Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

441 replies

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

OP posts:
Daygloboo · 04/09/2025 00:00

REP22 · 03/09/2025 16:27

That sounds extremely wise, balanced and fair. The best courses of action in the circumstances. Very best wishes to you. x

Show quote history

Yes. A good plan. Make sure she is safe. Speak to SS. And make sure you are safe too.

Bridgetjonesheart · 04/09/2025 00:00

Ring the police or local authority to submit a safeguarding for the poor old woman and flag his accusations to safeguard yourself from further slander against you.

LancashireButterPie · 04/09/2025 00:18

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

It isn't strangely worded at all.

DRose3 · 04/09/2025 01:07

I would contact social services, and the POLICE too to protect both you, and his mum. If this is how he acts in front of his mother to a carer, then I can only imagine what he is like with other people. He sounds unhinged, and dangerous, and I’m willing to bet this is not the first time he has acted aggressively like this. Work shouldn’t feel unsafe, and threatening.

I would also be worried that he would report you to the police for stealing. Also who knows how he is treating or mistreating his mother.

Are you part of a union? I’ve heard ACAS can be hit and miss regarding advice. Review your contract, and consider if you would still feel safe working there.

Good luck, and stay strong.

Thursdayschild2025 · 04/09/2025 01:11

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:37

I think my plan is

  • contact the other son and tell him what happened so he can check on them both
  • make a report to adult social services
  • contact acas and ask them for advice
  • figure out if I want to go back and a safe way to do that, if there is one.

Does that sound reasonable? I've never experienced anything like this and it has properly shaken me.

Edited

All good but you must also file a police report.

"Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds."

PardonMeNot · 04/09/2025 01:25

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Oh FFS. Don’t be ridiculous.

mathanxiety · 04/09/2025 01:48

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

Agree.

Emmafuller79 · 04/09/2025 02:48

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

You sound lovely... The sons a bully who has his eye to the main chance. His mum is vulnereble

contact ACAS for free advise
contact adult services about that poor woman
phone the police about the bully and see what they say

sending you 🥰

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 04/09/2025 07:02

Are there cameras in the house? I worry the son may lie if you speak to the older son.

It’s intimidation. I agree with speaking to the other son as Eileen appears vulnerable and was scared too…is he the one that’s stealing/looking after his inheritance and you could be a witness to it all so got rid in such a dramatic way?

If you get nowhere with adult social services all the police and ask them to do a welfare check!!

Nodecaffallowed · 04/09/2025 08:52

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Nodecaffallowed · 04/09/2025 08:57

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

OdeToTheNorthWestWind · 04/09/2025 10:01

FancyHelper · 03/09/2025 21:58

A spoon? This is all about a spoon? How ridiculous

Not at all, there is clearly something else going on here. My guess would be that the son is setting up the OP so that when small, valuable items such as jewellery, start to go "missing", there is someone to point the finger at.

Steeleydan · 04/09/2025 12:04

OdeToTheNorthWestWind · 04/09/2025 10:01

Not at all, there is clearly something else going on here. My guess would be that the son is setting up the OP so that when small, valuable items such as jewellery, start to go "missing", there is someone to point the finger at.

Show quote history

And I'd guarantee these 'missing ' items are a set up by him

Theyreeatingthedogs · 04/09/2025 12:21

So what happened next?

GAJLY · 04/09/2025 12:33

I've been thinking of you and I wouldn't go back unless they guaranteed the son wouldn't be there. Did you manage to ring Elieen? Was she even aware of what had happened?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/09/2025 12:39

I'm so sorry, the bloody cheek of him.
Unfortunately some members of society see home helpers, carers and cleaners as lowlife thieves, they leave random coins and small notes around as a test before they'll trust the worker.
It's absolutely disgusting.

Waitfortheguinness · 04/09/2025 14:00

You need to phone the police….hes verbally abused you and possibly threatened physical abuse too.
what an awful situation.

JediNinja · 04/09/2025 14:32

OdeToTheNorthWestWind · 04/09/2025 10:01

Not at all, there is clearly something else going on here. My guess would be that the son is setting up the OP so that when small, valuable items such as jewellery, start to go "missing", there is someone to point the finger at.

Show quote history

I agree. This!

Bathingforest · 04/09/2025 15:19

Lady, you are brave. If you and mn crack the code on this one, it will be proper girl power.

Smallsalt · 04/09/2025 15:46

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Oh do fuck off

rainbowstardrops · 04/09/2025 16:01

OdeToTheNorthWestWind · 04/09/2025 10:01

Not at all, there is clearly something else going on here. My guess would be that the son is setting up the OP so that when small, valuable items such as jewellery, start to go "missing", there is someone to point the finger at.

Show quote history

I think you might be right here.

Rosscameasdoody · 04/09/2025 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

This.

Clearoutthecrap · 04/09/2025 16:27

Smallsalt · 04/09/2025 15:46

Oh do fuck off

Show quote history

Delightful. Do you speak to people IRL like that?

Rosscameasdoody · 04/09/2025 16:35

Clearoutthecrap · 04/09/2025 16:27

Delightful. Do you speak to people IRL like that?

Show quote history

The same could be said of your own comment. Do you police other peoples language IRL ?

Smallsalt · 04/09/2025 16:43

Clearoutthecrap · 04/09/2025 16:27

Delightful. Do you speak to people IRL like that?

Show quote history

Pretty much.
I find it generally goes down better than unfounded insinuations of dishonesty .