As a sahm it sounds like loads to me. I reckon I spend about £50 pw on the things you mention. It's quite easy. I definitely think you could spend less with very little effort. Packed lunch picnics etc. Young kids don't need loads of expensive stuff to enjoy themselves.

What people are missing is that you yourself had a high paying job and you were used to spending what you wanted. Which is reasonable at that point.

Is you not working a long term thing or only while your child is not in school . I think that matters.

If it’s forever, then I recommend you rein it in. If you’re spending every penny, using credit etc - rein it in.

If it’s not, then you need to have a conversation about what would be reasonable so you aren’t causing issues in your marriage.

Does Dh have form for treating himself?

If I had it, I’d spend it. Don’t think you need to rein it in per se, but you are a couple and your finances are joint now so if you DH isn’t comfortable with you spending so much then I’d probably get a job so I have my own money and he doesn’t get a say. At the moment I’d say he has every right to want you to rein it in

Is his take home pay £170, if not, then it’s not a huge amount considering it’s the only household income

£15+ £20+£15+£5 = £55. So you'd have to be doing all those 4 times a week to be spending £220, which leaves £120 for a hair cut once a month.

That does sound pretty excessive to me.

DH earns similar and I work too but I’m on mat leave atm.

We budget £500 per week for anything that isn’t a bill/food shopping (things like eating out, entrance fees, clothes, hobbies, toys etc).

We never actually get through that. Each week we top that account back up to £500 - bills are paid, and everything else is saved.