How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

Against the grain here but I don't think that sounds too much at all! Not for everything you've listed. I have 2 days off a week with DC and spend about £100 by the time we've done various things. So I think £250 a week based on his salary is fine! Especially if that include hair & nails every month or so!

Our income is similar, our outgoings are probably similar or a bit less, don’t really keep an accurate running total.

But for example last week DD went to soft play twice, probably £25 total including snacks.
Nails for me £38 every few weeks.
I don’t get my hair done.
Spent £160 in Sainsbury’s on about 15 items - medicines, school trousers, a candle, a Lego set for DD (£14), couple of greetings cards
Spent £125 on school shoes (2 pairs) - not sure if that comes under the type of spending you’re talking about?
Think that’s probably it for last week. Plus 3 days of nursery fees!

£160 on Ocado (family of 5). Just waiting for a £28 Deliveroo Co-Op shop to arrive, milk, fruit, choc bars for the kids after their first day back etc. Spending like that is pretty common for us on that income.

We earn a similar amount as a household (so take home more than your DH will net) and I would be having words with DH if he was spending £250 per week every week.

We each get £500 personal spends a month, and can dip into the joint account if they run out - but neither of us would ever be spending £1,000 month on month. And I get lunch and dinner out regularly, have my nails done every 3 weeks, hair cut and coloured every quarter and a skin care regime that costs about £50 a month, so we’re hardly scrimping.

That's still over £5000 a year though on trips out and activities which again is a huge amount for a pre school aged child who would be just as content with a packed lunch an afternoon at the park, library or other much cheaper activity.

The problem with that argument is that you’d pay nursery out but bring £80k in.

If that is your argument for your spending, it’s no wonder he’s not going for it.

Ultimately, although it is ‘family money’ you both need an equal say on what happens to it, you don’t get to just take £13k a year for fun stuff without him being in agreement, while not earning anything for yourself.

I spend more than you (but my child is older) but I earn my own money. My husband wouldn’t care what I spent even if I didn’t, but I wouldn’t spend in excess of what we could afford - which I think you are. My husband earns considerably more than yours, and on his salary alone I would not feel comfortable blowing through £250 a week on nothing.

If your child is nursery age, there is so much to do for free and very cheaply! I spent very little at that age. It’s now that she’s a tween that I can’t open my front door and step outside without kissing goodbye to £100 a time….

But also, YOLO. What’s the point in earning well if you’re not gonna enjoy it. Once bills and savings are looked after, who cares.

I'd go back to work if I was you

@Luxio not just on the pre-school child - OP also says things for herself like hair and nails.
If she has no income of her own, then I personally think £5000 a year out of a £170,000 income is pretty good. I actually don't think that too much to consider for all social and "nice" expenses for herself and a child.

@Righan 12k a year for two people to have a nice life . I wouldn’t be reigning anything in . He can either spend it on his wife and kid or he can pay for full time child care.
Ypu gave up a decent wage to be a sahm why should you be stuck in with no money .

A lot of these places like zoo etc offer annual membership so shouldn't need racking up costs every week. Just buy membership to your favourite three places.

Food really adds up these days. I can see how you could spend £50 a day on food, drinks, snacks alone for two of you.

Does this money also cover clothes for you and DD, birthday and Christmas presents, things like your mobile phone, gym and subscriptions, make up, personal costs like hobbies and your own socialising? If it does then I don't think it's too bad tbh.

I was responding to you spending over £5000 on activities with your child? She's spending approximately £13000?

I’m in a similar situation, ie husband has a good income, I’m a SAHM. The way we sort things out is that he sends me money per month for myself, and all children’s expenses are handled by the joint account which he pays into and we have joint access to. I wouldn’t commit significant money to children’s activities without discussing with him first because it is both of our money. It makes it simpler for me to spend ‘my money on me’ without having to justify my spending to him or feel any guilt and also the children get to do their classes and play dates etc., and husband can easily see where the money is going. I wouldn’t do an expensive day trip without my husband as he would like to go to the zoo or whatever as well, so we would save that for the weekend when he can join us.

I think you should return to work and bill him for childcare as you are largely parenting alone.

Does it include clothes & cosmetics?

I'm impressed you afford all this on £500 a month!

All it would take is for me to need a new pair of glasses and a haircut, plus a few friends' birthdays and that would be all of it gone.

She states clearly in her OP that the £250
does not include food or petrol.

Playing devil’s advocate here but does he know how much things cost? My ex wouldn’t have a clue how much things cost eg hot drinks at a cafe or entry fee at soft play never mind nails and hair. I have a teen son so know how much it costs to go to a barber and he would be shocked at the amounts that women spent including stuff like colour.

I assume that the problem is a different in attitude. He earns a lot but doesn’t want to spend it all- he would like to save towards other stuff maybe private education, holidays etc Many high earners are nervous about losing their jobs so won’t want to live month to month.

Oh I see @Luxio , I mis-read.
Well, what I spend on my child is my choice. This isn't about me. You have no idea where I live or how expensive it is around me. The other day I went to a local play area and the parking alone was £7.50 for the day.

I was simply sharing my opinion that I don't think under the OP circumstances the amount she is spending is something that should be worried about. I think it sounds just fine!

OP what does your other personal spending amount to? Petrol, car insurance, your clothes etc. I bet if you add it all up it's a lot.

And this makes you feel good ?

I think I’d struggle to spend that a week but then I’ve never been in a position to do so and everything is relative.

I think the above poster who said if he was in nursery you’d be earning£80k has a point.

If you were earning £80k and paying history and still spending £250p/w on frivolities you’d probably still have change!!!

I think the solution here is to sit down together and show where it’s going.

If you’re doing 3 day trips a week at £50 a time you could look at cheaper alternatives?

But the truth is some classes are expensive, days out are expensive etc and if your DH wants your DS to be home with you rather than nursery he may also need to compromise up from his expected outgoing and meet you somewhere in the middle.

That also means as well as adjusting the monetary side of it picking some of the household tasks side of things too if he suggests you returning to work!

I think that you are living in proportion to your income. It's also cheaper than the childcare you'd need. MN is massively into hoarding money. I often wonder if that's why people end up so bitter.

It's not possible to say based on household income alone. For example, if you are free from a mortgage and any other debt, have plenty of savings and a decent investment portfolio then I think it's fine.

Difference is if she was working and using child care the household income would be nearly £5k a month more.

Have you got a household budget? We did one a year ago and it was eye opening. Money saving expert has a good template. Makes you look at the whole picture, including savings and investments and assign a budget for days out/ stuff like this. Do one together and it will help you agree on what’s the figure you can actually afford and is reasonable for your discretionary spending with your DC.