DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

How does she sound insufferable? Nobody should be happy about their 4 week old being disturbed, let alone not being picked up properly. You are obviously one of the many divorcees on here, that cant handle the word step.

Happily married for 5 years and two children with my husband, never divorced. I suppose that doesn't fit your narrative though. I was, however, lucky enough to have a step mother when growing up, who wasn't an ogre.

Regardless, she does sound insufferable, the 8 'thumbs ups' and the vast majority of the replies on here just go to show.

Or childhood issues. The op has already said she doesn't treat their children differently. What posters are forgetting is that the ops DSD is comfortable enough to pick up her baby sister. She isn't walking on egg shells and loves the new arrival.

When I was 12 (in the 90s) my mother got me to help with her childminding ! One of my jobs was to bath dress and feed a 4 month old ! (Which I now realise wasn’t right she was just lazy and getting me to do jobs so she didn’t have to!) but I was SO careful and responsible so it is definitely possible a 12 year old can safely pick up and put down a newborn

Why is that horrifying? I don’t get it.

My ten yr old held my newborn all the time. Make sure you show them how and stress importance of neck support.

"My stepdaughter picked up my newborn." No need at all to point out that she isn't there all the time.

The op has stated her baby has been suffering with colic. For some babies it can take up to 12 weeks to sort itself out. The poor woman is tired that's all with trying to make a baby feel content

You're being pedantic. I know what the op means and she's not being sinister.

I voted YANBU because I understand how you feel in terms of wanting to protect your newborn and feeling nervous that DSD might not handle your newborn correctly leading to some sort of harm. However, she is 12, and assuming she’s receptive to instruction, she should be able to learn how to pick up, hold and put down her baby brother safely and gently. I have a DSD who has just turned 13 and whilst I was initially nervous about her being so hands on with my youngest 2 girls (almost 2 and 2 months) she has been an amazing big sister - helpful, caring and just generally lovely. I think if you can encourage their bond by allowing DSD to be involved, you will be setting them up for a far stronger sibling relationship (and therefore a far more harmonious household), even if you do need to spend a little time teaching and encouraging before you feel comfortable with her doing these things.

All that being said, having a newborn is tough and can do weird things to your emotions, and it’s natural to want to protect your baby. I’m sure there’s a balance to be had. Xx

Your new born is not that delicate. As long as you have shown her how to do it she will be fine.

It's very clear what she means. The stepdaughter is a visitor and not part of the household, and that is very sad.

OP, ignore anyone obsessing over your choice of words like “horror” or “dramatic.” Jesus Christ, you are a new mum, your hormones are wild, and that is just how some people speak. You are doing a tough job and handling it the best you can.

You are not a wicked stepmother for not wanting a child picking up your 4 week old. I was a nut case at that stage myself. Anyone piling on you for being protective has just forgotten what those early weeks are really like.

Step-parenting posts always seem to bring out the angry ex wives club, bitter and judgmental, lecturing like they are morally superior while conveniently forgetting that they are basically doing for their own kids exactly what you are doing for yours, protecting them. And just because back in the day 12 year olds were left to parent siblings does not make it normal, that was DIY childcare and thankfully we have upgraded.

bonding can happen without any holding involved, there are gentle safe ways for her to do it without holding the baby. Talking to him while you hold him, helping with bath prep, or holding black and white cards during mat play, the list goes on. My baby thinks it’s hilarious when I do a full rendition of early 90’s pop music whilst she just sits in her bouncer. She probably just wants to be involved, and you can guide her, I would teach her the importance of holding him properly though just for when he’s older or if, as children do, she wants to attempt to pick him up again anyway.

Your baby, your rules, and no bitter internet ex wives club gets a vote.

Narrative!! Ha ha I am not describing a story!!! It was just a response to you calling OP insufferable, which is beyond ridiculous! Oh and BTW I got 5000 thumbs for my post, so there.

I would be fine with my 12 year old lifting her sibling carefully but it does depend on the child and the parents. So if this is out of your comfort zone yanbu to not allow it for your baby.

Dsd not unreasonable to pick baby up as she hasn't been told not to, it is lovely she wanted a cuddle. I would say something like "i am so happy you like holding you baby sibling. When you want to hold them ask me or dad to pass them to you please, just while they are so young." Then move on to another subject.

Just teach her. Keep going and talk gently to her about how to pick him up. I think its lovely she wants to connect with him and you want to nurture that bond as much as possible. It will be great if they are super bonded and as he grows she could really be a help to you. Not all kids want to connect with a new baby, but Ive seen teens who have grown up with a baby around and the ones that are bonded and involved seem to have a maturity about them.

Omg! Stop grasping at straws to make up some fantasy plot.

When I remarried, my teenage son stayed with his dad to finish his exams.
When he came to ours, I used to say he was visiting, and that's my own son!

It's just a word, it means nothing. He knew he was welcome at any time and often came to stay.

You're not even interested in the actual issue which is the query about lifting baby from his moses basket!

Bore off....

I think at 12 shes physically capable of picking a baby up and putting them down safely. If she doesn't know how to do it that's not her fault and she should be shown what to do so she can learn. I don't blame you for wanting baby to be picked up and put down properly but 12 is old enough to know but she isn't going to know until shes taught.

The whole point of the post is the step mum checking she is being reasonable and how to maintain a boundary without upsetting dsd, especially as dsd is sensitive. If OP didnt care she would have sternly told dsd not to lift baby without a thought for her feelings.

It's you grasping at straws. It's super clear how the OP views her stepdaughter and you're desperate to concoct the fantasy here.

The wicked-stepmother-defenders are out in force now.

Oh dear, you clearly have some significant unresolved blended family issues - and an even bigger issue with punctuation. If only those ‘5000’ thumbs could bump up your double-digit IQ.

A simplification for you '!!! Ha ha ha LOL 😂'

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime you are clutching at straws sorry, it’s very bizarre

A 12 year old holding a newborn is fine. They are perfectly capable of doing so.

Newborn babies aren't particularly delicate though.
They're incredibly resilient.