Teachers: do you find it hard? (high school toilets)

[Fillyfrog]

DD started high school yesterday. We had a transition support meeting before starting (possible asd) and SENCO offered a toilet pass due to lots of anxiety over needing a wee and not being able to go or find a toilet (this is long standing and not just due to new school)
Children are allowed to go at break and lunch and that's it, if they need it any other time it's tough.

Toilet pass wasn't sorted for today and DD begged to go in her last lesson. She said she was close to tears and the teacher still said no. Absolutely not.

I know they have rules for a reason. But, even if she didn't have anxiety and a possible toilet pass

What if someone gets a sudden stomach ache and needs to go to the toilet for a poo quite suddenly?
What if a girl comes on their period suddenly and needs to go and it can't wait until the end of the day? I can't imagine how heartless the teachers must feel to look at a child close to tears on their first day, desperate for the toilet and to just say no and that's it 🙈 it's hard to comprehend as an adult who is able to go to the toilet whenever they want to. It feels like a basic human right.

I'm also a teacher and in my school you can use your professional judgement and if you think they really do need to go then you can call for 'on call' and they will take them to the toilet ASAP.

If they haven't got the toilet pass sorted ask her Head of Year or Senco to email all her teachers and let them know she's entitled to a pass and she's just waiting for it so she can still go. We then just log on our system when they've asked to use it to keep a record. This is what we would do in our school anyway. It can be hard for the teacher as they are the ones who get into trouble for not following the rules but if they've been made aware then they can let her go knowing it's fine.

Although, I have also bled through my dress whilst teaching and it went through to my computer chair. The cleaner had to put stain remover on it! I've never been so embarrassed and still cringe when I think about it.

Leaving a class unattended is a sackable offense. Regardless of need.

And that’s a problem, right? I’m sure you don’t like that that’s a sackable offence? That’s a bad thing. Overhaul required.

I mean maybe you don't go during work but despite the fact I always go before winatart my shift and one my break I guarantee I'll need the toilet at least once or twice other than that during my shift. Would dearly love to be able to "hold" it but I have a ridiculously weak bladder and very much go from 0-wetting myself desperate in a very short amount of time. Nobody at work has an issue with that....

Id have hated to be at school these days. My periods were so heavy I could get through a maternity pad in less than an hour and frequently flooded and leaked. I was bullied badly anyway if it was today I think that would finish me off. It's inhumane to subject people to that kind of humiliation.

A lot of teachers saying "well we don't get to go when we want" don't seem to realise that people whose disability may mean they need the loo more will have self-selected out of the teaching profession - which is a loss for the profession. You aren't teaching a class of mini-yous, you're teaching a diverse group of students who are at an age when gynaecological conditions will only just be becoming apparent, or who may not fit your stereotype of a 'good student' or ask in the right way. It's so easy to lose your basic empathy and humanity when confronted with poor behaviour, but we mustn't let ourselves dehumanise students to the extent that we deny them the dignity of being able to use a toilet when they need to.

Hearing stories about this makes me so angry! 😡
Going to the toilet is a basic human right.
If a teacher was desperate I'm sure they would find a way to go....ask a TA to hold the fort or pop next door/radio call to ask another member of staff.
I've heard a story of an 11yo girl wetting herself because she was desperate but too scared to ask.
How fucking degrading and humiliating that must have been for her!
It's disgusting and abhorrent that schools are allowed to treat pupils this way in 2025.

I 100% understand. DD can only go in lesson time if the teacher buzzes a member of SLT to escort her. She’s a good girl who has never been in trouble. After bleeding through her skirt I sent an email to school asking if allowances could be made and was told no, so I’ve told them and her she has my permission to walk out of class if it happens again. I support the school in every other form of discipline but no access to a toilet is ridiculous

Retired teacher.

Toilets, some pupils, heads etc. are a pain.

Generally you know when someone needs to go and to deny it is wrong.

Schools that perceive problems that are never there/are one offs and have blanket bans. Staff in bother if they allow pupils to go mid lesson.

Toilets are centres of bullying/bad behaviour. Those children who ask to go straight after break are wanting to avoid stressful scenarios.

Some just want a breather from lessons.

Others spoil it for others - blocking sinks, mid lesson meet ups, internal absence etc.

In an ideal world single toilets, with a sink, they’d be off corridors with no common area. Floor to ceiling door. Plenty around the building. Smoke/vape detectors. Camera in corridor. And trust.

Not unrelated - toilet breaks for staff.

I worry about the kind of person who can enforce these sorts of rules and not feel a moral injury.

As someone who has flooding and very very heavy periods (probably some Gyne thing we know more now than when I was a teen) I was refused and I literally flooded over the chair, when I stood up the whole seat was covered and teacher was mortified and they needed to quarantine chair and get it especially cleaned.
It was upsetting and embarrassing.
BUT I was never stopped using the toilet again. This was before they looked them and toilet passed were a thing.

I refused to clean it! I had enough trouble cleaning myself up through tights, cycle shorts and pants/skirt.

I think these policies are cruel. Especially if policy is locking out and no one can go how can bullying happen when it's an individual going on a individual basis?

Make it make sense.

I would really appreciate that as a parent, being informed when my child went for a wee 😂

So using the best judgment that we, as teachers who care about our students' wellbeing, possess, what is the worse outcome -- that one more student is a talented actor and ditches class for five minutes, or that a child in your care wets themself in secondary school and is bullied for the next few years?

Needless to say, nothing will ever be done about the bullying from your destroying that child's dignity and self-esteem, since for many of these "world's strictest headteacher" wannabes, the rules against tormenting other children never seem as important as the ones about which socks to wear or when you can use the toilet.

So in the impossible scenario that a student without a toilet pass had diarrhea due to an upset stomach, the SLT would march them back to class to soil themselves? Or did the SLT simply deny the existence of diarrhea and periods in nature?

It’s inhuman not to allow a child to go to the toilet. Imagine if that child had an accident. If my child needs the loo they have my permission to leave the room and go regardless of what the teacher says.

I’m a nurse and if I denied my patients toilet access, I would be struck off. Mine have been told that if they genuinely need to go, then they go and the school can call me if there is an issue. It’s not up to my child to have to work around the fact schools have issues with select students acting up when it comes to the loos. It’s a very basic need and even without a bladder or bowel condition- you can have an upset stomach or sudden urge to go.

DD's girls school has a good policy I think- you can leave each lesson twice a term (it's recorded on Bromcom)- after that it's a no. Covers off periods and other things- since the school moved from a total ban to this they've had loads fewer requests to go, interestingly.

If she is supposed to have a toilet pass and it's not been sorted I would be emailing the SENCO and HOY tonight though. They need to sort it straight away.

Whilst teachers are pointing out they can’t go - I haven’t seen any teachers say they routinely deny kids the loo because they think if they can’t go - kids shouldn’t. Equally all teachers here on this thread have acknowledged the medical needs some kids have. Teachers on this thread have also shared when they have leaked in the classroom.

Same here. Older primary school children managed just fine before the pandemic. We encouraged them to go in lesson time then to avoid crowds congregating in them at break time. Generally pre pandemic only a very few asked during lessons and I'd ask if they could wait x minutes till break and if they looked desperate or asked again 2 minutes later, I'd let them go. Now we are trying to stop this or rather disencourage them as we get kids using it just because, to meet a friend from another class or to graffiti the walls.

In 15 years I've never had a child wet themselves. However I have had multiple children leave to vape, self harm., have sex, be sexually assaulted, graffiti, damage property, bully others and truant. So the balance of probability isn't in the actors favour.

I do use discretion, toilets are 99% banned during lessons and it has already made for calmer corridors and more certainty for students.

I think there is an SEN connection. When some analysis was done by a SENCO I worked with, students with SEN were much more likely to ask to go in lessons. The curriculum and teaching style is so demanding these days that it can get intolerable and/or sensory challenges of being in what are very large classes these days.

That and the proliferation of vaping plus students' desire to check their phones (where these are allowed on site) accounts for most of the issue.

Shame for those with a desperate need to go of course.

Parents wouldn't thank us for an education in loo studies I don't think.

I get asked within a few minutes of the lesson starting if they can go to the toilet. When it was lunch or interval right before.
I did let one pupil go yesterday, and 5 more asked during the lesson. Clearly seeing me as a soft touch!

Same! I've told mine if anyone ever tries to say no then to just walk out and i will deal with any consequences.It is hard if they are shy and worry about doing things wrong....we aren't there in that moment to support them 😥

OP I would have let your dd go, I've never seen a child upset about needing to go though.

Part of the problem is SLT roaming the corridors and then asking kids what class they are out of and then that teacher gets a trip to the office to explain themselves.
The teachers are then given a black mark and if they are caught again etc etc. it’s ridiculous but this is the way some schools are run.

email her tutor and let them know so they can speak to her about what to do.

My high school had a one way system which was introduced in my final year. Each school year group had a block of toilets. This caused chaos as if needed the loo between classes and you weren’t walking past your year’s loos, you had to walk to them and use those toilets. Then most of the time, you were late. As sometimes could have walked around 1.5 times around the school.

After a pupil’s parents kicked off as he got detention for using the wrong year group’s toilets during a lesson as he had a nose bleed, the pupils could use any toilets on the way to the next lesson. Though the toilets stayed per year group for breaks