To have absolutely lost my rag at DP and DSD(13)?

[Autumnbreeze84]

Evening all - hoping I can gauge how unreasonable (or not!) my meltdown earlier was…

To cut a very long story short - DSD is currently living with us full time for reasons I won’t go into. She has notoriously bad hygiene practices, including not showering for days, not washing her hands after using the bathroom and just leaving things spilled anywhere / everywhere around the house.

Last week, she picked up some kind of stomach bug, so I’ve left the dettol spray, bleach and brush by the side of the toilet and told her to use them each time she uses the bathroom. Cut to end of last week, both myself and DP came down with said bug.

This afternoon, after a long day at work, I come upstairs to plug my phone in and hear DSD flush the toilet and immediately walk out of the bathroom to her room. No hand washing at all. I bolted out of the room and shouted at both her and DP that this is exactly the reason why we keep getting poorly (we have caught numerous bugs from her in the past) and it’s absolutely disgusting that at 13 she still doesn’t know or is too lazy to wash her hands after using the toilet.

AIBU?!?! I thought hand washing was the most basic of basic practices - and I always make sure there is hand soap and a clean towel in the bathroom available to use!

Is she having periods I wonder?
If she has bad hygiene in that area that's gross.

I think you’re being OTT about the hygiene issues.

There’s really no need to have a daily shower. If she’s showering 2 or 3 times a week, that should be enough unless she’s doing lots of vigorous exercise and/or getting very sweaty?

I’ve never used anti bac wipes or sprays in my life (60’s) as I think we need to come into contact with a certain amount of bacteria to help strengthen our natural immune systems.

I rarely use chlorine bleach in the home as I think it’s far too strong and unnecessary.

Washing your hands after the loo actually has very little to do with what you’ve just done in the toilet. It’s a hygiene rule that’s actually effective because it forces people to wash their hands throughout the day rinsing off bacteria and viruses that build up from touching surfaces etc… it’s not for washing off pee it’s for making sure you wash at all, frequently.

Disgusting, I would feel the same as you OP.

She needs to learn basic hygiene, this is not ok that you’re catching bugs off her because she is too lazy to wash her hands. Honestly by that age she should have a level of basic hygiene.

If you need to shout…then shout. It’s not the end of the world for any of you.

She's 13 not 3. Perfectly capable of dettoling the toilet then washing her hands. Shouting is not OTT. She needs to learn. Obviously softly softly is not working here. She sounds like a selfish spoilt brat.

YANBU about the hand washing at all, but it’s a bit mad to ask her to Dettol the loo after each use.

She was an ill child! It doesn't matter how old she was for her not to be expected to dettol the loo whilst being ill

Completely disagree. She's not a baby. She's old enough to take responsibility. Her hygiene habits sound disgusting.

Maybe for cleaning her hands, but definitely not for cleaning the toilet when she's ill poor thing.

I wouldn't expect an ill adult with family around to have to clean the toilet whilst ill either!

Completely disagree.

If she’s picked up a stomach bug she absolutely should be cleaning up after herself when vomiting or shitting into a shared toilet.

Her personal hygiene sounds disgusting in general, but this I would draw a line at!

Wow and you think that's normal?

You think someone who is sick, weakened by the illness and tired should be sick/have a nasty bout of dioherra and then weakly spray petrol around the bowl rather than crawl into bed and rest and recover?

Heartless

I expect a 13 year old to wash their hands after going to the toilet and yes if they have smeared shit or vomit around then the absolute minimum should be to clean up after herself and use a quick antibac wipe.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable when using a shared toilet that other people can catch a contagious bug from.

I expect them to wash their hands

I would not expect anyone who was ill and who had family around them to have to worry about cleaning up after themselves when they should be resting and recovering

Seriously? We are all aware how germs are spread. Unless totally incapacitated and immobile I would definitely clean up after myself as I would not want my family to catch what I had. Its common decency.

Oh stop. We are breeding a generation of weak ninny muggins.

Will dettol on toilet really help much in this situation? Poor kid. Just wash your hands. I rarely catch any bugs, i certainly don't get my kids to dettol loos.

Yes, the ones who need to clean constantly.