Ex partner handing care of our daughter over to her mother and I'm not happy about it.

[Neil90]

I apologise that this is long but I'm a dad in need of some advice from anyone who's been through similar or knows how it works.

I have an 8 year old daughter with my ex partner, we share custody 50/50 this was mutually agreed 7 years ago when we split.

Fine relationship we get along fine and never usually have any disagreements about our daughter

Last week ex decided to start doing overnight care work so she stays in the client's home all night with them and due to this has decided to give our daughter to her mother to care for whilst its her time, I've told her im not happy with this and that if she is not able to or does not wish to care for our daughter then she is to come to me full time, her mother is a nice lady but chain smokes in her flat, its a tiny one bedroom cluttered flat in a rough area and im not happy with my daughter living there 50% of the time.

The main issues I've pointed out to ex are

I'm not happy with her being stuck in a small flat with someone who chain smokes, there are health problems linked to excessive second hand smoke.

The condition of the flat, its messy and cluttered and generally not in great condition.

Daughter does not have a bedroom in the flat, she's sleeping on the sofa whilst keeping her clothes in a duffle bag, i seen my daughter yesterday and she stinks of smoke.

There is some young lads who have a flat on her street, little thugs who are in all sorts of trouble but the real issue is that they have two big alligators that run loose on the street with no control whatsoever, I'm sick with the thought of one of them getting my daughter because she wouldn't stand a chance against them.

I'm also just not happy that she's going to be raised by a grandparent half the time whilst she has a loving family here that can take care of her.

I'm married with a step child who is 9, my daughter gets on great with her step mum and step sister so no problems in that area, she has a lovely room here all to herself and a garden full of toys etc, she's able to ride her bike and be a child whilst here but when she's with her grandma she's stuck in a tiny one bed flat and can't go outside due to rough people on the street and the dogs.

My ex is refusing to let me have our daughter full time as she feels like she won't be a parent if I have her all the time, I'm more than happy for her to see daughter whenever she wishes with absolutely no restrictions, she's welcome in my home, welcome to take daughter whenever she likes and call whenever she likes, have her when she's off work and holidays but she's standing firm and refusing this.

We've never been to court over daughter before as we've always had a fine relationship and put her first but im thinking court will be my only option. Does anyone with experience of this know how it would go? Is it likely to go in my favour?

I'm worried because I have autism, high functioning autism but a good lawyer could easily make me fold under pressure in court, i own my own home and business, im a good dad and husband and my daughter has never came in to danger or anything like that in my care but a lawyer would have nothing else to use against me apart form my autism and I would 100% get overwhelmed in court under the pressure.

Have you actually read the OP’s posts??
There was a 50/50 care arrangement in place, child is now spending ALL of mum’s custody time with her grandmother - living there. With no bed. And nowhere to keep her belongings. Child has expressed her unhappiness with this arrangement.

Despite care being 50/50, op has been paying his child’s mother £250 per week.

How exactly do you think he is creating a narrative to suit himself?

Are you joking?! Lots of parents manage to work without sending their kid to live with grandparents!

She isn’t accessing childcare, she’s handed over the custody of her child to the grandparent on a permanent basis because she doesn’t want the child passed between three homes. She has absolutely no right to do this - grandma doesn’t have PR, the OP and his ex do, and there is no court order granting custody to the grandma, so OP is perfectly within his right to contest it.

His ex is claiming benefits - there will be significant allowances paid for the fact that she has a child - except that that child is no longer living at home. So apart from anything else it’s benefit fraud. You really should read the thread before commenting because what you’re saying here is very different to what’s actually happening.

Read the thread. She has given full custody of DD to the grandmother. There is no court order granting this so OP is within his rights to contest it. And OP is helping. Despite 50/50 custody he’s paying £1000 a month to his ex. Think about that, and the other top ups mum will be getting on UC for the child. A child who now doesnt live with her.

RTFT 🙄

Your ex is being completely unreasonable OP. If she isn't willing or able to look after your daughter, then your daughter would be much better off with you and her stepmum full time. Her mum could visit and take her on days out etc whenever she wants.
I don’t have experience of this, so I could be wrong, but I would be shocked if a court allowed a child to live 50 percent of the time with a grandparent, without a bed and while breathing in cigarette smoke all the time, when she has a father and stepmother who are happy to have her full time. In your position I would.definitely go to court. The residence arrangement was between you and her mother not you and her grandmother so it's a completely different situation now. Best of luck, you sound like a good father and I'm sorry you've been getting a hard time on here.