Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

You are such a lovely grandparent. She's so lucky to have you.

Try not to worry - sounds like she has a plan re joining clubs etc.
Also she shouldn't worry about fashions. I remember back in the late 80s the uni fashion was definitely different from my 6th form comp, but that it didn't matter.
That said I do believe new balance trainers are on.

I can’t answer questions about what she needs etc . But - she is clearly a very bright young woman , with confidence and ambition . Working 5 days a week at 17 and making plans for uni this young , plus having the confidence to go to another city alone - she is clearly very ambitious , confident and mature . I think this shows what a great job you have done. You worry because you love her and it’s this love that has shaped her into the person she is today.

you should be very proud of yourself and proud it sounds like you have done your daughter proud xx

Oh dear heart, what a wonderful grandma you are! Please don't worry too much - sounds like she's doing all the right things, getting in touch with the flatmates, etc.

London's great (I went at 17, too, to study languages). But if a student there, I would recommend a really good, warm lined, waterproof coat with nice deep pockets, as well as a decent pair of winter boots - the London pavements are pretty unforgiving!

Very good idea to wait until she gets there before buying stuff - no need the schlep it all down on the train.

My son is now in the Met Police - his only big piece of advice: NEVER, EVER, EVER walk along with your phone in your hand - if you need to look at a map or send a quick text, pop into a shop or an office doorway. And tell her to be a bit careful about leaving a drink unattended.

Crossbody bag always good idea for little valuables.

Don't worry about clothes - she'll find her style and there's always Vinted and charity shops x

Sending her so much love (and to you, of course) - what an exciting time for her. You'll miss her so much but what an amazing job you have done in launching her into the big, brilliant world!

What a lovely Grandma you are ! The love and care you are showing is beautiful. I’m sure your granddaughter will have a wonderful time and do make sure you go a visit her .

Congratulations on her achievements - what a clever lassie and you’re a formidable woman stepping up
Doon the road is a big but fun experience. Plenty of other young folk from up the road, oversea and uk. Loads of clever young folk to meet
Regards weather shes not going to need the same heavy clothes, London is milder climate and not as wet.
plenty opportunity to work, get pt job, do loads of fun touristy stuff

where is she staying.

zoom call, face time , txt IG lots of way to keep in touch

She'll pick that up fast if she wants to fit in but there are so many styles and people in London she can be whatever and it'll be absolutely fine. Of she feels she sees a style she'd like to adopt or adapt to her tastes then she can shop for it, plenty of those :) I moved from North to London for uni and it was brilliant fun, never had an issue with safety as its easy to keep to safe areas, knife crime is a problem in certain neighbourhood style places usually and as long as she picks up to be a bit streetwise as you need to be in any big city then she'll be fine.

She has done incredibly well to get into UCL and your emotions are totally normal.
We live in Europe but my 18 year old will be going to UK university next week. He hasnt lived in the Uk since a toddler and I likely won’t see him again until Christmas.
Everytime I think of it I get a lump in my stomach.
Amazon is fantastic and she can likely het parcels sent to her university post room. My older son used to love getting little parcels with food/small toiletries etc. I set mine up with a small first aid kit of paracetamol, ibuprofen, plasters etc. Just if needed.

When I went to uni my parents didn't support me at all financially or send me with anything etc. my dad moved me then left after 5 mins. I still had an amazing time made lots of friends. I worked two jobs but still struggled I would have loved to have money towards my food shop and some really comfortable bedding, throws, pillows, soft blankets 😊

Gentle YABU, she will be fine.

However I can't get my head around why she chose to go to a university in England when Scottish students studying in Scotland get university education for free.

I just want to thank everyone for being so lovely! I really appreciate it, truly!

My granddaughter is definitely more excited than nervous, she’s seeming quite laid back about it and has a “I’ve researched everything I’ve thought to research and anything I’ve missed I’ll learn while I’m there” attitude. I was expecting her to be more nervous or apprehensive but she is just desperate to go! She’s barely spent any of Christmas and birthday money from last year as she is so excited to buy a new tennis racket from a proper tennis shop, visit daunt books, do all the museums (she loves art, history, languages and reading more than anything).

I think I’m just dreading how quiet the house is going to be without the background of her German Dad Rock music (this is what she calls it) and the constant runs of tennis on the TV!

Get her do a bit shopping get some trainers, hoodies etc
Great thing about Ldn is it’s so big no one looking or bothering about anyone else. Clique and clothes It’s more of an issue in towns and burbs

DONT waft about with phone out,if need to check a message or map step in a doorway or shop

usual advice about street smarts and be safe but she’d need to do that up the road too

london is like a collection of towns joined together. All areas have their own vibe

Lovely post
sensible advice regard phone safety

When we visited Glasgow she said it just didn’t feel right, she St Andrews was too insular, Edinburgh she debated on and off for a while, she had an unconditional offer and made it her insurance choice but ultimately felt like London was calling her. I think a big part of it was her school friends were going to these unis and she felt like she needed away from them or she would keep following their lead (she has always sat back a bit more and let her friends guide what they are doing).

Hello OP. Please don't be worried - your granddaughter sounds like an amazing young woman. She will live London (I worked there for 30+ years). My son moved there at age 23 to share with friends and has had a lovely time so far. He went to Australia and Cambodia straight after school (survived!), then uni in Nottingham (lived in a pretty rough area for one year too - survived!). Like others have said, usually her halls will have a chat group set up so they can see what they need, and she can do online orders for bulky stuff.

Sometime you have a compulsion to go, explore, take a leap
She will be just fine in ldn

What an incredible young lady you’ve raised despite such tragic circumstances. I hope you feel very proud of raising her so well.

She will be absolutely fine x

I've only read a few of your posts but honestly there are so many students in London with different backgrounds, different styles and different budgets. Everyone wants to be an individual so you do not have to worry at all. I bet someone will copy your granddaughter's style. She will be fine.

You can pick up bedding etc really cheaply in Primark or one of the local Ikea's (in Soho or Hammersmith) or much more expensively in John Lewis (Oxford Street or Westfield in Shepherds Bush or Stratford). You can get everything you need so you really don't need to bring anything.
UCL is an amazing college so you should be very proud. All I would say is she needs to be on the ball about getting accommodation for years 2 & 3. If she needs to rent privately at any time she will need a guarantor (I know this as we rent a house to students). Don't panic. Just be aware and then you will avoid lots of stress when they all start looking for next years accommodation (can start as early as Easter).
Well done you for doing all this for her. She is so lucky to have you.

Your thread is all the more heartwarming for being so full of common sense OP! What a wonderful relationship the two of you have. Restores your faith a bit.

I agree with the thing of not walking along looking at your phone - it does seem to be an issue in London. Never leave your drink unattended is a good rule too, anywhere.

This is from the Crimestoppers website:

• Be aware of your surroundings, and always look out for what’s going on around you.
• If you need to call or use your phone on the street: make it quick, to minimise the chance of you becoming distracted by the conversation and a thief spotting your phone.
• Look out for anyone on a bike or a moped near you.
• Don’t text while you’re walking – you will be less aware of what is happening around you.
• Wednesdays are the peak days for phone snatches in the City of London - 38% of offences were committed on Wednesdays. 65% of phone snatches happen between 6.00pm and 1.00am, when many City workers and visitors are socialising, and often trying to use taxi-apps to book transport home. So these are the days and times to be extra-vigilant.
• If you can, stand with your back against a wall when using your phone so nobody can come up behind you.
• Whilst many of us keep our bank cards inside our phone cover, the police recommend changing this habit - as if the phone gets stolen, your precious bank cards go with it, and they can then be used by the criminals for fraudulent transactions.

Thank you, these are really useful stats. Bank card in phone case won’t be an issue as she refuses to use a phone case at all despite many a dinner debate about it!

I live very near UCL - there's very little street crime there (or anywhere in Central London), especially knife crime - that is very much gang related. I feel safe walking or getting the bus/tube any time of day or night. The only exception to this rule is phone snatching which is pretty rife. Women in London often have cross body phone cases. Partly it's fashion but it's also a useful deterrent against phone theft. Amazon is often the best place to get them - you have to know the model number of your grand daughter's phone - they only cost around £10. Your grand daughter sounds like a tribute to you and likely to have a great time. UCL is a great university.

This is an excellent post. I would only add that she will also find her own style :) Send her with money for shopping rather than new clothes - one of the best things about London is the shopping and she can pick her own stuff once she is settled and knows what she wants to wear.

Think back to when you were 17, i bet you were super mature and able to look after yourself?

She'll be fine and it's an amazing opportunity, dont worry about packing either, shopping in London will be so much more fun anyway.

If there is a crisis, you can easily get to London on a flight, probably quicker than driving from e.g Aberdeen to Newcastle!

London is an amazing city and so much to do as a student. Stuff she can do low cost or free.

Your granddaughter will learn what is fashionable when she gets there, and will have access to some of the best shopping in the world! I know it's not the same scale as London but I moved to Edinburgh for university when I was seventeen and shared a student flat with four girls from the Highlands and Islands all of a similar age. Most of us spent a lot of our spare time in the big communal changing room in Top Shop on Princes Street trying on everything we could get our hands on! (Although one girl stuck loyally to shopping at Dorothy Perkins, because that's what she was familiar with since it was the only woman's clothes shop in the nearest 'big town' to where she grew up - we despaired of her at the time, but she was probably the one out of all of us who knew her style!) I wouldn't worry too much about sending your granddaughter with too many new clothes, instead I'd give her a bit of a budget to treat herself when she gets there and sees what everyone else is wearing.

The girls I lived with all thrived in the city, but you may also find it comforting to know that now we are in our forties all but one has returned to live close to where they grew up.