Don’t want Dh to start getting home from work earlier

[Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays]

Dh used to get home from work around 6 onwards, in summer they’ve been going into work earlier and arriving home earlier at 4.30, due to the heat. They’ve all decided they prefer this at his workplace and will stick with these hours.
I pick Dd, 6 up from school and am home for 3.30, I really used to enjoy this time for just us, we’d have a snack and cuddle up together on the sofa, read books, watch tv and chat, we’d then maybe play for a bit, take the dog for a walk, then i’d get dinner ready later.
It just takes this away with Dh arriving not long after, changes the dynamic
At weekends we’re all home and also she’s at friends houses or has friends around

Aibu to be sad at missing this quiet time just for us?

But you haven't 'got' the child, you're doing nothing productive whilst expecting him to do chores. Maybe he wants to sit down too.

I get you but it still feels a bit selfish - maybe your DH also wants to spend some quality time with his family? Surely he hasn’t had that opportunity for cuddles and dog walking etc before.

Awful man, wanting time with his child. Terrible /s

You sound like he's surplus to requirements aside from his paycheck. YABU.

I'd be so pleased if my dh got home earlier, a helping hand from 3-7pm would be so appreciated.

This is one child. Aged 6.

I mean… I don’t suppose it’s too hectic

Not unreasonable to be sad, but obviously he has every right to come home. Maybe you could offer that he could take up a hobby / exercise or see his mates more, either in the afternoon or at the weekend, and you'll generously watch DD 😄

I can understand you enjoyed this time alone with your child. Maybe when it gets dark and cold in the mornings they may revert back

Yes

I hope so 🙏

It isn’t really about him, it’s more that I won’t have that little, special time anymore
Things are already changing with her wanting to play with friends all weekend, which is good and makes her happy. I just miss our time together more and more, it’s changing so much and I realise that’s normal..still hard though

So you don’t want to answer whether this issue aside, the marriage is a healthy happy one, which I suppose is an answer in itself… it isn’t.

OP maybe you should start a thread about what really bothering you re your husband

I would miss that quiet one to one time too, OP. I must admit that if DD was home later, I would also cherish that time with the house to myself. It must be really upsetting to see it disappear.

But you can't ask DH not to come home when he finishes work. Perhaps when the mornings are darker and colder, his workmates will all agree to go back to the normal hours, and this will turn out to be a temporary problem. Hope so.

Meanwhile, you can look for ways to make it a relaxed time. You might suggest that DH takes the opportunity to do some activity he enjoys for an hour or so, or do some food shopping on his way home. But I'd go carefully with that because it is deeply hurtful to feel excluded from your own home and family.

I understand but do feel for your husband a bit, it's a bit like putting him in a box of where he's alowed to be that suits you best tbh. If you like that quiet time with her maybe take turns to have it and you and your husband can have your own leisure time rather than feeling like he's in the way there in his own home bevause he's there outside of the usual "alloted" time.

Personally I love time as a trio with my husband and son, I'd love a bit more of that.

Does your DH ever get 1:1 time with DD?

I totally get this and don’t know what the negative posts are about. My kids are way more chill when it is just me and them. Personally i would love a 4.30 return from work from DH so he can cook dinner hahaha!!! But that’s not happening. But in all seriousness this is not about her DH spending time with his kid etc there has been no mention of that. She just likes the quiet time with her girl after school bonding. That’s nice and shows love and gratitude and wanting her child.

I totally understand this. Can you sort it out so he isn’t always going straight home like does he have hobbies etc or you tweak your quiet time. I would totally tell my husband also, surely most would expect this kind of reaction, at least in jest. I mean come on who are people kidding playing happy families on here.

any now for the raging answers….

but to OP I get this!!!! You do you and your girl. It’s totally fine to want to spend that time with her, it goes too quick!!

Could you not talk to him about it? I know for a fact that if I mentioned something like this to my DH, he would come in, quietly say hello, then and go and keep himself occupied for an hour to give us a bit more time to ourselves.. he does that now anyway in fairness, he says hello, makes us a drink then goes off for a shower, so he has a bit of time to decompress from work before mucking in.

I don't think you've really said why him coming home affects your time with DD so much.. do you have to start fussing round him, making a drink, starting tea etc? Are there problems between you both or in your marriage which is causing an atmosphere.. you may have to think about what the issue is carefully if you want to try and combat it in any way.

Whatever the real issue is, you should fight for that precious time that you have, it won't be like that forever.

Honestly, if my DH said this about me finishing work earlier, I’d be really upset.

It really does 🩵

I obviously won’t say it

@sandyhappypeople why should your DH have less time with DC

Sorry, I wasn’t suggesting you would say it to him. I phrased it badly, I meant if I’d found out he’d said it, or that he felt it.

If you'd made a post in here saying he'd said that, the LTB, how controlling!, it's your home too! Would be off the scale!!

But you'll think it?....

I find it weird as I love it when my DH gets home early. Surely it’s nice that he might get to spend more time with her too?
Some people seem to really find the company of their spouses annoying and I don’t get it!

Because it is about balance.. he likes some 'me' time when he gets in from work and if I was OP I'd like some alone time with the kiddo even after he's come in.. it would work for both parties if they just discussed it.

I know my DH wouldn't mind at all, he naturally takes some time to decompress anyway which is why I suggested OP should talk to her DH, he may like to have the chance to do that.. or he may be one of those DH that comes in and expects everyone to jump to attention and fuss around him.. OP has not been very forthcoming with what he is like.

If I thought my DH would be offended at the suggestion (he wouldn't) or if I knew he loved to walk in and get straight involved (he definitely doesn't!) then I wouldn't even ask.