Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

441 replies

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

OP posts:
Owly11 · 04/09/2025 16:55

How awful it sounds like you have taken all the right steps. It sounds like the son is the one trying to cheat his mum out of money- a classic case of projection- he accuses you of what he is either doing or planning to do.

rhinosuze · 04/09/2025 17:46

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Do you float around here looking for what you think is an unusual wording so you can just be a little bit unpleasant to somebody?

TheDeftSwan · 04/09/2025 17:48

Do not go back. You had a lucky escape as at some stage something valuable will go missing and they’ll call the police on you and potentially damage your reputation. The son seems unhinged and resents you anyway so in time he could take something just to see you blamed. Let them worry about her appointments going forward. However, you are well within your rights to write to them to request the pay you have not received up to that date.

Angelfe · 04/09/2025 17:53

Personally, I would report the son to the police for assault. He doesn’t have to have physically touched you - just making you fear he might hit you is a S39 assault and is illegal.

BettyBoo000 · 04/09/2025 17:58

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

Sorry you had to deal with that. He must have took his anger out on you and that’s not acceptable. Nor an environment you want to work in under duress no thanks. Make sure you’re paid though. No one has any right in this life to treat or make people feel this way. Im so done with these type of people life’s too short.

Crazyworldmum · 04/09/2025 18:01

What sort of employment is this ? Are you employed by them on what basis ? Were you scared ? You can and should contact the police too . That’s shocking behaviour

RSSN · 04/09/2025 18:02

Go to the police and make a report, to cover yourself. Sounds like he's probably a p*ss useless horrible son and afraid that he'll lose his inheritance to you. I'm not saying that's what ur trying to do you. Sounds like ur just doing ur jobbut prob cos he Sounds like a A hole he's getting worried

TheDeftSwan · 04/09/2025 18:03

RSSN · 04/09/2025 18:02

Go to the police and make a report, to cover yourself. Sounds like he's probably a p*ss useless horrible son and afraid that he'll lose his inheritance to you. I'm not saying that's what ur trying to do you. Sounds like ur just doing ur jobbut prob cos he Sounds like a A hole he's getting worried

Have to agree, just to cover yourself

Vynalbob · 04/09/2025 18:04

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Grammar police perhaps
I'm guessing of course but I read that as I 'haven't even been accused' and I'd suppose that (to all people not likely to pinch things) her been accused is more than her doing it....not less like you're summising.

Onceisenoughta · 04/09/2025 18:11

He sounds unhinged and the way he's behaved over a flaming spoon is nothing short of madness. The things he's said in the past, joking or not, you just don't say out loud - unless you're trying to scare them away or control them - neither of which is acceptable.

I feel sorry for both you and Eileen, that is not the way for a grown man to behave around his mum - although I know someone who did the same - he was a control freak too, a very nasty one and behaved like that towards his mum, wife & daughter. Probably his sister too but she protects him. Both wife and daughter are well out of it, he was my husband.

You have to weigh up whether the job/situation is right for you going forward but I would not want him visiting the property in future when you're there, in fact I would insist.

Beachtastic · 04/09/2025 18:11

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

There's always one 🤣

Beachtastic · 04/09/2025 18:13

OdeToTheNorthWestWind · 04/09/2025 10:01

Not at all, there is clearly something else going on here. My guess would be that the son is setting up the OP so that when small, valuable items such as jewellery, start to go "missing", there is someone to point the finger at.

Show quote history

I'd be worried that he will try to frame OP so as to get rid of her and/or cover his own sorry arse for helping himself to things he considers "rightfully his", at which point OP's reputation could be at stake.

Ariana12 · 04/09/2025 18:18

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

This. Absolutely. He is of course neither your employer nor her agent and has no right whatsoever to do what he did. And it sounds like assault/ harassment. But I doubt you'll want to take action. Were you employed through an agency?Also if she has capacity and/or there are other children you may want to alert her/them why you can't return.

MustWeDoThis · 04/09/2025 18:20

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

Have you spoken with the police? This is abusive, threatening, intimidating behaviour, unfair dismissal, harassment, potential discrimination for accusing you of theft all the time...you can 100% take this to the police and tell them he frightened you.

Sodthesystem · 04/09/2025 18:20

I'd bet he hid or stole the watch because he is attempting to isolate her and steal from her further. I'd defiantly be putting in for a home check for her. Her son is dodgy af.

LottieBrighton1981 · 04/09/2025 18:28

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

how unnecessarily insulting to op, querying her wording on something that is clearly deeply upsetting. I see this kind of thing time and again on MN when people are just seeking help or comfort, so much trolling

TiredAH · 04/09/2025 18:31

Call social services. Eileen is not safe.
Im so sorry.

Falseknock · 04/09/2025 18:41

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

🚨the grammar police is around be careful op. Your words will be twisted as if they are fucking police.

Falseknock · 04/09/2025 18:43

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum.

He needs to look in the mirror and he will see a scrounger.

ruethewhirl · 04/09/2025 18:47

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Oh good grief. Round of applause for the pp who told you to f off. What a weird interpretation to put on OP's words.

Smurfette63 · 04/09/2025 19:04

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

You have to go back, if only to see if the lady is OK. Her son doesn't sound a very nice man and he might have had a go at her too for employing you. It sounds like he thinks more of his inheritance than the care for his mother.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 04/09/2025 19:16

Twas probs the one that was in his gob when he was born. He wanted it back.

Salome61 · 04/09/2025 19:57

Sorry not to see an update, I hope you are OK.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 04/09/2025 19:57

If your in the UK contact social services. I would be concerned for her welfare and it sounds like her son does not want her looked after so he gets his hands on inheritance sooner before she uses her money for herself.

LoremIpsumCici · 04/09/2025 20:00

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

^ Absolutely this.