Wish someone told me about having kids early!

[MissEacek]

I am 36 and I had 2 kids in the last 4 years, only started having kids after 32. I used to think I want to be child free and at 31, the urge to have baby kicked in.
Previous to that I was all focused on going to uni, working, going up the career ladder etc. I was more of competing with peers and sometimes with my DH to get ahead. I was at conferences multiple times a year, drinks with colleagues every Friday and weekends. Having kids never crossed my mind.
Now at 36, I am dealing with a baby and toddler and I desperately want to have a third DC but I feel so exhausted and career has taken a backseat.
I really really wish someone had nudged me earlier about this and I wish I had them earlier then I would have loved to have more, may be 4 who knows. I never knew I would feel so much in love with them and it would like the most wonderful thing in the world.

Where were you? I feel it is constantly drummed into women “no to leave it too late” but life does not work like that. Nothing stopping you having 2 more.

Ugh. Me in my 20's was not set up for children! Also my career wouldn't be where it is with the flexibility and pay that I have now, making it easier to work around the kids.

Children are exhausting no matter what age you have them. I had mine at 30 and 35. The only thing that niggles (and literally just a niggle) is the age I'll be when they grow up, I'll be 53 when my youngest turns 18, my DH will be 58 - right now that seems old, but it probably won't be old when I get there :D

I wouldn't trade the freedom of my 20's for freedom in my 50's

Thank you.
As others have said, there is no perfect time. I had my only child at 19,imo definitely far too young

Considering you didn’t feel ready for children until you were 31, I’m not sure the point of this post? Be grateful you’re a happy mum with healthy children.

I don’t necessarily think it’s an age thing to be honest - surely anybody with 2 young kids and a job would be exhausted? I had DD at 37 and never noticed a difference between myself and the younger mums. Would’ve loved another but with relationship issues and having to go through more IVF it just wasn’t going to be doable.

My DD is 21 and doesn’t want kids until she’s at least 30 - I fully support her in that! It’s normal these days.

I had mine very young so have teenagers in my 30s. I always feel out of place though, most of my friends have toddlers. There’s pros and cons either way.

It's definitely a secret that is hidden in the middle class section of society.

They enjoy judging others, who haven't had a degree or travelled, didn't wait until they had a career established in their mid thirties.

Once they have a baby, they want to be here for them as long as possible, giving birth in your late 30's early 40's to your first child is limiting.

PPs will disagree with me.
It's limiting with grandparent relationships and future grandchildren too.

Well, feel free to blame other people for you not opting in to being some dystopian babydrone with no access to contraception, no agency in planning your pregnancies, no legal basis for refusing sexual consent in marriage, and probably little or no access to mopney.

It's a really weird form of unthinking nostalgia for anyone who is keen on the notion of female equality, but you do you. Maybe think about your grandmother's lack of choice.

My DH's grandmother had 13 live children from 19 pregnancies and stillbirths. She married at 18 and was pretty much pregnant from then until menopause. That someone might find that something they would choose is baffling to me.

Well, you appear to be judging right back?

Are you coming at this from someone in on this “secret” middle class section.

or are you on the outside guessing? @EmeraldShamrock000

I think my generation were completely ripped off with the 'having it all' bullshit. There are a very few, very rare women who apparently manage to make that work but everyone else in the world feels they're shortchanging/being shortchanged somewhere. I genuinely do not believe it's possible to be able to give maximum input or as much attention as necessary to child rearing, working, relationship, fulfilling lifestyle and various other responsibilities if you're doing all of those things. When I was a working mother there was no physical way to give all the time I needed to in all areas. The amount of hours simply didn't exist and it was absolutely miserable to know I was dropping balls everywhere. I have a friend who thinks she does do it all and is very proud of it - I won't visit her house because it's fucking disgusting to the point of being a health hazard. Quite literally dog shit all over the floor and not a square inch of space available on any surface because of crap dumped all over it. They eat takeaway at least four times per week. She might be great at splitting her time between her work and kids but there's absolutely nothing else at all that she's getting done in her life. Rarely sees husband.

You wouldn’t have listened.

Nor, may you have been ready for it, or felt the same, at that point in your life.

And for this reason, you did the right thing!

But you didn’t want them before you were 31. Would you really have listened to someone trying to tell you otherwise?

I used to think I want to be child free

And you think people should have been telling you to have babies, and have them early? No ta. I'd rather respect women's choices when they state them, even if they change over time. PLEASE don't tell young women to have them sooner. I had one, later than you, after wanting to be child-free. I don't wish anyone had tried to change my mind.

Where is this “chant”? Who says that?

How is being a “strong independent woman” incompatible with motherhood.

Sounds like manosphere fan fiction.

Fair play to you posting about this.
It impacts many women with the MC mindset.
Luckily you didn't have fertility problems or wait until you were 36, when it is harder to get pregnant.
Threads on here about class have posters falling over themselves to say that they were 39, but felt 25 giving birth.

I used to think I want to be child free and at 31, the urge to have baby kicked in.

so really nothing to do with anyone or anything else aside from you OP as to why you started at 32. You didn’t want to

My grandmother didn't have her children out of lack of choice and I'll thank you to keep your uninformed opinions about my family to yourself.

Everything else you stated is ignored based on this alone. Have a wonderful day.

I was 29 and 35, not a young mum.

Dont think anyone telling you or nudging you would have had any effect. That has to come from the inside. Also, you would have had a different experience if you had them at a different stage of your life.

'Having it all' actually means 'doing it all' - people don't tell us that, either

If it makes you feel better I’ve been pregnant most of my 20s (this is the last one at 27) and I feel like I missed out on a lot of fun stuff. Also found out I was pregnant a few days before I was due to go to a tequila festival I’d been looking forward to all year. I am also always tired. There’s pros and cons to it all.

Why on earth would you want 14? It’s not practical, responsible or ethical. I have 5 siblings and even that feels like too many! By the time DM got to child number 6 she was burnt out and exhausted.