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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like an outcast because my child is the only child who doesn't go to nursery school all day :(

155 replies

rainbowprincesschapell · 03/09/2025 12:08

Gosh i am in floods of tears and i know this IS unreasonable reaction. My DD attends a small school in the Nursery for half days and is 3.5. I am currently a single parent on LCWRA the reasons i won't go into but have posted before.

It seems like now the new rules have come in (which i know are great) she is the only one coming home at lunch time. Even if she did qualify for 30 hours we are happy with half days.

I feel like such a failure. Like i have a label on my head and she on hers.

we would both rather be at home together until she starts school next september. In some ways want her to grow up but obviously i do. we do enriching activities durning the afternoon. Her Dad does work more than full time but we are not together. Would she be better with him i don't know.

Is anyone else in this situation please that feels similar?

OP posts:
Bearbookagainandagain · 03/09/2025 12:13

I'm not sure I fully understand your issue. Plenty of children go to nursery part time. No one cares.

Original poster
rainbowprincesschapell · 03/09/2025 12:14

thank you ...🙏

OP posts:
AncientHarpy · 03/09/2025 12:15

What exactly is your issue, though? Your child goes to nursery PT. You're happy with that. Yet you're crying and feeling like a failure?

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/09/2025 12:16

I'm struggling to understand what the issue is?

Even if she qualified for the 30 hours, you said you wouldn't send her anyway and are happy with half days....so why the tears? I don't understand.

Maybe focus on the fact that you are happy with half days instead of what other people are doing.

Whereland · 03/09/2025 12:16

What label?

Comedycook · 03/09/2025 12:17

Are you ok op? This isn't really an issue...and absolutely no one would think you're an outcast because your DC isn't in full time nursery.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2025 12:18

What?

Mine went for 2 mornings a week for the year before school and was with me the rest of the time. Was I a failure? It suited our family, DD thrived, everyone was happy.

Can you explain the issue?

Edenmum2 · 03/09/2025 12:18

I don’t understand why you would be upset about spending time with your daughter? What does the imaginary label on your head say? I genuinely don’t understand. I know loads of children that go for all different times, I would never even think to have an opinion on it. Just enjoy your daughter before she goes to school! I also have a 3.5 year old the thought of THAT is terrifying!

justthecat · 03/09/2025 12:18

She’s getting the best of both worlds, she’s playing and socialising with her friends and has quality time with you

DiscoBob · 03/09/2025 12:18

Why do you think it's shameful or upsetting that she does half days?

You said you and her are happy with that arrangement. Nobody else would notice or care.

And how do you know for certain that absolutely everyone does full days every day of the week?

As long as she enjoys her time there that's all that matters.

bunnypenny · 03/09/2025 12:18

The only person putting a label on you and your child’s heads is you. Honestly no one will notice/care. I couldn’t tell you how often any of the other children at my children’s nursery were in. Don’t create issues for yourself when there are none.

Jankled · 03/09/2025 12:19

Everyone I know, I guess just by where I live and meeting friends through my job, works and qualifies for 30 hours but plenty don't send their children to nursery for full days. My children have always done a mix of half and full days. Is your child really the only one?

KatieKat88 · 03/09/2025 12:19

Is it possible to switch to 2 full days and 1 half rather than solely doing mornings? Just to get the experience of what a full day feels like before starting reception. I was a SAHM and mine did this, we saw family/did classes/ visited places in the other half of the week and it was a great balance. If you have to stick to mornings that still achieves the above though.

PrancingBean · 03/09/2025 12:19

I think part of being a parent is constantly worrying that you’re doing the wrong thing. There will be others there, using the full 30 hours and wondering whether they should And people who have to wishing they weren’t, I bet. And others very happy with using them all!

We’re all different. It sounds like you’ve found what works for you and your child and that’s a great thing ☺️

Complet · 03/09/2025 12:20

Is there something else going on here? Do you struggle a lot with what you perceive others think of you?

I have no idea which children at nursery go in when. I don’t even know half the children or their parents who go there!!!

MoonriseKingdom · 03/09/2025 12:21

What a bizarre reaction. Both my children went to school nursery 15 hours when we could have had 30 funded hours. My school nursery did 2 full and 1 half days. Their days off coincided with my days off and I loved those days. Best of both worlds!

Original poster
rainbowprincesschapell · 03/09/2025 12:21

the replies are helpful. thank you.

My issue is that i'm a single mum on universal credit and i am ashamed of my situation and feel like i am letting my daughter down.

So probably my ego and pride because i was once married with a good job etc. It feels like the parents are either couples with one parent at least working full time or single parents who can sort themselves out and graft.

Im not OK really, I feel crazy and paranoid and terrified of changes.

i really appreciate those who have reassured

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 03/09/2025 12:21

Why would your DD be better off living with her dad who works very long hours? This makes no sense.

KawasakiBabe · 03/09/2025 12:22

I seriously doubt anyone has an opinion. I never even noticed what other kids were doing, tbh I don’t recognise a single child or parent my dc went to nursery with.

DinaofCloud9 · 03/09/2025 12:23

Is this some weird brag that you care more about your child than those who have their child in nursery all day?

arethereanyleftatall · 03/09/2025 12:23

I don’t get why this would make you feel like a failure.

ChangeOfNameAujourdhui · 03/09/2025 12:23

You’ve got the perfect arrangement. There will be children who are at nursery for the full day who don’t want to be away from their mum or dad all that time. It’s exactly the arrangement I had for my kids. They were extremely well adjusted for starting school. I think we programmed to look for things to feel guilty about. Give yourself permission not to worry about this.

Moonnstars · 03/09/2025 12:23

I think you are the only one thinking negatively here, unless I have missed something and someone has said something to you questioning it?
I am sure there are plenty of other children who go part time in other settings, and there will be some children who don't go to nursery at all. No one needs to know your situation unless you specifically tell them.

Talk to your GP about anxiety and paranoia though to see if you can access any support.

Original poster
rainbowprincesschapell · 03/09/2025 12:24

Is this some weird brag that you care more about your child than those who have their child in nursery all day?....

NO!!!!! It's almost the opposite!

OP posts:
Chobby · 03/09/2025 12:24

Mine only ever went to nursery part time and I don’t think anyone else noticed/cared TBH!

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