Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

441 replies

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

OP posts:
Jobinterviewsandwich · 03/09/2025 15:15

What did the other son say re his brother’s outburst?

Will Eileen be able to (if not scared) confirm that she gave permission for the spoon to be used?

In these circumstances I’d be prepared to make a police report due to aggressive behaviour. After all this is your workplace, if he’d done that in a building with security he’d have been frogmarched away.

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 15:19

VoltaireMittyDream · 03/09/2025 15:03

Omg, what a paranoid inference and a shitty thing to say

Show quote history

You’re rude!

YumYa · 03/09/2025 15:19

@SackedByaSpoon that's abhorrent.

A friend of mine was once accused of stealing from an elderly woman's home. She almost had a nervous breakdown. Turns out family were stealing. The ones who accused her. Working in people's homes alone comes with so much responsibility.

I'm glad you're taking steps. And one ds is ok?

Anyahyacinth · 03/09/2025 15:19

Just wanted to thank you for doing such important work, genuinely sorry that man was abusive. Be sure to coddle yourself that must have been awful 💐💐💐💐

YumYa · 03/09/2025 15:20

I agree re police

nosleepforme · 03/09/2025 15:23

ThejoyofNC · 03/09/2025 14:28

The son isn't her employer so he can't sack her.

Show quote history

Well that’s obvious! But the thread title says sacked

dottydaily · 03/09/2025 15:26

he sounds vile.perhaps a contract update to ensure he is not present when you are at the home. Its very difficult to get good staff especially where a level of care is required, so i hope for the ladys sake you can continue working there.

WaitWhatWhatWait · 03/09/2025 15:27

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 15:19

You’re rude!

Show quote history

I actually think your post was ruder!

Beenwhereyouareagain · 03/09/2025 15:32

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Your user name is quite apt- clear it out and stop stirring it up.

PrincessFrederica · 03/09/2025 15:37

I am really sorry you were subject to this aggressive and unreasonable behavior from the son. I would consider filing a police report, actually.

MadinMarch · 03/09/2025 15:42

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

FFS!!!
There's nothing strange about the wording and it's perfectly clear that OP has never stolen from her employers.

tuvamoodyson · 03/09/2025 15:43

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Don't be ridiculous!

Rosscameasdoody · 03/09/2025 15:49

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 15:19

You’re rude!

Show quote history

Which is to be expected in response to stupid and unnecessary comments which have no relevance to the issue.

lilylooleelala · 03/09/2025 15:54

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

This exactly.

1clavdivs · 03/09/2025 16:01

Son was looking for an excuse to kick off at you because he wants your employment ended and his 'inheritance' secure. I agree with telling Eileen you can only attend when he isn't there.

Becky37 · 03/09/2025 16:03

@SackedByaSpoon

Under no circumstances return to the house alone again untill adult social services have made contact. This kind of situation would be no lone working for carers or community nurses. The way he reacted is unstable at best and could escalate at worse. You must not return to that house.

mycatismyworld · 03/09/2025 16:07

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

I find your interpretation of OP's wording very strange.

samplesalequeen · 03/09/2025 16:08

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Wow just wow

Nodecaffallowed · 03/09/2025 16:10

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Fionasapples · 03/09/2025 16:11

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Oh for God's sake. Bored today, are you?

Clearinguptheclutter · 03/09/2025 16:12

if the other son is on your side that's good. Not clear if you have spoken to him .Hopefully he knows his brother is a bully. Good idea to call eileen when the other brother wont be there and ask her what she thinks of the situation. You haven't been sacked but you may need to consider resigning (hopefully not though)

Blueskies77 · 03/09/2025 16:16

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

100% agree. Wonder if it’s worth reporting to non emergency police line too due to threatening and intimidating behaviour

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/09/2025 16:18

I’d be careful he doesn’t make an allegation that you have stolen something, even if not true it will be more hassle

This is also trrue, but then it would be up to Eileen - whose property it would be - to insist that this was nonsense

Which is surely where a conversation with her comes in, if only to discover just how much she's under the thumb of this wretched man

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 03/09/2025 16:21

ZenNudist · 03/09/2025 11:17

Also YY to reporting to adult social services. Elder abuse us real. Poor Eileen.

I think this is so true; I also agree with @Evenstar (lovely name, from a fellow LOTR fan!).

The way he's gone about things makes me think he's desperate to get rid of you because you're the only thing protecting his mum from that elder abuse.

Either that or (as I guess he's 50s-60s) it could be the start of some kind of cognitive decline. Although I am prepared for a flaming by making that hackneyed excuse 😂

I hope you get a good outcome.

Nodecaffallowed · 03/09/2025 16:24

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request