To feel like an outcast because my child is the only child who doesn't go to nursery school all day :(

[rainbowprincesschapell]

Gosh i am in floods of tears and i know this IS unreasonable reaction. My DD attends a small school in the Nursery for half days and is 3.5. I am currently a single parent on LCWRA the reasons i won't go into but have posted before.

It seems like now the new rules have come in (which i know are great) she is the only one coming home at lunch time. Even if she did qualify for 30 hours we are happy with half days.

I feel like such a failure. Like i have a label on my head and she on hers.

we would both rather be at home together until she starts school next september. In some ways want her to grow up but obviously i do. we do enriching activities durning the afternoon. Her Dad does work more than full time but we are not together. Would she be better with him i don't know.

Is anyone else in this situation please that feels similar?

One of my favourite mum’s ever, who I met at a toddler group, didn’t send any of her kids to pre-school / nursery. Her attitude was they got enough exposure to other kids through extended family, play dates and siblings. And they were better off with her. All her kids were delightful and none struggled to transition to school. There isn’t a right or wrong way really - and you won’t stop second guessing yourself so you need to get used to it !! (Next will be choice of primary, then choice of secondary, then helping them with options choices etc etc).

Then you need to check-in to your empathy levels or else you've never experienced shameful feelings for being different in your life.

OP, you sound like a loving caring mother, you're rocking it, use the time to learn that no-one really cares, how often do you judge others for no reason? Probably never. Most people are the same, busy worrying about their own situations. Look for confidence building tips online.
Keep climbing.

I worked shifts when my now 16 and 18 year olds were tiny. The eldest went to school and for the youngest, on a Sunday night I had to text a groups of school mums who were childminders to see who could have him on the days I was working that week. I couldn’t afford to pay for full time child care and no one would just have him on the shifts I worked understandably as he would be taking up a full time place but I would only need some of the hours. So each day he would say where am I going today and I would say Julie’s or wherever. He ended up super social and great with talking to adults.
My children have been well fed as I’m funny about food, well educated but in a lot of ways dragged up and neglected due to my shift work (single parent, unhelpful dad).
They have lived to tell the tale and are amazing kids. We laugh about it all now. Things don’t have to be perfect. As long as they are loved and you are doing your best then great. As it happens I think part time at nursery sounds great anyway. Much more settled and normal than my youngest experienced.
Obviously all kids are different and what works for one doesn’t work for another but I think your situation sounds absolutely fine.

Yeah me too.

OP I think it may be worth speaking to a friend or your GP, mental health is so important.

I have no idea what the other kids at my son’s nursery do, I’m sure some come later and leave earlier - I don’t notice or care! I pick my son up and we live our life!

Do what works for you.

Or at least unfit for work if she has limited capacity to work on UC.

I don’t think you need to worry, anyone who is eligible for 15 rather than 30 hours funding from age three will probably make the same choice, it’s just that they don’t happen to use the same pre-school as you do. As long as your daughter is happy at the nursery and she’s well looked after there then I don’t think she is missing out.

You're not failing.
Loads of kids only go part time to nursery. Mine did- nothing to do with money, I just wanted to spend that extra time with them before they started school.
No one knows your situation unless you tell them. Even then, why would they think less of you?
Don't rush into getting a full time job, you'll never get this special time with your kid again - soon they'll be off to big school when you can then up your hours.
Be kind to yourself and tell anyone who's nasty to fuck off.

Not every disability is the same.

So?

Well quite. So?

Honestly, noone cares who goes to nursery part time. Pretty sure JK Rowling and Oprah Winfrey and many others were single mums on social benefits omce upon a time, regardless of whether you like them or not.
The early years of child rearing are hard graft in itself. Good things will come in time. If you dont like being on benefits then start thinking about what you would like to work towards doing.
I know people that started out like you and have retrained in law, started a cleaning business, got retrained in office management, or catering etc when their kids were old enough to go to school after being at home with them. You can change your situation with time if thats what you want. But dont feel bad about right now.

Oprah Winfrey doesn't have children.

I work and my two did half days at nursery, I used to work mornings ... there really isn't any conclusions to jump to from her doing half days.

And no-one else will know anyway if they are picking up in the afternoon they have no way of knowing if you were there 3 hours earlier or 3 minutes.

i'm on LCWRA currently yes.

She obviously can't work so your point is useless.

Your posts are always so kind, @VickyEadieofThigh

I didnt say she had to work. Stop being weird.

So all disabilities are different, and some disabled people have a higher capacity for work than others. But you know that, of course.

Yeah I dont get the point but OK. I never said she must work, you're all being a bit odd.

OP, I think I may understand part of what you feel.
I, too, was once married with a good job and had a pretty good quality of life.
By the time my twins were ready for nursery, I was on my own with them, in a grotty flat, on UC (also LCWRCA). I felt so ashamed.
But, honestly, no-one at nursery batted an eyelid that my two were only in until lunchtime. No-one.
And, it worked for them, as we did a lot of outdoor activities, mini adventures or arts and crafts in the afternoon.
It was a beautiful time and I cherish those memories (conveniently forgetting how tough the days were with hyperactive twins, now support and a shit ex!).
You're doing what you can with what you've got, so please cut yourself some slack.
X

OP, I think I may understand part of what you feel.
I, too, was once married with a good job and had a pretty good quality of life.
By the time my twins were ready for nursery, I was on my own with them, in a grotty flat, on UC (also LCWRCA). I felt so ashamed.
But, honestly, no-one at nursery batted an eyelid that my two were only in until lunchtime. No-one.
And, it worked for them, as we did a lot of outdoor activities, mini adventures or arts and crafts in the afternoon.
It was a beautiful time and I cherish those memories (conveniently forgetting how tough the days were with hyperactive twins, now support and a shit ex!).
You're doing what you can with what you've got, so please cut yourself some slack.
X

You said no one was stopping her from getting a job. I’m assuming her disability is stopping her from getting a job. That’s the point.

Hey, you are flapping around in a worry whirlpool, bless u
don’t compare what hours your DD does to others, no one cares and judges - if they do, that’s weird and that’s on them !
it’s fab you have the afternoons with your DD, she will be in school full time soon enough and u never get those afternoons again !
it sounds like you have had incredibly difficult circumstances come your way, and that you care so much about being a good mum and doing the right things,
ease off the self judgement if u can, sounds like you are doing amazing-
your DD is lucky to have u

I think you need to see this post as a reset OP.
Your perception is that everyone is judging you for your perceived failure.
In reality your daughter is happy, you can enjoy relaxed afternoons with her and as you can see from the comments - no one would be giving your situation a second thought.
Keep your thoughts as simple as possible.
Do what you can, seek joy from simple pleasures - sunny days, walks in the park, a happy daughter.
Remind yourself of this thread if you feel that you are being judged. You’re not! x