Page 10 | Wish someone told me about having kids early!

PollyBell · 04/09/2025 22:01

Did you now realise yourself you could have children at any age, i really don't see why you needed to be told this by somome else at any age

UnintentionalArcher · 04/09/2025 23:04

Anabla · 03/09/2025 17:23

So many people tie themselves in knots on here trying to base the right time to have children based on hypothetical what it's and trying to engineer the perfect situation that's it a wonder people have children at all. According to many on here to have children you need to make sure that;

You're not too young that you give up your youth
You're not too old because it's selfish or you'll have no energy
That you're own parents aren't too old and you'll be the "right age" to care for them
That your children will be the "right age" when it comes to caring for you
That your not too old when your children have children
That you have the right age gap for your children. Not too close together so that you ruin your body but not too far apart they won't get on.
You shouldn't have an only child as they will be "lonely" but you shouldn't have more than two or three children either due to impact on the environment.

The thing is as long as women ovulate (and with the advances in medicine), women will continue to have children at all ages, just as they always have done. There is no right age to have a child. None of us have crystal balls to know about how long we will live or our parents, about the level of care any of us will need or even if your children will have children. Not to mention the other stresses and challenges life throws along the way.

You could have your children in your 20s and then missed out on the freedom of this period of time or have them later and wish you'd had them earlier. It really is swings and roundabouts. My job working in elderly social work has shown me there is no ideal time or scenario that exists. There's people who maybe had them later and their children are now caring for them at a younger age while juggling family and career. Then there is them that had them younger and their children are at retirement age and dealing with their own health problems, ageing parents and supporting their own grandchildren. Neither situation is ideal.

All we can do is deal with the here and now. The most important thing for children is to have parents who are emotionally and financially stable and in stable relationships with our partners to support them and for many of us that comes later than it does for others.

Loved reading your list!

theprincessthepea · 04/09/2025 23:29

It’s easy to think that the grass may be greener - but if you didn’t have the urge for kids, then you don’t have the urge. You have 2, and I would count my blessings.

I have 1 in my 20s and 1 in my 30s. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Most of my friends that had their children young catch up with their social lives in their 30s/40s when the kids are older - and they tend to catch up on a career. I agree there is an element of naivety and high energy that makes being a young f mum slightly easier.

In my 30s, I know I am not old but pregnancy really took a toll on me, I noticed the impact on my career more and I am definitely more tired - but I am so much more emotionally ready and financially ready - and I don’t feel the fomo as much as I did when I was a younger mum.

Either way - life works out just as it is meant to be.

Thalia31 · 04/09/2025 23:33

MissEacek · 03/09/2025 14:56

I am 36 and I had 2 kids in the last 4 years, only started having kids after 32. I used to think I want to be child free and at 31, the urge to have baby kicked in.
Previous to that I was all focused on going to uni, working, going up the career ladder etc. I was more of competing with peers and sometimes with my DH to get ahead. I was at conferences multiple times a year, drinks with colleagues every Friday and weekends. Having kids never crossed my mind.
Now at 36, I am dealing with a baby and toddler and I desperately want to have a third DC but I feel so exhausted and career has taken a backseat.
I really really wish someone had nudged me earlier about this and I wish I had them earlier then I would have loved to have more, may be 4 who knows. I never knew I would feel so much in love with them and it would like the most wonderful thing in the world.

Nope you couldn't pay me to have children in my 20s you are only young once I'm so glad I had a life and memories before having children

WhereAreAllTheHairBobbles · 05/09/2025 00:31

I had my first at 20. No money no career. Parenting was a blast and felt a doddle. I had a dead end Job with no commitment minimum wage didnt stress about anything.I could do all the pick.ups and drop offs , clubs etc. I never felt exhausted or overwhelmed

I then had more dcs in my mid to late 30s. And I can say 1 thing. It's so much bloody harder ! Age definitely plays a part. I still get to do everything like pick ups, drop offs and clubs as I wfh.

But it's definitely more exhausting . Schools want so much more than they did 15 years or so ago.
Always something to remember or be at the school for last year alone each dc had 10 different events to do at school/ assemblies / sports/ dress up days it went on and on. So that was 20 events in a 36 week school year.
If I worked in an office I couldn't of gone to it all that's for sure.

HoppingPavlova · 05/09/2025 00:42

I believe 32yo is pretty average these days, so you are in no way an ‘older parent’. I had my first at 31.5yo and was one of the younger parents at the school gate.

We went on to have a tribe and it was hard with DH and I both working full time and looking after kids full time (we didn’t use any external care, except the school readiness preschool aspect a few days once each turned 3yo), also had no family anywhere near. Was hard, draining but doable.

Absolutely no way we would choose to go back in time and have kids earlier. I really had to get to a certain point in the career ladder before even contemplating it/it being feasible, and that then allowed me to dictate to a certain level of that things worked around me, not the other way. Having them earlier, my career would have been in the toilet before it started. Financially, that timing worked out much better for ourselves and our kids benefited from that, so zero regrets all round.

BeAzureRaven · 05/09/2025 01:20

MissEacek · 03/09/2025 14:56

I am 36 and I had 2 kids in the last 4 years, only started having kids after 32. I used to think I want to be child free and at 31, the urge to have baby kicked in.
Previous to that I was all focused on going to uni, working, going up the career ladder etc. I was more of competing with peers and sometimes with my DH to get ahead. I was at conferences multiple times a year, drinks with colleagues every Friday and weekends. Having kids never crossed my mind.
Now at 36, I am dealing with a baby and toddler and I desperately want to have a third DC but I feel so exhausted and career has taken a backseat.
I really really wish someone had nudged me earlier about this and I wish I had them earlier then I would have loved to have more, may be 4 who knows. I never knew I would feel so much in love with them and it would like the most wonderful thing in the world.

You can have more--if you can afford it, go for it! Yes, you'll be tired for a few years. But it goes so quickly. I had two, and then twins at 40.

BeAzureRaven · 05/09/2025 01:29

ItcanbeDone · 04/09/2025 19:13

There are definitely pros and cons to having babies young and old! I had my first at 17, and was pregnant with my last two (I think lol) at 43. and a few in-between!
I have been pregnant in my teens, 20's, 30's and 40's, and all of them had their ups and downs! Best pregnancies were the later ones!

When I was in my teens, I can honestly say yes I had bags more energy, I could do the night feeds without a care and I loved playing my game-cube with my baby on my lap lol.

I was still working full time, have been since 16 and while I did find the baby stuff easy (my first boy was an easy baby!) I did miss my friends and I wished I had more money to treat him! I never had a career, just always worked and made 'just enough!'

Now in my 40s I love the baby stages just as much, way more knackered, my girl was born with Down Syndrome, but oh she is our families sunshine, and while I am way more knackered, I am also happier because I can take all my kids away for holidays and spoil them a bit!

Your kids are your kids because of who you are when you had them so don't go regretting it. All my kids are so very different, from my almost 27 yr old to my 2 yr old! lol My girl with the DS rules all of them!

You are an inspiration! Congrats on your brood!

OliveWah · 05/09/2025 01:35

@MissEacek - are you saying that if someone had said to you when you were 21 that "you should have a baby right now", you would have reconsidered your 'childfree' status and immediately set about trying to procreate? Doubtful. Far more likely you'd have laughed in their face! Women are constantly told about fertility declining with age, so unless you've lived your entire life free of education and/or the news, I'm surprised "no one" has ever told you.

MiddleAgeRageMonster · 05/09/2025 06:26

I had my two at 23 (just!) and 26. Now I'm 41 with an 18 and 15 year old and personally I couldn't imagine anything worse than starting parenting now.
I have had a few health conditions that have drastically reduced my energy levels over the last few years, I am thankful that I was out of the trenches raising young children or I would have really struggled.
I don't think enough emphasis is placed on maternal health as women get older. Of course a baby at 41+ is perfectly possible and probably not much harder than a baby at 21 but a tween/teen in your* *late 40's/early 50's will take it out of you! Naturally this would be the time in your life you would be slowing down or enjoying your free time abseiling, horse riding or cruising!!! Whatever floats your boat. Just because society approves of pregnancy in your late 30's+ does mean we have caught up biologically.

superbakedpotato · 05/09/2025 07:40

I recently had my first at 30, and feel completely the same. I am constantly thinking, I could have had three by now if I'd known 😆

But like you, I never had any "urge" to have babies before that either, and maybe if I had a baby earlier I wouldn't have enjoyed it all as much as I do now. The fact you're so in love with motherhood is perhaps just a sign that everything happened exactly when it was supposed to.

kalokagathos · 05/09/2025 08:05

In 80s Poland we all knew that. They would drum into us to have kids by 35 due to egg quality deteriorating. I was conscious of it since 14 years old. And we all would start going to gyno check ups since 15 so it’s common knowledge. I had my first daughter at 27. Attitudes relaxed and solutions to having a child later improved since then so you can still enjoy more motherhood. Don’t stress!

RedPony1 · 05/09/2025 08:53

There's 10 years between me and my brothers, mum had me at 35. She says the opposite, she wishes she had all hers in her 30's and not in her 20's

RubySquid · 05/09/2025 09:04

Thalia31 · 04/09/2025 23:33

Nope you couldn't pay me to have children in my 20s you are only young once I'm so glad I had a life and memories before having children

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So that makes it sound as though once you have kids your life stops.

I did have mine in my 20s. Now I've been free of little kids for many years at 53. Whiles others are still dealing with teenagers and even some with primary aged kids

I travel, work as I like, mortgage paid off etc.I feel I still have " a life"

Sworkmum · 05/09/2025 09:11

Ok so, I am the same age as you with 2 teens. I am the opposite end staring at just 16 (too early). In some senses now I’m glad, I can go out, they don’t need babysitting and are in some ways self sufficient to an extent.
however both have SEN, and so still need a fair amount of parenting above and beyond their peers. I have had to clinb the ladder career wise whilst juggling these 2 otherwise I’d be way behind everyone now. It’s been rough, it’s still tough.

so as others said there is no perfect time. There are some benefits but I never got those carefree years of freedom, nights out, weekends away. I can do them a bit now but often too exhausted to!

Cherryicecreamx · 05/09/2025 10:21

Daintydino · 03/09/2025 14:59

There really is no perfect time OP. I beat myself up because I had mine very young and didn’t have the same experience most older mums have but then I look at the positives of having them younger. You just take the positives from your own situation.

I agree. Had mine young and I wasn't properly "ready". I think focusing on your career and self first is wise. It's harder doing this once you have kids.

Hollietree · 06/09/2025 08:13

I’d say that’s a very average age to have babies in London. I had my three kids at 31, 33 and 36. I was the youngest in my NCT group at 31.

I’m so happy that I had them in my thirties, I’d never have been able to afford to have children if I’d had them in my twenties, or provide them with the life they have now. And I think babies/toddlers are exhausting whatever age you have them. If you really want a third then just go for it.

PS it’s a lot less exhausting now I’m in my forties and the kids are aged 8 and upwards.

CommonAsMucklowe · 09/09/2025 19:51

Why three? Surely two is enough to be dealing with?