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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shitty message aimed at me in school WhatsApp group chat

164 replies

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 17:52

I’ve been working today so my DH did the pick up.

I received a notification that I’d been tagged in the school Mum’s WhatsApp group. For transparency, I’ve copied it here:

“@(me) and @(another Mum) if your husbands want to comment on Miss X’s TITS then I suggest they do so when other parents are not in earshot!!!”

The other Mum saw this before I did and replied to say she had no idea what she is on about but would have appreciated a message privately.

The reply:

“I think you need to reflect on what type of men you have settled for as they are disgusting!”

Anyway, I sent on to DH to ask what on earth happened. He said a Dad he was stood waiting with asked him if he had seen our DS’s new teacher. DH said no as he didn’t do the morning drop off. The Dad basically replied something along the lines of you’ll be in for a treat as she has massive tits and before DH could reply, a Mum who overheard (not the one who sent the messages above) snapped at him to shut up.

AIBU to find the Mum completely out of order to have sent those messages? She has an absolute cheek to say what she has about me needing to ‘reflect’ and it’s rich coming from someone who is a single bloody Mum herself!

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 02/09/2025 19:50

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:05

He is alive. And as my DH put it when I got home she’s probably bitter she can’t get any one else so gets her kicks out of pulling stunts like this!

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Bloody hell! You’re not coming across well here.

CallieOMally · 02/09/2025 19:53

Soontobe60 · 02/09/2025 19:50

Bloody hell! You’re not coming across well here.

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She started it 🤷🏻‍♀️

GoldMerchant · 02/09/2025 19:55

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

You do realise that someone who works the petrol pumps at a Shell garage or the tills at Tesco has a position in a FTSE 100 company, don't you? There's nothing intrinsically noteworthy about working for a big company. (Before anyone comes for me, nothing wrong with either of those jobs, though I expect they aren't OPs vision of prestigious given some of her other views.)

Your DH's response would be the most important thing here. I'm gonna guess he's not as innocent as he's making out. Other mum is out of order to have called you out for it, or made a scene in the group chat - especially as she called the men out in person.

The teacher is the person I really feel sorry for, for all sorts of reasons.

thevassal · 02/09/2025 20:02

I wish there was a voting option for 'On the objective merits of the specific scenario YAtechnicallyNBU but dear god you sound like an unpleasant individual to the extent I'm tempted to side with the person who was actually being U.'

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 02/09/2025 20:11

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:05

He is alive. And as my DH put it when I got home she’s probably bitter she can’t get any one else so gets her kicks out of pulling stunts like this!

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That sounds EXACTLY the sort of comment a misogynist would make. Are you sure your DH isn't one, OP?

GameOfJones · 02/09/2025 20:13

And as my DH put it when I got home she’s probably bitter she can’t get any one else

His misogyny is showing. I suspect he is not as innocent as he's made out.

ChangeNamesAtLeastOnceAWeek · 02/09/2025 21:20

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

My kids live in a "broken home"..... yet their kinder to and about people than you and your DP 😅

AhBiscuits · 02/09/2025 21:25

It was a brilliant wind up but you jumped the shark with the FTSE 100 comment.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 03/09/2025 09:05

CallieOMally · 02/09/2025 18:54

God I’d have actually passed away. Whether he said it or not it doesn’t matter because everyone will assume he did anyway.

I think that’s a horrible thing to do to another woman, to be honest.

@CallieOMally

A horrible thing to do to another mum?

What about the teacher who is there to do a job and has random dads perverts commenting on her breasts? Out loud! At the school gate!

Boomer55 · 03/09/2025 09:16

Minnie798 · 02/09/2025 18:22

I can't stand people who do things like this so publicly. Intentionally trying to humiliate others on social media/ what's app groups ( especially a school parents one).
If it's any consolation, I'd read something like that and wonder what on earth she was playing at. Tagging you and another mum, it was just malicious and she could have told you both about this privately at school drop off. But only an announcement would do apparently.

Screechy playground cliques have always existed, the difference now is that it’s on SM. 🙄

Best all ignored.

Goditsmemargaret · 03/09/2025 09:34

Ok honestly you sound a bit of a dick yourself so it's likely your DH is too especially given the "she can't get anyone else..." comments.

I do not believe he had nothing to do with the conversation based on this and honestly I don't think it's ltb territory although I would be embarrassed and turned off him by it.

However despite all this, the woman's behaviour is abysmal and I would reply.

"I am not engaging in an argument about this for public entertainment. You could have messaged me directly and given me the opportunity to speak to DH but instead you chose this route, clearly with the intention of humiliating me. It is nasty and unnecessary. I won't be discussing this further here. "

GleisZwei · 03/09/2025 09:36

Your husband is the issue.

CallieOMally · 03/09/2025 21:26

HelpMeUnpickThis · 03/09/2025 09:05

@CallieOMally

A horrible thing to do to another mum?

What about the teacher who is there to do a job and has random dads perverts commenting on her breasts? Out loud! At the school gate!

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And that’s his wife’s fault?

HelpMeUnpickThis · 03/09/2025 21:53

CallieOMally · 03/09/2025 21:26

And that’s his wife’s fault?

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@CallieOMally

At no time, in any of my posts, or in my thoughts did I say that it was the Mum's fault. Show me where I said that please.

I also never said putting the whole issue on a Whatsapp group was the best idea.

What I DO think is it is weird that you have more sympathy for the mum being embarrassed in a group chat than for a teacher being objectified whilst trying to do her job. To me that is the bigger crime.

If her husband is a douche (as a lot of us suspect) then yes embarrassment will follow that. Also OP didn't cover herself in glory either with her comments about single mums etc

So yeah, my sympathy remains with the teacher who is the real victim in this.

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