How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

Do you need nails and hair done EVERY week? Who looks after baby while you are having them done, do u have to pay a childminder? It’s an obscene waste in my opinion!

Obviously OPs family has a high income...

But if they aren't on the save page about savings and spending they will get problems.

If the DH is trying to overpay the mortgage, or plan holidays, or pay into pensions for both of them, or planning for education etc and the DW is spending m ore than budgeted on lunches and hair appointments, they won't be happy.

Thats why they need a plan.

Yeah I was wondering what all these people who say they earn a lot more than that do??? Genuinely interested. I need a new career!!!

What does your husband spend on himself, day to day? Including anything like golf or other club membership, socialising etc

Your budgeting is not ideal.
We were going way over budget and we broke it doen further.
Kids activities that are sports clubs etc should be in one pot.
Hair, makeup, nails etc should be in another.
We earn about that and kids activites are around 150 a month like swimming and football clubs.
My personal hair and makeup, nails, etc is 100 a month. I would love to be groomed all the time but its really expensive.
Our family fun day budget is around 250 a month. Trampolining, farms etc. This flexes between summer its up and winter its down.
Coffee out and cafes, eg there is a cafe in our park and we have breakfast sometimes is about 100 a month.
So total fun budget is around 450 a month.

I dont see the problem?! If you can afford it and not struggling for money there’s nothing wrong with it!! All money is shared so you’re entitled to spend it if it’s within your means.

I'm surprised by these responses. On that salary, I think that's fine. Things add up and you have enough money for it. He's being stingy. You're not going to be at home with your kid forever, you can afford it, enjoy your time with your child, you can't get it back.

A salary of £170k gives you roughly £8500 a month take home (maybe less depend on pension contributions) Nursery would be roughly £2500 as you’d probably not be eligible for benefits so no. I’d push back, you’re spending roughly £1000 a month for activities for you and your son. It just seems a lot but it’s well within your budgets.

I think it is wonderful that you’re able to spend so much time making wonderful memories and having fun with your child! They’re only little once, remind your husband of this, they will soon be off to school and you will never get this time back! It’s precious and I can only wish I had more money to do more with my Daughter! You’re certainly not living beyond your means and I think your husband should be glad that your child is being able to experience so much fun and is out and about in the fresh air, enjoying time with their Mummy. Would he rather you were sat at home!? As for your hair and nails etc…why shouldn’t you be allowed to treat yourself!? You only get one life and nobody knows what is around the corner! Honestly, continue to enjoy it as much as you can!!

Wow that's an awful lot. Just because it earns well doesn't mean you have to fritter away money

So £50 a day? Or are you including going out as a family at the weekend too? Either way it is a lot, regardless of your family income. Maybe look at some cheaper/free days out, although summer is the best time for parks, beaches and picnics there's still museums, free groups in libraries etc.

Couldn’t agree more, by the logic of that comment he shouldn’t be responsible for funding the week either.

Exactly this!

I pay £27 on my acrylic nails every three weeks and £70 on my hilights every six months. What are you having done and how often?!

How often are you going out to lunch/to the zoo? Try going to the library, toddler groups, a walk in the woods or a picnic in the park!

I think if the person who earns all the money thinks you are spunking too much on crap, then you need to stop.

Share nursery costs and go back to earning £80k and spend your own money if it's really that important to you!

Does it cover all of your clothes purchases etc? Perfume, cosmetics? Or is it just activities?

I earn slightly less than your husband does and DH about what you used to and we don't spend that on activities, altho we only have wknds plus one day a week each with LO as we both work 4 days. I don't think I would see that as affordable after tax etc, but then I'm pretty focussed on saving for the future, university fees, helping out dd when she's older etc. Would also like us both to be able to retire at a decent point.

You say it's cheaper than nursery but how much of it is being spent on child's activities Vs your hair and nails?

Sounds as though you're spending money for the sake of it though? Maybe the odd week you'd do expensive days out like that and spend a lot but every week? You could have just as lovely a time with your young DC without spending that much, and also teaching them to enjoy the simple things and not expect extravagant days out and meals out etc all the time as part of everyday life. You'll probably both enjoy the odd treat more if it's not an everyday thing.

Sit down with your DH and create a household budget. Start with total income, take out taxes, pension for both of you, an agreed-upon savings amount (this includes emergency savings but you should also identify specific joint savings goals like a house move/remodel, big trips, savings for DC, etc), and household bills. Then figure out reasonable monthly amounts each for food-shop and household consumables, transportation (including car maintenance and repair if applicable), pet care, children's clothes and toys, family fun on weekends and holidays plus weekday outings like soft play, etc. Then look at what is left and set a discretionary spending amount for individual (not child or family) expenses for both you and DH - this is where hair/nails falls, but also clothes, meals/drinks out or travel with friends, gadgets, etc. Track your spending according to the budget, then in 3 months sit down and look at whether you need to adjust the budget or reign in spending. Repeat this every 6 months until it feels like it's time to go move to an annual check-up.

As others have said, $1,000 per month is easy to spend on what you describe but it's also very possible to reduce that amount. The way you and DH will figure out if $1,000 is reasonable for your family is to make a budget together and figure out whether some of that $1,000 would be better allocated to another savings or spending use.

I can see both sides and have been in the same position. DH and I worked very hard to get to where we were, but his salary only exploded after I stopped working to look after DCs and, like you, we only saw him on weekends.

My DH dictated (literally!) that I had to manage on 400/month, when petrol alone was 50/wk and I cooked from scratch every night, had my hair done 6x/yr, did my own nails, but he went out whenever he wanted spending whatever he wanted. It was a miserable time.

Like Dobby I am now a free elf!! 😂
Be firm about your needs but be practical about the future.

How much I would ‘expect’ to be able to spend would depend a lot on other expenses.

But purely on the face of it, I think it’s a lot to spend on days out and lunches for one adult and one pre-schooler plus hair and nails for one adult. I mean, a trip to a pricey farm parks probably costs about £40 for an adult and a child.

Are you one of those people who has to take their kid to farm parks/zoos/soft plays constantly instead of actually playing with them?

Gah! I'm going nuts! That's nightshifts for you!

I earn more than that myself and dh has his own money but even I wouldn't spend that on basically nothing.

Wow your upset that he is upset at you wasting at least 1k a month on essentially nothing. How would you feel if it were the other way about? I'd definetly suggest you go back to work and pay for nursery so you can waste your own money on the days you are off. Regardless of the income it is a total waste of money you don't need coffees and lunches everytime you and your child leave the house. The same goes for activities you dont have to go to costly farm parks take your child to a park walk in the forest etc. You say the weekly food shop is ontop of what you are spending this would suggest you have perfectly good food at home. Your husband is right for telling you to reign it in you never know what the future holds and 1k per month is a lot to dwindle away.

You spend a grand a month on fun stuff? A lady wot lunches perchance?!

I think the amount you spend is irrelevant assuming it can be afforded which it obviously can . I presume that you giving up work to do childcare was agreed and for me that means all money is family money and I wouldn’t expect my husband to be even looking at what I spend let alone how much . FWIW a few years ago when I could still ride I was spending about £100 per week on riding lessons plus the usual £120 livery for our sons pony and my husband who is the only earner in our house earns considerably less than £170k .

Honestly, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I’d just keep track of what you’re spending and split it into your bits vs DC activities, then sit down with DH and compare it to his spends. Don’t forget you’re already saving a fortune on childcare/house help by being at home. And tbh, I totally get it – people are saying £250 is loads, but it’s so easy to hit £50 in a day with lunch + soft play/farm/zoo. It all adds up fast!