DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Every week, or every other week, it’s still his dad’s home, he’s not visiting.

You wouldn’t like it if his step-mum thought of your son as a visitor.

a vendetta to make her look like the worst mother since sliced bread.

I think tone down the hyperbole.

No one is in a blood feud with OP and seeking vengeance on her.

People are allowed to disagree with her.

Yes I agree.

Wonder why that is though? It's weird....

Maybe – just maybe – OP expected polite, rational and balanced conversation from a parenting support forum.

And not 300 pedantic, bored nitpickers obsessing over the word ‘visit’. And not another couple of hundred spiteful bullies, calling her ‘dramatic’ when she’s 4 weeks post partum.

Quite frankly, well done to @Petitchat for standing up to this despicable forum for once. More posters ought to when they see an OP being treated this badly.

@welshpolarbear i have sit and read through all of my responses just to ensure I can confirm with confidence.
If “coming at anyone who disagrees with you” is standing up to a bunch of internet bullies hell bend on making the narrative something it is not. In the politest way possible, I couldn’t give a flying .

points I have made in my responses
(1) the children are allowed to hold the baby I just wasn’t comfortable with them picking him and putting him down yet
(2) maybe it was an over reaction and the kids should be shown, which they will but we are going to stick what we are comfortable with and suggest they only do so in our presence.
(3) we won’t be allowing anyone else to feed baby - a topic I didn’t as about but fair for whoever suggested it
(4) the use of visiting wasn’t used in a malicious manner and posters suggesting this are ridiculous
(5) the children within our family are treated fairly, one rule goes for everyone.

I take it however, you haven’t read them all to be able to summarise the above. I asked if I was being unreasonable, people explained on the holding front why they thought I was being unreasonable. I have taken this on board, but the projection that I’m an evil step mother who is banning my DSD from having a part in any of our lives is (and I stand by this until my grave) ridiculous.

@nomas I actually said previously, I couldn’t care less because factually… it’s not his main home. He is in fact visiting, staying with, going over to… his fathers.

As usual. Comments minimising nasty pile ons as ‘disagreeing’. Whatever eases your conscious, I guess.

@Pinkpetal9999 Congratulations 🎊
Well done for having the strength to debate on here, 4 weeks postpartum.
I would have been crying on my cornflakes.
Once again, yanbu.
As pre-teens we borrowed babies to bring on walks, I thank my lucky stars when I think back that I didn't drop them, idiots allowing 12 year olds wheel their baby off.
We always lifted them when out of sight.
One friend did drop one, baby was fine.

@nomas its interesting that you can comprehend that my tone and wording is evil and exclusive of my DSD.

But you cannot comprehend the tone and posts that have been added my PP are not bulling, rude or completely twisting a narrative it is not.

Along with selective reading, you seem to also have selective comprehension.

I have never said or even implied you’re evil or excluding your DSD.

Nor is anyone in a ‘vendetta’ against you, which implies a very personal vengeance.

I don’t know why you and your cohort feel the need to use these hyperbolic terms.

82% of people think you’re being unreasonable, that should give you pause to consider if you are treating DSD well. If you think you are, then you have nothing to worry about.

People are not bullying her, people are disagreeing with her and questioning why the step daughter pays 'visits' to her own father's home at the age of 12. The underlying tone makes people like me automatically assume that the dsd doesn't spend much time with her own father and his new family, if she's classed as just visiting.

The OP also chose to post in AIBU, which means you will get posters disagreeing with you, and the poll suggests that the OP is massively unreasonable.

@nomas here we go yet again, can you understand that this post has NOTHING to do with how my DSD daughter is treated. And very simply a question of should I or should I not be bothered about a 12 year old picking up our new born baby without asking

Here we go again. People just won't let it go with the "visiting" thing.

Of course DSD is visiting. What else would it be?
OP'S already said that when her DS goes to his stepmum's, they call it visiting.

What's wrong with people on this thread.
It's so weird...

If anyone is creating a pile on , it's yourself and petitchat.
HTH

DSD lives 200 miles away, due to move mother made (no hate towards her) but let’s be realistic. I’m seriously not seeing any issue with the visiting still, so I’m going to now not respond to anything other than those who actually give their views on the matter in hand. Picking up and putting down.

I haven’t said I’m not being unreasonable, however I think all parents are entitled to make their own decision. And even after hearing we are “unreasonable” I feel no different. We are allowed to as AIBU and make a decision based on the feedback. Just because it is what you wanted to hear, we are entitled to do as we please

"underlying tone" 🤣

You really do have the most strangest imagination...

Oops, sorry. I'm not supposed to be posting to you am I, after you couldn't cope with being confronted?

Okay then, bye again

@Petitchat @Didimum
I also want to say thank you for the understanding and standing up for your views on this too.
It is interesting how posters don’t have an issues with the pile on, gang up culture on MN.
However you helping to defend someone on a post is absolutely criminal.
Double standards strike again…

Defending someone by bullying other posters you mean? Yes, very honourable of them isn't it.
Mind you, you yourself has questioned a posters 'selective comprehension' because they disagreed with you, but hey, it's everyone else who is in the wrong.

I don't believe that they are men, men don't have the hiss like women.

@EmeraldShamrock000 yep I agree

@Dancingintherain11 defending someone who’s being attacked, and lets me honest you’ve done a lot of attacking, isn’t something I’d class as bullying.
But Christ if you see yourself a victim in this, I’m extremely worried.
I actually cannot respond to you any further this is beyond ridiculous, I’ve given a summary of my responses previously if you care to take a read, and a read of my responses you will see I haven’t attacked anyone for not agreeing with me.
I have stood up for myself when people changed the narrative and derailed the post.

I have maternity leave and a newborn for my excuse to have enough time on this discussion, the question is… what’s yours?

Yes, isn't that how we combat bullying, by bullying the bully, the circle of life.

Maybe I'm wrong then...
But whoever they are, it's weird and incomprehensible....

people are disagreeing with her and questioning why the step daughter pays 'visits' to her own father's home at the age of 12. The underlying tone makes people like me automatically assume that the dsd doesn't spend much time with her own father and his new family, if she's classed as just visiting.

You are actually perpetuating the pile on with what you’ve posted here. There is no underlying tone. OP used the word ‘visiting’ to denote that her DSD doesn’t live with them full time - which is relevant to what she’s posted. She’s not around the baby full time and that has a bearing on the discussion. And that’s all.

But once again the language police have picked up on a minute detail and derailed the thread with it, as so often happens on MN. OP has clarified several times what she meant, but people aren’t listening because they’ve already made their judgment.

Personally I think anyone who makes a leap like this based on one word used in context needs to understand that it says much more about them than it does the OP. Had she not disclosed a stepdaughter the responses would have been more on topic instead of some of the practically hysterical ‘you hate your DSD’ toned replies here. It’s pathetic.

You're welcome OP.

My kids are grown up now but they still come to "visit" 🤣

Well done with your thread and answering the combatants so calmly.

Best wishes to yourself and family. Have lots of snuggles with new baby