Don’t want Dh to start getting home from work earlier

[Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays]

Dh used to get home from work around 6 onwards, in summer they’ve been going into work earlier and arriving home earlier at 4.30, due to the heat. They’ve all decided they prefer this at his workplace and will stick with these hours.
I pick Dd, 6 up from school and am home for 3.30, I really used to enjoy this time for just us, we’d have a snack and cuddle up together on the sofa, read books, watch tv and chat, we’d then maybe play for a bit, take the dog for a walk, then i’d get dinner ready later.
It just takes this away with Dh arriving not long after, changes the dynamic
At weekends we’re all home and also she’s at friends houses or has friends around

Aibu to be sad at missing this quiet time just for us?

So why have him around at all then? is it fair he is only arpunf when useful is how it seems so maybe be a single parent then? if you dont want to do that then what do you want him to check with you when it is ok to come home to the place he lives and I presume equally pays for?

Have more children. Why are you calling your husband “they”?

@banananas1999 I think by “they” OP just meant husband and coworkers

If you feel like this now, I don’t think you’ll make it with him when he retires. Your Dd is not your possession, she belongs to both of you as a family, however I do understand the need for alone time as adults.

Exactly, and doesn't seem to like the fact that dd enjoys her time with her dad/friends.
Do YOU have friends op?

😂

It sounds as if you’re worried that she prefers to spend time with him, doing things she perceives as “fun” than spending time with you, doing the things that YOU enjoy doing with her.

Here we go…I have friends I like spending time with. My Dd plays with friends all weekend long as I said and I think it’s great, she plays with her dad sometimes, which is also great. I was just sad at losing that small time we’ve always had, just us with no outside noise

Not at all, I just miss our time as I know it’s changing and that’s natural and will change even more as she gets older. It’s not about anyone else, just me missing the bonding time we had

YABU.

Find ways to make the change positive and don’t dwell on it.

There are some idiotic people on this thread.
It's perfectly reasonable and lovely in fact, to want 1 on 1 time with your child. Having another person around - no matter who that is - will naturally change the dynamic. People must be emotionally very dense to not realise this. It's not as if OP wants to hog her child all to herself for hours and hours.

I finish at 3, DH and oldest DS used to finish later and get in for about 6, used to love my few hours alone in the house, potter about, get on with bits, cook without someone else in the kitchen, catch up on a boxset he wouldn't watch etc. Both changed their jobs and now get in just after 4, now feel like i don't have any time to myself, can't get the kitchen to myself, can't mop the floors before they come in. I feel your pain

I think you’re being judged here unfairly, it’s natural to feel sadness for moments you think you won’t get back, but you need to make new ones.
There is every chance you can find those moments elsewhere. Go upstairs 15 minutes earlier for bedtime, make bath time longer, start cooking together….. Just cherish the moments you get. It goes so fast.

You still have an hour a day together. I would suggest you both have one afternoon a week where you do sports or meet friends giving the other some one on one time with your DD. It’s fairer as well, your DH should also have a chance to experience this.

go you.

But that is not the current situation. FGS the guy wants to see more of his family.
How is that a bad thing?

Just because he’s finishing work earlier doesn’t mean he wants to spend more time with his family! Never have I said that

Does your DD want more time with her dad @Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays

Is your daughter still on her school hols
OP?

Yes, not in the uk

She hasn’t said

Oh, OP I get you. Things change and it’s hard. And it will keep changing.

DH used to do an activity one night a week and DD and I had ‘movie night’ where we made popcorn and watched a movie together. But then DH’s activity day and times changed, so it’s the same day DD does something else and later in the evening, and now we only have about 45min after he leaves and she goes to sleep! And while we could still put on a movie, it’s just not the same when he’s wandering around getting ready to go.

But we find our times where we can and I’m sure we’ll find another routine to enjoy. And you will too.

We do the movie nights too 🤗

And just the two of you today?

Yes @Sorejaws Why? I feel like your questioning is slightly aggressive and a bit creepy