DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Teach her how to pick up and put down your baby safely. Lots of 12 year old wouldn’t be very interested in a baby, especially a half sibling, so it’s nice that she is.

"man handle" the baby. Flip me.

Your whole family clearly has issues with holding babies. Teach your kids now so they don't grow up with the same issues.

I’d bring both the 11 and 12 yo together and have a “lesson” on how to safely pick baby up. Explain that YOU should have shown them.
Most 12 year olds are well able to understand the neck should be supported.

If it was her full sister doing that you probably wouldn’t give it a second thought. Babies aren’t as fragile as you think, did you see how they are handled in the delivery room? I am sure she is more than capable of picking up a 4 week old without doing any damage.

@Rosscameasdoody it’s actual insanity on MN. It’s not the first or only SM to post and use the “wrong” wording and all hell break. I haven’t slept in about 4 weeks, I can just about string a sentence together ha.

Anyway I don’t have time time to sift through the messages, so I’ll take the snippets of advice I’ve got an get on with the day

@Samesame47 read the whole thread including responses..

But have you explained the rules to her? It doesn't sound like you have. Next time she is holding him "Oh, you do that so well! Would you like to learn to change him on the floor with me? Dad and I need to do all the lifting up, putting down, carrying around etc, for safety, but there's lots of things you can help with if you like" Big smiles, encouraging faces.No telling off or horror. Keep educating as she helps with things. Nice pucs of her with baby.

@Hercisback1 my whole family has issues, but you are continuously coming back to comment on a post you do not agree with (rather than ignore and continue your day), to argue with a stranger on the internet?

I’d be inclined to say the person with the issue isn’t part of my family.

No matter how much advice that is given to parents they will do what is comfortable for them, and that's okay. Remember there are first time parents on here who are feeling the pressure. My last child is younger than your son he's 10. The midwives did like to pressure me into breastfeeding after my vagina was cut open for a forceps delivery. The midwives thought I was fine to push because I had 3 previous straightforward births. My son enjoyed being held and it gave me time to recover.

All babies have different temperament's. My second baby slept all night didn't need a night feed at all. I mixed fed her between bottle and breast. My last baby didn't want to come out he was too comfortable.

Babies are seriously not that delicate - they have been squeezed out through a vagina with their skull plates squashed together.

They are tough and do not need the sort of over careful handling that you are suggesting.

I feel sorry for the 12 year old - I was babysitting on my own at that age.

Buy colief it's pricey for what you get but it's a life saver. I used it on all 4 of my children and it helped.

My son looked like Hey Arnold the football head after I gave to him with a forcep delivery. He's fine now with a normal shaped head.

I hate it when posters ask if they’re being unreasonable, get told by the majority they are, and then double down. If you’re so sure you’re in the right why bother asking, just tell DSD not to do it again. What does your DH think about it all or is he not allowed an opinion?

I see trouble ahead! You need to check your attitude to this little girl before you cause serious problems.

@Falseknock he has been on colief since 2 weeks, there’s no improvement. Unfortunately dr has said just ride this one out and at 3/4 months should get better. Absolutely killer but we are doing as much as we can to relieve it - baths, massages, feeding upright, keeping upright as much as possible after a feed. It’s pretty relentless - hence why even more so it’s only me and my partner feeding him and I’m perfectly fine with that. I am not causing our baby to be more uncomfortable and in pain just so any member of the family can feed him

Your attitude does though. Red flags everywhere!

@Chick981 DH agrees, I asked if I was unreasonable about a 12 year old picking up baby off her own accord. I didn’t ask if I was unreasonable for making the same rules for my step daughter as my son, nor did I say my terrible step daughter should never hold her brother.
I’m taking advice and understanding that the no holding may not be reasonable for either children. But I’m not going to sit here and agree to the utter cow pat coming from some posters who are here to misread and misunderstand everything because all SM must be struck down

Your father and brother's behaviour is very unusual, assuming that they actually took an active role in caring for their own children. I imagine that their attitude has made you even more anxious. Most 12 year olds should be more than capable with a simple explanation but it's up to you. Your mistake was that neither of you thought to speak to your DSS.

@RoseAlone yes my next plan way to have her move into the cupboard under the stairs, with only a bell and no windows. Dont be so ridiculous

@rainingsnoring agreed on the mistake

"To your horror" you saw a 12 yo pick up and put down a baby?!

She's 12, she's his sister and she's not "visiting"- your home is her home now.

You have a case of the PFB but your SD is also your husband's child and part of your family.

Ah right, anyway off to enjoy the rest of my day. Will speak to DSD and DS about safely moving child but explain not to until baby can hold neck properly.

And yet she’s a strapping 40 year-old with a baby of her own no broken , It must be a miracle !

That's understandable I am assuming you are bottle feeding. Could he have an intolerance to the formula milk? You could try changing the brand to goat milk formula. Obviously talk to your HV first and ask what she thinks. If you are breastfeeding or expressing it could be something you are eating. You have 5 months left of the baby drama and then as soon as your baby starts solids that will be it.

I think you have answered your own question.

You would not hesitate to warn her if she was doing something dangerous that could injure her, “ if you want to use a saw/ axe/filleting knife this is how to do it safely.” You would see it as teaching her a life skill. Picking up the baby safely and knowing why is the same.

Don’t pounce on her. Show her and explain why you are showing her. Do it with a smile on your face and make sure you tell her how much you are enjoying watching her growing confidence and relationship with her half sibling.

( sorry, lost half the post)