DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

I’ve never heard that.
But realistically how many people would feed the baby?
mum , dad, Granny / childminder?
Maybe add on older sibling?
So 4 at most.
Surely as long as baby was fed, winded , and dry (and held in a lo being way) baby would be happy ?

This is absolutely ridiculous. Just show her how to lift him properly. Her baby brother was screaming his lungs out so she picked him up. It's insane that a 12 year old isn't allowed to pick up a baby. She didn't do it right, so show her! My 7 year old managed to safely pick up his newborn sibling! She's 12, not 2.

As for the feeding thing...Jesus... PFB?

Show her properly how to hold the baby ps babies are not nearly as delicate as first mum's think they are. I was so careful with my first , subsequent children got bounced around by their siblings like you wouldn't believe.

Actually, ignoring all the waffle, I think it's perfectly reasonable for the parents to do the feeding.

It would be the case for breastfeeding and at least with the bottle the father can be involved.

And it's a moment of calm - if the mother is doing it at least she's having a sit down and rest rather than doing jobs

It doesn't need 'scientific' approval - it's the parent's 'job' till the baby is older.

I felt quite privileged the first time I could feed one of my DGC but it didn't kill me to wait

...supporting parents to give most of the feeds themselves....

Not the same as saying an occasional visitor should never give a feed.

Oh shut up. He’s a 4 week old baby. She has every right to be concerned about his neck. Just because you ragged your baby about and it was okay, doesn’t mean it’s normal! He’s 4 weeks old for christs sake. Some of you lot are worrying.

So you've never taught her how to do something correctly and now you're cross that she's doing it wrong?

@Balloonhearts was screaming after being picked up? Not reason he was being picked up

@TammyJones my son has colic so unfortunately nothing anyone says regarding feeding will change my mind on it being parents only.

If you’re not comfortable with it then speak to her. There’s nothing we can do about it.

Being unreasonable my oldest daughter's are 7 and they merrily carry around there twin sisters who adore the attention, sons are older 11.13.15 and all carry them aswell. Not sure what the problem is for you tbh

I think the problem is that the OP hasn’t taught her to pick the baby up properly, and is now upset that she didn’t pick the baby up properly 🤦🏻‍♀️.
OP all this could be solved by talking to her. ‘We’d rather you didn’t pick him up until he’s a bit older and stronger’, or ‘this is the correct way to pick up a newborn’, or ‘here’s how to do it, but please only do it when we’re supervising’. How else is a 12 year old going to learn what they can or can’t do, if the adults involved in their care don’t tell them?

@Falseknock I’m aware what forum I’m posting on, however this is the old “well I did it this way and my kids are fine” line.

Infact just because it’s how you raised your child, doesn’t mean others can’t follow the advice they are given.

Your midwife is a quack utter nonsense

I think just take a step back, she is clearly interested in the baby which is a good thing, show her and the other child how to lift the baby properly. There are middle aged men out there who don’t know how to do that as they’ve never been shown.

In the old days your 12 year old might have been looking after the baby while you were at work! Glad we’re not in that situation now but they are often pretty capable when shown what to do. My friend’s 9 year old was brilliant with my baby because she has baby cousins and had been given “the training” 😊

OP ignore the horrible posts - they are just trying to bait and upset you and make you respond. Most mums would agree you should listen to your midwife on any advice on feeding.

@BoredZelda i actually think you’ve just not read through the post
we didnt teach either kids, because we didn’t want them picking son up until he was able to hold his neck himself.
i tagged the person because they posted on as post and I agreed with what they said.

@Maddy70 so count your lucky stars she wasn’t yours then hey!

So @Pinkpetal9999 , after all your updates are you going to just sit both your kids down and say that only you and daddy are allowed to pick the baby up while she is young??

If you can’t do that why not ask the HV to say something when they visit?

@Heartsonfire one of the few posts I am going to take advice on, thank you for reading the post properly and with a bit of empathy/undestanding from a cautious parent!

I think the not showing them probably wasn’t the greatest idea and you are right just explain not for now but when he’s a bit stronger it will be fine.

he’s so so delicate, so people are WILD for saying any different. My brother and father both of which have children didn’t want to hold him for the first few weeks because they were worried they were going to break him. Just because these posters allow their other children to man handle their precious delicate baby, doesn’t mean I have to.

thanks for the advice again!

My thoughts completely . OP doesn’t come across as an approachable lady.
A 12 year old is more than capable of holding a newborn after being shown the correct way l.

This thread is ridiculous. Of course a stepchild who doesn’t live in the home full time is ‘visiting’. That’s how most people see it, including the child.

I would also be uncomfortable with any child picking up my newborn unsupervised - but you do need to say something to her. She won’t know the rules if you don’t express the rules.

@Cheesyfootballs01 so sifting through the utter sh*te I’ve received, following the more helpful posts.
yes a sit down and explanation will happen with both kids in a better manner than what has been

Surely in that situation you say something like “thank you for giving him a cuddle. We have to be quite protective whilst he’s so young. Let me show you the safest way to do it”.

Are you not involving her in bath time, nappy changes and all of those sorts of things? What about letting her take the baby for a walk in the pram by herself? If you’re not ebf, are you showing her how to make up bottles and give the baby a bottle?
Two of my cousins are 11yrs & 13yrs younger than me. They lived 200 miles away but we saw them relatively often and either stayed with them or they stayed with us. When my own DC were born, I realised any child rearing knowledge I had was based on seeing and being involved in looking after them. And yes, that had involved taking the youngest out for a walk up & down the road when she was really unsettled. And helping give her a bath. I was certainly getting them out of the moses basket when they were very little.

@amtrying this is absolutely hilarious, approachable? You’ve have read at most a page worth of me talking, how on gods earth would you be able to come to that conclusion.

Jesus Christ, my son is not the only delicate one it would seem.