Don’t want Dh to start getting home from work earlier

[Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays]

Dh used to get home from work around 6 onwards, in summer they’ve been going into work earlier and arriving home earlier at 4.30, due to the heat. They’ve all decided they prefer this at his workplace and will stick with these hours.
I pick Dd, 6 up from school and am home for 3.30, I really used to enjoy this time for just us, we’d have a snack and cuddle up together on the sofa, read books, watch tv and chat, we’d then maybe play for a bit, take the dog for a walk, then i’d get dinner ready later.
It just takes this away with Dh arriving not long after, changes the dynamic
At weekends we’re all home and also she’s at friends houses or has friends around

Aibu to be sad at missing this quiet time just for us?

Agreed. It's like you actively want to exclude him and have your child all to yourself. It's like you just see him as a sperm donor who provided you with a daughter for you to form a cosy little girls' club with, and now you think he's intruding.

But you said that he and dd will go outside and.play/bike and she loves it?

Offered gym time would be amazing - like most parents with kids, you don't really get time for the gym without leaving everything to one other parent. And no one wants to go to the gym at 5:00am or 8:00pm.

There's no reason you can't continue what you're already doing, just with an extra person mingling around. Does he like cooking? Get him in the kitchen if he does.

We're early risers in my house, much to my distress, as my work day is 9-5 and I work 15 mins from home. Son goes to breakfast club. Older 'kids' sort themselves out. if I could work 8-4 or 7-3 type of gig I'd change. But apperiacte how lucky I am with 9-5 and no weekends,

I would be delighted if my dh got home at 4.30 daily instead of 6.30 by time he gets home and this does come across as go away dh I don’t want you here lol I mean nothing is stopping you spending time with her still to be fair your dh would probably be upset if you said to him stay out dh cheers

I get it. DH used to finish at 4.30 and now it’s 2 - it took me a while to get used to the new routine and rhythm, and we don’t even have children to think of.

Try and reframe it in your mind though - you’ve had a year (?) of that special time with DD - now she can enjoy quality time with her dad in the same way.

I imagine you’d be pretty upset if he told you he didn’t want you home early because that’s “his” time.

What a twat he is, getting home earlier like that, give him an ultimatum, he has to stop spending more time with you as a family or you will divorce him.

Her friend is here playing as they often are weekends and holidays as I previously said

She will almost have to beg him to…sometimes he does

Are you always such as dick?

Awful isn’t it? Must have a sad, lonely life, worse than mine even. To come on a thread when someone is upset and cruelly take the piss

Is your life really bad then if you say “worse than mine”?

He sounds pretty horrible op

That time will change anyway (as mum of an 8yo, once he's had a snack, I'm rarely 'required'
I would think it would be good to spend time as the three of you or DH spend that quality time with her ? (DS has really enjoyed setting up and playing board games with both of us lately)

I completely understand OP. I really enjoy lazy Saturday mornings alone with my DDs, playing board games, doing crafts, just the stuff we don't have time for in the week with the rush of school and clubs. I'm always secretly a bit miffed if DH decides to come back from work early. Sometimes it's nice to have that 121 time.

The posts sneering at you are from people bitter about the fact you work part-time and they don't. It happens on any thread where a poster dares to work less than 40 hours a week.

If she is diagnosed with ADHD, surely you can realise how important that ability to be active is for her regulation?

I get it. When you’ve had a routine for so long, it’s just the way it is. Mine comes home around 9pm and if he now did a 9-5 I would hate the change of routine and having him here every night. It’s more chilled out when me and DC. They have my full attention whereas when DH is here my attention is diverted

Not every father is this fun bubbly father dying to get stuck in with chores and child duties

So this is really a husband/ marriage/ him not necessarily being the dad you deem he should be problem ?

It seems that sorejaws has form

Exactly

She has plenty of activity for regulation and also needs and responds well to this quiet time, she’s always her calmest and regulated during these times

So nice isn’t it 😊 I know it won’t always be like this

Exactly this, much more chilled when just us