How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

What does your DH spend on non routine bills?

The key question is does the £250/week include the cost of renting a container for OP to keep her inflated sense of entitlement in?

I think it nowhere near compensates you for pausing your career. Is he offering to continue paying into a pension for you? Or calculating what his half of childcare would be? Until the impact is equalised I think he is getting a very cost effective nanny and whatever else you are managing

But I’m guessing his £170k is before tax, pension etc! You sound very entitled and I think he’s right to question how you waste money!

Our household income is £100k higher than yours (and we live in a lower tax country) and our monthly budget for things that fall into that bucket is about 150/week. That includes DH’s haircut. We do save a lot though (c. 30% of pre tax) and have £800/month childcare costs.

what are your outgoings and what are you saving?

I wouldn't, it would be irrelevant as I've always spent/earnt my own money and never had a joint bank account...
It seems a fair amount for someone in employment , but pretty excessive for someout out of work.

*someone out of work

As long as you can afford it (I.e. no debts etc) I think it's fine. It's both of your money, given that you left your job to care for DC and you should be able to spend as you wish (I am clearly a minority view though!)

£250 per week isn't that crazy. We are similar and don't earn quite as much.
Tell him to swap roles for a month.
If your earnings are this much then why the hell not enjoy the finer things in life?

You're pissing a grand a month up the wall and wonder why he's annoyed ? Your now 80k down AND still spending close to what nursery fees would be if you stayed in work

What if husband falls ill and can’t work? You would have to rein it in then?
£250 a week? That’s a weekly wage for some .

That’s a crazy amount of money to spend each week

As a household you aren’t taking home that much. £170k sounds great- but after tax, NI, pension what’s the monthly take home? Around £11k a month? (My maths is shit)😂but you spend around £1000 a month on park days out and lunch? Your mortgage must be a fair bit, along with other bills. I think it’s a lot to essentially fritter away.

Yes, £1000 plus per month on fun activities does seem excessive. You keep saying “out of £170k” but so what, it’s like you HAVE to spend that as he earns a large salary. Why doesn’t you save something for kids uni, future or even potential property investment. There’s only so many farms you can visit anyway!

You are spending over £30 every single day that's alot of unnecessary spend. I might spend that on an activity but it would probably be once a week. If your child is a toddler make.the most of the time you can entertain them for free or very cheap - the park, library, baking at home they quickly outgrown it.and you spend a fortune on activities, sports and all the kits and equipment!

Maybe she should put some of the £250 per week towards per pension then, at least it would be of some use rather than wasting it on continuous days out, which sound like they are being done for the sake of it.

it isn't even nearly 11k a month. £170k gross is 100k net per annum without any pension being taken off. I would anticipate a high pension contribution at this salary level since the taper will kick in if he has a few pay rises and gets to £200k so he's probably trying to maximise money into his pension now whilst he still can.

So realistically if he's putting about ten percent into his pension it's about £7,500 a month. Not peanuts but not vast riches for a family income. All depends on outgoings though.

This poster definitely posted about this about a fortnight or so ago though. She's also eating lunch out and buying multiple coffees etc every day and couldn't understand those who were saying this wasn't normal.

I see your point but it isn't your money, its an "allowance", it's money he has worked for and is kind enough to let you have some of for literally nothing

On the face of it, I don’t think it’s excessive but the context is everything. If your essential household outgoings are high with a big mortgage, bills, debts, car finance etc then £250pw might be a lot of the disposable income. If there’s very little of that, then as a proportion £250 might not be very high. It would be sensible to sit down with your partner and make a list of all of your combined essential outgoings then see what you have left, work out what you want to allocate for savings/investments etc and then you can divide the balance so you get a fair share for your outgoings. That will help avoid any resentment on both sides.

I’m sorry but whatever your income, £1000 a month is a lot for non essential spending for one person in a one income household.

I would either want to save more incase the unthinkable happens & DH is unable to work/loses his job or work at least part time to keep a second income coming in which could be spent.

What?! She’s looking after their child, did you miss that bit?

I think your spending is reasonable OP. What's the point in being a high earner and still penny pinching. I'm sure you have ample savings and a cushion in case things take a turn financially. You can't take it with you.

i would expect to spend what i need - but nothing like 250 quid a week!

you must go out daily for that amount buying everything?

i would also rein it in or go back to work

But surely if your child was in nursery, you'd be back to pulling in your £80k plus salary. Currently you are down that salary PLUS £250 a week?!