DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Can’t believe the responses OP I would not have been happy about that and made sure she did not do it again. Of course she shouldn’t just be taking him out of his Moses basket he’s not a toy FFS. Please make sure she knows not to do it again and only holds him under supervision. She’s 12 and a child and even an adult should be checking with mum or dad if it’s ok to take a baby out of his Moses basket and not just do it!

To be fair OP, many babies will cry when being placed back in their Moses basket/cot, as they enjoy the skin to skin contact of a cuddle.
It really doesn't mean that your DSD handled the baby incorrectly, and I do think you're over reacting.
Definite mixed messages, as you're happy for her to be alone in a room with the baby while you are elsewhere, yet you don't seem to want her to have any physical contact with the baby.

@viques combination feeding which I’m actually finding breast milk seems to be easier on his stomach. I am struggling to get my supply up enough to EBF/express so have to stick with combination for now.
Its frustrating that all advise has been just ride it out, which is heart breaking when he’s in so much pain and discomfort and nothing is helping.

That wasn’t in your OP, you just said DSD picking him up was ‘a step too far’. Weird choice of language. After letting us know in the first 4 words of your post that she is a step-child who visits you (rather than her being in her dad’s home ergo her home too).

If you wanted advice, wouldn’t you have just asked ‘is it reasonable to ask a 12yo child not to pick up a 4 week old baby and to wait for us to put the baby in her arms?’

This. Simples.

Oh and never ever come on here as a stepmother and ask a question you’ll get a pile on as MN hates stepmothers and thinks they are all evil.

@nomas no wording/additional info/less info, would make people on MN happy. So if your hung up on the wording I’ve used, just scoot on and find another topic.

Try and up your food intake and try and get her to latch on now and then. That may help.

If she lives elsewhere, presumably with her mother, then she is visiting, it doesn't mean that the OP doesn't make her welcome, only in MN eyes.

@nomas yes a step to far in terms of what I’m comfortable with the kids doing with our newborn… people’s need to read into something more than necessary is exhausting

It’s your baby OP and don’t ever let anyone tell you what you should and should not be comfortable with.

You teach her and your son how to do it safely and preferably not when you´ve just put him to sleep. His head won´t roll off you know, they´re pretty hardy things bearing in mind the pounding they receive at birth.

You didn't use the wrong word though, did you? You think of her as a visitor and not part of the household.

Oh just leave her alone

Poor girl only visiting her dads house having to sneak a hold of her sibling.

I love how MN can create a story out of the slightest thing, nowhere does it say she was having to sneak about, another anthology of MN step-mother bashing.

I was going to say the exact same thing!

@Pinkpetal9999I can’t understand the shitty responses you’ve had on here! How many people would seriously be ok with a child picking up a sleeping baby in his moses basket without permission from the mum or dad? I for one wouldn’t be ok with it! I wouldn’t even be ok with an adult picking up my sleeping baby to be honest.
You've done nothing wrong. Oh and my son had colic too. I cried when the Health Visitor said to ride it out because it usually goes by 12 weeks. That seemed like an absolute eternity when you’re in the thick of it, so you have my sympathy!

I was 29 when my first baby was born, she was the first new born I had ever handled!

I think it’s lovely that DSD wants to be involved. Maybe talk to her about how to do it and teach her. That way she feels included and you feel reassured. YABU

Aw, I feel sorry for the 12 year old girl who caused horror by picking up her four week old brother. I hope you were kind to her and weren’t harsh. It is a sweet thing for her to want to do and all that is needed is a bit of guidance so that she knows what to do next time. Also sad for her that you think of her as someone visiting rather than this being her home and her family.

But it does in the way that you view her and your attitude to her.

If you're leaving her to watch him (which is fine) then she needs to know how to pick him up and put him down safely. Just show her and your son.

I know right 😁
Lots of budding fantasy authors and playwrights on mumsnet.....

Oh just stop defending crap behaviour

I'm not going to give a YABU or YANBU because ultimately holding unsupervised is parental preference. I'd personally be fine with my 12 year old DD picking up a baby, but I'm not going to criticise someone who isn't.

I am going to give some colic suggestions though. My daughter had awful reflux and colic as a baby - laying her on a changing mat, using baby cream or oil to do the "I love you" pattern of baby massage and then alternating between cycling her legs and gently wiggling her lower body at the waist often helped give her a bit of comfort. I suspect she had wind that was trapped in an awkward spot where she couldn't pass it in either direction by herself.

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime can I actually ask what wording you would have used? Because I see it no different to say my DSD was staying with us?