Parents Begging Their Children… What Happened to Parenting?

[Katherina198819]

Every time I’m out with my children- playgrounds, shops, playgroups, nursery pick-ups- I see it: parents begging their kids. A 3-year-old is playing happily in the sand, having the time of their life. The parent comes over and says, “Would you like to go?” Of course the child shouts “No!”—why wouldn’t they? They want to stay. The parent keeps pleading: “Please, let’s go… Would you like to put on your shoes?” The child gets frustrated; why would they want to put on shoes if they don’t want to leave? It goes on for 15 minutes, sometimes longer, until the child is finally dragged away screaming.

This isn’t a one-off: I see it constantly. We’ve entered a world where parents don’t really parent. They call it “embracing emotions” or “teaching moments”, but in reality, they’re not guiding their kids. Not everything has to be a lesson or an emotional workshop. Sometimes parenting is just about doing, not negotiating.

I think expecting children to make decisions like this sets them up for failure. They don’t understand that you need to go home, cook dinner, or do your tax paperwork; they only know you asked if they wanted to go, and they said no. Parenting isn’t therapy. Sometimes it’s just guidance, plain and simple.

This is why I use the phrase gentle parenting purity spiral. There are lots of good aspects of gentle parenting theory but there are people who take it too far or use it as an excuse for being permissive.

As I said, the girl in question was sitting right next to my daughter in the sandbox. What exactly am I supposed to do: drag my child away so they can beg their kid in private?
Sorry, but maybe I should just bury my face in my phone at playgroups or while queuing for nursery pick-up, like half the parents do, and pretend I don’t see what’s going on.

How bizarre that you think people are enjoying watching misbehaving children.

Yet here you are, reading and commenting; patting yourself on the back and thinking are better than us. Interesting.

Exactly. Always, always, always Say what you mean and mean what you say It stops 75% of arguments, painful negotiations, tantrums and frustrations.

It’s just tickled me because it’s just post after post of users talking about how amazingly great at parenting they are. So clearly parenting isn’t ‘rare’ then 😉 But yes I’m here reading and commenting because I’ve found this thread amusing.

There; you just summed up my issue. You seem to think that when people say they discipline their children, they’re bragging about being amazing parents. Nobody said that. That’s not bragging: that’s called parenting.
I don’t think I’m a good parent just because I discipline my child; I think that’s simply what parenting is.
Constantly asking what the child wants and then being surprised when they act like a child: that’s not parenting, at least not in my opinion

I have to agree OP. Some of the threads on here are eye opening. Parents giving all the power and control over to their kids or teens and then scratching their own heads wondering why their kids are disobedient. Im fed up as well of being out with friends and trying to have adult conversations and their kids interrupting every 5 minutes. At work, I speak with clients who just break off and have a conversation with their kids. It’s just so strange.

Your bar is very low if you think that parents being able to sensibly discipline their own children is 'amazing'. It really is the bare minimum of being a decent parent. Not 'amazing' (because no one has actually bragged that) just decent and sensible.

If you decide to be your child's friend then don't be surprised when they don't give much weight to your opinion because it's just one of several opinions from their 'friends'.

Don't be surprised when your child refuses to do what you ask because they see no reason to obey their 'friends' do they?

Don't be shocked when your child isn't respectful towards you because they don't always respect their friends, do they?

Good for you! I guess your child doesn’t have a social life, doesn’t go to school, or just lives in a bubble? Acting like it’s “cool” not to care how kids behave isn’t edgy: it’s ignorant.

If you’re raising children, you should absolutely care about the kind of people they’ll grow up surrounded by. But hey, I guess selfishness is trendy these days. My bad for being “old-fashioned” and actually giving a damn.

Thank you for this! You really summed up what I was trying to understand about this “parenting technique.” That’s exactly what it is: people are so afraid of seeming harsh (probably because that’s how their own parents were) that they think giving children “options” in situations where the child can obviously say no is somehow “nice.”

Of course there are always exceptions, but based on the majority of parents being good people, surely parent power has to trump children power in the early years, to set clear boundaries?

Agree but it’s all being said from the angle of ‘most parents don’t this anymore’ ‘good parenting like mine is rare’ ‘This is the way you should parent your children’. Clearly this thread shows most people do know the very simple basics of parenting. If people are seen struggling in a ten-minute snapshot it’s likely they are having a bad day or there are other complex factors at play, rather than ‘most people’s parenting isn’t inferior to mine’

Apologies that should say ‘is inferior’

Thank you for all the amazing comments! It’s been great hearing different opinions and stories. I actually feel like I’ve learned a lot about what’s going on in the minds of parents who spend half their day begging their child.

And now, to wrap up my not-so-favourite comments:

1. There is a middle ground between being abusive and letting your kid run wild. Shocking, I know! Parenting doesn’t have to swing to extremes.

1. None of the commenters who discipline their kids are claiming to be amazing parents. Disciplining your child just makes you a parent. Period.

1. No, I’m not a creep watching other families. I’m just aware of my surroundings: it’s crazy what the human mind notices when your face isn’t glued to a smartphone.

Yet not so busy that you have the time to post on here about how uninterested you are in how other people parent, yes?

I agree, they are out there but few and far between up here. I've come across the sweaty/shouty parents much more frequently.

However, there was one time when my daughter was in a play cafe and playing with a small toy in the kitchen area, a 4 or 5 year old girl wanted to play with it and started screaming at her when she wouldn't give it up straight away and then promptly began to swing on my daughter's pony tail, all her mam had to say was "aww sweetheart were you feeling a bit overwhelmed?" I was genuinely gobsmacked by that!

The last permissive parent I came across, and fuck me I could slap her, does not send her children to school. At 9 the oldest cannot read. He wanted a duck so she got him a duck egg about to hatch. One single duck egg (they should never be alone). Then he wanted the duckling to sleep with him. She didn't say no. Lo and behold, he rolled over in his sleep and the duckling died.

No one was allowed to mention the duckling to him because he was so upset. She's got him another one - in fact, one for each of her feral children, none of whom go to school. The oldest is 9, the second is 7 and the last is 4.

None of them are socialized, none know how to share, none go to school.

It is absolutely shocking, I couldn't believe what I saw. Child abuse, as well as animal abuse.

I add, and I am not making this up, she believes in natural consequences. The oldest was not taught not to poke sticks at people's eyes. He stuck a stick in his father's good eye and the father is now completely blind. The father wants nothing to do now with the children.

It's completely fucking unbelievable, but it's true.

I do agree people have no business making assumptions of any kind. It's depressing the way that this seems to be the world we live in now, people making unfair/untrue assumptions about anyone who happens to be entitled to benefits for whatever reason, and I guess all you can do is try to rise above it but I can see how galling it must feel. (I speak as someone with health conditions that are regularly dismissed as things people say to try and swing the lead, that are very real and debilitating in my case, so I can relate to the frustration you describe.)

Are these women white English and lower middle to middle class, OP?

There's your problem.

You'll never see a west Indian kid refusing to leave the sandpit, 'cos we know the sort of discipline that's waiting for us when we get home!

White people are permissive parents nowadays because they follow trends. Not traditions, which they threw away in favour of fashionable parenting guru advice.

Look at the old Supernanny TV show and see what happens to those naughty kids when firm boundaries are put in place!

Kids are like dementia patients or drunks, you don't reason with them, beg or argue long philiosophical monologues like you're Aristotle in the Roman Forum.

You tell them what they're gonna be doing, and the consequences if they don't. And then you follow through. Short, concise, and consistent.

These kids need to be sent to Barbados for a month. They'll soon learn!

That's a ridiculous (and inaccurate) thing to say.

Yep, or Nigeria. DH's cousin married a Nigerian woman, she was baffled that British children didn't do what they were told. Apparently badly behaved children just aren't even a thing in Nigeria!

Thank God it’s not just me! I’m perfect too, and I can’t believe how fucking shit everyone else is! YANBU

God I loved this show
Look what happens.The british teenagers when they live in Barbados with a family for a week. They don't even make it through the front door with the strict rules.