How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

Op, you’re clearly bored. Dont take that the wrong way. You also sound like you are a stubborn soul…. Maybe do what I did once when I knew I was spending loads, but did because I could. Challenge yourself to spend as little as possible in a week… just for your own entertainment. Then do it again. I promise you it will become your mission to spend less than before and so on. Then have days or weeks where you spend what you want. Write down how you feel about each week. Then compare. I was once on a mission to spend like, £10 one week…. I think I ended up spending £11 and had a ball!! My LO had a new outfit from the charity shop, we fed the ducks with reduced sandwich’s and cakes for a picnic. We found rocks and painted them, then popped them in our local fairy garden for others to find. I swapped all my read books for ones I hadn’t read at our local book swap. Went to the tip with loads of crap, came back with a new storage unit (kallax, nobody says no to free kallax!!)
Just decide to do it one week and see how much you can do with nothing, might just open your eyes!!

Yes, allegedly. I do wonder..,,

He has to earn about 25k a year pre tax just to fund your nails, trips to the zoo etc.

Its way too much! Take the children to the library, the public pool, the park & the church hall toddler group. You could spend a quarter of what you are spending and have a lovely time.

*This website seems to attract some of the highest earners in the country!....allegedly!
Yes, allegedly. I do wonder..,
I meant to put on a laughing emoji. I sensed your cynicism!

Op, if he earns 170k amd contributes a fairly typical 8% to pension, he is only getting £100k after tax/NI and pension.

You are pissing away more than 10% of it.

Landed on your feet there haven't you OP.

Omg seriously, its not unheard of in London. Lawyers, accountants, tech, will all be on this sort of money.

DH is on 200k, my FTE is £150k but I'm part time.

🤣 I won’t deny my cynicism, particularly when talking about £170K!

Please could I ask what jobs you do?

Depends where the OP lives. If it’s London, you can burn through £20 just by breathing outside, that’s £100 a week gone before you’ve even done anything. It’s all relative, and as a slice of salary it’s hardly outrageous. Why the martyr act, competing for gold in the tight arse olympics? Money’s for living, not for stockpiling like a miser.

So I Think the two of you need to sit down and talk about it.

you’ll get a lot in here who think that whatever they would do is the absolute best and anyone who deviates by a penny is an atrocious human being 🙄😂

Do you know how much disposable income you guys have? So how much after the mortgage, the bills, food etc are all paid off you have left over? Once you have that then I would sit down with him and have a conversation about how you want to spend/save this money. There arguments for every different way on this but at the end of the day it’s down to the two of you together to work out a split.

Maybe after bills etc there isn’t much left (yes you have a high income but maybe you have a huge mortgage etc) and he’s feeling the squeeze. Or maybe he thinks he wants to save more or have more available for the two of you, or bigger things like holidays or private schools etc? Or maybe things just cost a lot of money and he doesn’t realise? The only way to really know about this is to sit down with one’s and paper when the kiddies asleep and go through it all. Good luck!

What on earth is the point of OP giving up her job then if she can’t enjoy the huge income that her husband earns?? What else are they spending it on? It’s joint income and in my opinion if you’ve got it you should be able to enjoy it.

go back to work and spend your own money

Actually he brings home £101k before any sort of pension deduction at all. Tax and NI is massive at that salary level.

I suspect those expressing cynicism at the £170k wouldn't be quite as shocked about a two earner family both earning £65k. They would have the same net income as one person earning £170k because of the way the tax rate increases.

I read a thread very similar to this just a couple weeks ago. Something about £15 for soft play. Is it the same OP?

250 a week for non essentials???
Yabvvvvvu

Or the country's biggest fantasists.

I went back and found it and think it was a different OP. She was on a career break and was moaning about only having £150 a week. She was flamed.

I have my suspicions it's the same OP under a name change who has altered a few facts since they are such similar stories.

Do you like being a SAHM? You e given up a career and your own money and now you're being asked to justify your spending to 'het through the week'. Be honest about how you feel and if it's what you really want to do or feel you should do. Plenty of options to go back to work or work part time etc

There are an awful lot of high earners, They also tend to have jobs where they can sit in front of a laptop and pop onto MN when they are bored so will probably be disproportionately represented on here.

Is that £250 a week, week in and week out? Every week? You buy food on top of this - don’t you ever consider making a packed lunch and cutting back a bit?
How many children is this for and what are their ages?
Do you have other help in the home, like a cleaner / does your partner do housework / life admin or does it fall on you?
How do you have time for nails and haircuts - who is looking after your child(ren) during this time?
Would you not rather have a good portion of that money saved, put in your pension or to build up some “savings” for yourself?

All genuine questions OP. I really cannot see how it is necessary to always be spending on activities or taking the kids out so often - do you have downtime at home? It’s a lot of spending but what was the agreement before you left your job? For example, did you have joint finances before children so partner had a clear view of your spending and saving style? It’s not news to him is it?

Yes OP, God forbid you should have any "fun" - why aren't you eating gruel and saving 99% of your earnings??

Enjoy yourselves, you can't take it with you!

I think its fine given the income you have. Ive no idea how much someone on £170K takes home a month but it must be around £9-£10k. I would be out of control if my DH earnt that and I had free reign of the account😆

God grief if you can only have fun spending 250 a month you have limited imagination

Of people i personally know who make over 100k

• anyone Working at Private banks
• anyone working at JP Morgan
• anyone at Blackrock
• Lawyers everywhere / anywhere (magic circle and inhouse)
• Most roles in cyber security
• Doctors (consultants touch 100k so do GPs if thry do locum)
• everyone with a ComSci or SwEng degree i know
• any senior ish person (ie 10 years plus) experience in any type of multinational media or marketing agency or in house at a brand (snr roles only)
• anyone in any office based sales role in media or tech sector.
• anyone in tech (non tech ic4s make 100k with bonus)
• commercial property management
• Senior Civil Service
• two front of house maître Ds (includes the tronc)
• Car salesman
• a Hairdresser!!!